My life sucks. My husband cheated five years ago and we tried to make it work for 3 years but 2 years ago he moved out and said it was over. It DESTROYED me and I have spiraled into a deep depression I can't get out of. We're not divorced yet because I'm too depressed to file. I had a great job for 11 years but a new director took over and brought in his friends from out of state to treat people like crap so we all had to leave and find new jobs. My wonderful work family was disbanded and I'm so sad because I loved them so much. I took a big pay cut in order to get out of my old job and now have crappy insurance, hardly any time off and no raises for now. There are days I regret leaving even though I cried every day I commuted to my old job. Now I'm in the most dysfunctional organization I've ever seen and I'm working for a boss who makes me uncomfortable. People who have been there a month got their old jobs back and are leaving and MANY others have already left because our director (my boss) is a spineless, selfish, creeper. I just started looking for a new job last week after getting an inappropriate email from him. He asks me to lunch once a week and has asked me to dinner twice before board meetings. He's old and married but I think it's inappropriate for him to keep asking me. What young female employee wants to go to lunch with their creepy old boss? We also have to clean the bathrooms in the office because he's too cheap to pay someone so I have to clean his piss off the toilet in the men's room weekly. He's the only man in the office so I know it's his. I didn't go to college to clean his pee off the toilet. I don't even want to clean my own toilets. On top of that I'm overweight. I put on 40 lbs after my husband cheated and can't seem to motivate myself to get it off. I just stopped taking care of myself. I broke my foot playing volleyball May 1 and was on crutches forever. It is still not totally healed. I've danced my whol life but had to stop my classes when I broke my foot and I haven't been back. That was the one thing I did for me. I'm going to try to start back this week. I've basically become a home body since then. I don't have many friends so I have no one to do things with or go on vacation with. I tried calling a friend the other night when I was sobbing over my life and I could tell she just wanted off the phone. I sat home alone on New Year's Eve and cried for the third year in a row. My old job was in a big city and there were tons of things to do at lunch or after work. Now I just come home and cry. I feel so isolated because I live and work in a really small town where there is nothing to do. Since there are only five people in my office I don't socialize like I used to. They're all part time and no one is ever there except creepy boss. Others in the main building have all quit and the new people are all trying to leave so even though I talk to them when I can, I know they'll be gone soon. I'm looking at places to move but all the potheads in America moved here a few years ago when they legalized marijuana and they jacked up real estate prices so badly that no one can afford to buy homes here anymore. Grrr... I feel like everything in my life sucks and when I try to make changes to get out of a bad situation I end up in a worse situation. I'm so depressed. I won't commit suicide but I wish that something would kill me - a bus, anvil falling from the sky, etc. just to put me out of my misery. I was totally normal before my husband cheated but now there are days now where I feel like I should be committed. Every day feels like the one before and they're all bad. I'm scared I'll never find anyone to share my life with. I'm depressed because I want kids so badly and I'm pretty much too old to have them and I'm not even divorced and dating again. I feel like my life is so screwed up and I've had no control over anything. It all happened to me. This is not the life I wanted and worked so hard for. This is the total opposite. My sister, who slacked through everything her entire life has a great job, new baby, wonderful hubby, beautiful house, and amazing friends. I used to be the one my parents were proud of and now I'm the black sheep of the family. They must be so disappointed in me. I'm 41, fat, single, and a big, friendless loser. I hate my life. I just want to wak up from this nightmare.