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My marriage has always been bad

JewelB
JewelB

Just left therapy and realized that my marriage has always been bad.  I thought it had just gotten bad but now I realize it has been all along. I remember being pregant with my daughter, seven years into our marriage. I found out that I had an STD. I had not stepped out on my husband so I knew it was him. I left my house for a day and a half but I returned. I forgave him and went back to continue living with this man. But he got better at hiding his cheating, and I got better at looking the other way. I thought it was my fault because I didn't have sex with him as much as he wanted. He told me it was fault and stupidly, I believed him. The emotional connection was broken, we never got it back. The emotional void led me to fill that space with work, and seeking validation outside the home. I know that I had a part to play in this. I could have communicated my needs better. I should have turned to him versus seeking it everywhere else. 24 years gone that I can't get back.


So now, I want to be empowered, transform this obstacle into an opportunity.


It sounds good. I want to love again. I want a man who will love just me, who won't treat me like I'm disposable. My heart is broken, I am broken. My self-esteem is ripped to shreds, my mind is constantly tortured with what ifs. My soul is damaged..........God help me

justMeplus3
justMeplus3
Hugs....wish I had something profound to say....but I'm having a low day myself.
jojored
jojored
Yup, you have to now look at your life as an opportunity, and you're the one who gets to chose the path. Having this realization is a big thing, congratulations. You are on the right path. Accept the hurt and work with it, turn it into something great!
Koko
Koko
Good for you. I think every day I am realizing I am better off without my Stbx too when I think about all the times he disappointed me. Yes it hurts and I am definitely the one dumped but I will be okay... eventually.
ripped_my_heartout
ripped_my_heartout
Feeling the same way. Feel broken. I am broken but not repairable. We will all heal someday and be happy but the scars will be with us for life. We can't change the past but we must not dwell on it either. We can only look to repairing ourseleves so we can have a better tomorrow. So sorry jewelB. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. I wish she just said she didn't love me anymore and went our separate ways. The affair she had was such a betrayal and a knife to the heart. I don't think I'll ever forgive her. But I know I don't need people like that in my life. Stay strong. -HUGS-
momto4
momto4
Taking your blame in the marriage is never easy. But good for you for being able to look at your marriage for the way it was. It's never easy to realize something you have fought so hard for has been really never been healthy. I've had to come to some hard realizations regarding my marriage as well. Hang in there
BrighterDaysAhead
BrighterDaysAhead
Hey JewelB,
Its tough when your therapist tells you that. Was recently made aware of the same thing. It sounds to me like he is a narcissist, wants to control all, blames you for it all. I know how you feel, after a while you believe it. My wife was like that. Controlled everything. lied, cheated, took everything about me away from me (my fault for allowing that). YOU ARE FREE OF THAT NOW :) . All along I am certain something deep in your gut told you it was wrong, the things he was doing, and you probably buried it, or blamed yourself for it. Believe in your gut instinct. You werent wrong.
This will be a great opportunity, you will rediscover yourself , your passtimes, new ones, old friends, new ones.. Embrace the new possibilities... Think Positive and SMILE!!!! With the right attitude and the new you, true love will find you.... not the Sh*# he was offering you..
All the best...

Smile
JewelB
JewelB
I was ok then the landlord called for the rent and I called him. He refused to answer, I couldn't believe it. We might talk every couple of months and I'm calling for the rent and you refuse to answer. That made me cry and realize again, he is not for me. I am scared. I left for college and then met him. You know when you're in that abusive relationship and being there is better than nothing? I know in my heart it's wrong. He doesn't even respect me enough to pick up the phone. I pray you guys are right - that this is an opportunity for me to rediscover me. But it still hurts.......I am still alone. My girlfriend told me yesterday that being alone is better than being in a terrible marriage.
jojored
jojored
Being alone IS better than being in a terrible marriage. I was always alone in the marriage, anyway, but I lived life the way he wanted, always trying to get his approval, his love. He was insincere from the beginning. It was his way or no way.

Although he's still living here, I feel a zillion times better about myself, my future, than I ever did when I was "with" him.
Newbeginnings4me
Newbeginnings4me
My therapist told me that too, my marriage was an awful placed to be. She told me he was a narcissistic personality and I would end up like his first wife if I didnt leave. I am out and trying to put my life back together from the damage he did. He cheated on me with his sister in law sister. Just imagine family dinners after that. He lied about his taxes, and he was physically and mentally abusive. WHY didnt I leave earlier...
I agree it is better to be alone then walk on egg shells. I could tell how my night would be by the way he turned the door handle..... Now I am free.
Message me, would love to know how you are doing.