Wow, this has to be driving you crazy. I'm sorry you're finding yourself in this situation and I know there is poster here who has been in a marriage where he husband was deployed and has been through these kinds of things. She'll more than likely be on later, and I'm sure she'll be much more helpful to you. I can sure relate to the fears and frustrations you're having. Have you confronted her and told her plainly how you feel about this??? I sure as heck would.

I will pray for you, and hope all turns out in your favor take care of yourself and stay safe.

@newagain
I have put everything on the table. She insist that I cheated on her but, that has never happened. Yes I have lied about stupid things and I feel horrible about it all the time. Those things we have gotten past though. I just want her and my step daughter to be happy no matter the outcome of our relationship. But, I dont want to give up on my wife at all. Yet she seems that she has already made up her mind. She wont tell me anything. If she cheated then I could understand and move on, but I just feel she has not been honest with me like I have been with her. All this confusion and not knowing while Im over here has been the hardest time of my life. Every moment I want to break down but, I push forward for the sake that I have lives to protect and soldiers to bring home to thier familys safely. I dont think my wife understands that. Its all just a little overwhelming at the moment. Thank you for your kind words.

@sadngone
Thank you for your prairs. Please also pray for my fellow soldiers who have given thier lives and continue to do so everyday. I will pray for you as well. We all deserve happiness and love.

Brotha,we are here for ya. I know what it like havin a cheat for a spuouse and it hurts like hell. But u have a huge disadvantage! Ur overseas. U can't confront her like I did to my wife, find out first hand, ask her why and try to amend the marriage if u both want. - love and hate my wie at the same time. Just when I thought I was getting ok I balled last saturday because for the first time in weeks I was not doing something. Alsio its tough on deplyed servicemen when divorce rates are higher than average. The fact this guy is hangin around and she is not talkin shows she is guilty!

Bump

So sorry you're going through this, especially when you are so far away. I hope that your wife will be honest with you. I know how difficult it is to have these suspicions and try to talk to your spouse about them, only to have them stonewall you.

I will hope for the best for you. Please stay safe, and thank you so much for your service to our country.

Thank all of you for your kind words and support. It all means more to me than you will ever know. Ive come to find that DS has been one of the only things that has been able to help me keep it together. Along with Matisyahu of course. I still find it very hard to stop checking me email to see if my wife has emailed me about anything. Good bad or indifferent I still love her and want to here from her. At the same time I feel she has gone down a path that I cannot follow. Im doing me best to be strong and without all of you and god as my pillar of strength, I know I will crumble and fall. Its good to know that there are still genuinely kind people in this world. I only wish that my wife was apart of that.

I am sorry you are going thur this at this time in your life...
I will be blunt but honest...
I think your wife is seeing so called friend...if he was just a friend then why didnt she tell you about him....
The so called friend should be sensitive to you being deployed, not hanging around your wife and child, spending the night is just not appropriate.
Would your wife be alright with you hanging out with another woman as so called friend?
I think not....
Some women just cant be alone so they look for someone to be with.
I feel bad you are away and cant get the closure you need.
Im sorry if this hurts you but I think you need to hear this, and move on with your life.
Huggs, prayers for you.

Sonny - I've been where u r at - my stbx tried to work things out and then he had to deployed - been deployed for 6 months and we finally decided to call it quits. I love him more than anything but he has been emotionally divorce from me for a while - I tried everything but I can't keep going anymore plus he was just staying for the kids - we both deserve some happiness. Been apart poisons your mind and your heart and your mind is in overdrive. This is my 5th deployment and I guess it just catch up to us. Im so sorry u r going through this - I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong - you might not believe it now (I didnt!!) but it does gets better, eventually your mind clears and you take the decision that is best for u.

Her loss, dear. You deserve better than this type of treatment... and you'll find it, whether it's with your wife after working things out or with someone else who will appreciate everything about you and not take you for granted. So sorry you're going thru this. Hang in there.

Why are we on this earth? To give love and to receive it. I could say all the useful things, like she doesn't deserve you, and it will heal in time, but to be honest, I know what it feels like to have your love for someone tear you apart. I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago, and still imagine a future with him even though I know we would eventually destroy each other. But he is like a drug. All I know, is that if you still love her, and she still loves you, fight for it. Especially if you have a child involved... No man is an island, and you do not deserve to be treated this way. She needs to talk to you... to help you heal, but if she can't, that's what we are here for!

Much love to you...
Christie

((((sonny))))hugs.do hav chaplain there to talk to an pray with?can u an ur wife skype?u need some answers.i want u to know I pray twice a day for all military they safe return an their families facing the unknown.i do know that there are wife support groups for each military branch.i will say some extra prayers for u an your family.

I thank all of your for your kind hearted words and support. In these windy days, I am keeping my head afloat. You all help me keep what light I do have left burning. The support I have gotten from you all means more to me than I could have ever imagined. Thank you all for you continued support and genuine hearts. May god bless you all for your true kindness you possess.

@Lucille
I have spoken with the chaplain. I have spoken with everyone. My wife is the one who refuses to get any help or try and understand her emotions and feelings. I reccommended some stuff to her and she threw it back in my face, saying to stop emailing her stuff about stress and a healthy marrige. That I am the one who needs to read them and that she doesnt need that shit. I guess the man that stays at my house is her support. As heart breaking as it is, as long as she and my stepchild are happy, thats all I can really ask for. I will no longer hold her candle for her, I can only pray now that mine will not die out.

Also, after 6 days she emailed me and told me that my mother had called and said I needed to call her. That there is something wrong with my family or something. If I know my mother she is only saying that so I will call her. Me and my mother do not have a good relationship and If I dont call Im sure she will call red cross or something. Yet if there is a tragedy in my family then I really dont know how Im going to make it through this. The one person I truely thought I could count on has left me behind and has turned her heart cold against me. Lots of confusion at this moment but I pray things will get better. Again, thank all of you so dearly for your support and prayers.

The same thing happen to me, I saw our phone bills and after I confronted her over the phone she admitted it. I had the opportunity to confront her face to face but the damage was done. I know my temper and I really wanted to hurt this guy because he was also in the military. I could of notify my chain of command and have him get in trouble but in all actuality it was her decision to take that route. I know you want her to be honest but what I found helpful was to be honest to myself. I would encourage you to notify your chain of command because your mind is not all there and even as we are trained to run over any obstacle there comes a time when you need to sit down an analyze. Nobody deserves dishonesty, even if you did mistakes a marriage bond should never be broken. Start preparing yourself mentally and emotionally. Right now we are already divorce and I'm still suffering through the aftermath. Not for what she did because I had already forgiven her but for my flaws. Keep moving and I'm here with you, there are certain things we cannot control and stop asking questions that you know the answer, I think it was better for me not to learn the details because they get engrave in your head and it can be harder to burn those images. Continue being a good father she is not at fault but prepare to start making adjustments such as financially because you and I know of people coming back home with their houses and bank accounts empty. Don't become the victim, accept the reality has harsh as it seems. I hope this was helpful like I said before I am still grieving not because of her actions but because of mine. I sometimes believe this was a waking call by God to help me recognize that I am nothing without him. My prayers go out to you and the troops. Stay strong.