I would get into therapy and join a divorce Care
group to help you with the grieving and the Divorce
process.

I would also hire a lawyer to watch your back and
Take Care of you financially and legally. You should
Get a decent split after so long and maybe some
Alimony. You did not mention If you have children.

We all undertsand your rejection, pain and hurt.
Its unbearable at the beginning. Let yourself grieve
Your losses. I believe the healing can start after the
Divorce is finally over with and until then its just a
legal and Financial process.

Keep reaching out for healthy loving support and help.
We can burden our friends thats the wisdom of therapy
And divorce group. Asking and receiving for help and
support is a sign of strength Not weakness. We all need
help to get thru this.

Keep posting on here it helps to vent, journal, anything
To let out the extreme emotions you are feeling. It does
Get better slowly. Grief has its own timeline and its like
Riding an emotional rollercoaster. It will take you a while
to move Thru all the phases of grief and to recover from
Your divorce.

No he is not your friend, no contact or limited no contact
Is the way to go, to begin to heal and detach. The more
contact the more hurt and pain from rejection, betrayal,
abandonment, There are many deep emotional feelings
and emotions that are hard to process.

He sounds like a checked out spouse, they are emotionally
Disconnected from you and the marriage. He is now bonded
To another woman. Do not expect much niceness coming from
Him. He might have guilt or shame they can feel that but it won't
stop them when they are checked out. They are done, HUGS

May I start by saying, we have all been there. Your beginning sentence was almost just what I wrote 2 years ago. In honestly felt like I was going to crumble and die. I can say I am in a much better place. It takes time, so please take it slow. Understand 2 things- Go no-contact, and take care of yourself. When I decided to get off the emotional rollercoaster, I went no-contact. It was at the time the hardest thing I have ever done. But each and every day, I got a small piece of myself back. After loosing 20 pounds from not eating, and sleeping whenever I was not working, I decided my self needed some pampering. Joined a gym, and slowly got out with friends when I was able. Its funny looking back, after I did that, he started to notice me again, and wanted to reconcile. It was to late for that, but the saying is true" I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you". When I look back on this site I see the pain I was in, and the wonderful support I got on this site.
Best of luck to you.....

People are not driven into cheating they make these decisions and seek out relationships of their own free will and volition. It's a "blame the victim" mentality that's like saying what did you do to provoke the bully who is beating you up? The blame is entirely on him for emotionally checking out of the relationship and taking you for granted, and taking the time and effort both emotionally and physically to seek other people out. Everything is still too fresh for you to clearly process and in fact it may take weeks or months before enough emotions subside so that you can see things clearly. I am of a Caucasian and Jewish background and my wife was Colombian and my dad did not approve of her because she had established herself early on in the relationship as someone with a credibility problem. Fast forward 11 years 2 kids I granted her American citizenship I did everything I could to love and support her and she cheated on me several times with several people as hindsight will give you greater clarity into things that your subconscious mind will block out because it's too painful to deal with at the time but it's one of those"oh yea" moments that's why they were gone for several hours or oh yeah that's why they said that was their friend or why they took 3 hours for a one-hour workout at the gym. It doesn't even really matter. As for me I have lost my mother around the same time we had met which only led to increasing emotional vulnerability on my part but I will say my dad only said I Told You So once and then welcomed me back to the family with open arms because love does not judge, love forgives, understands and supports and that's what real family is all about. Unfortunately we cannot pick our parents and not everybody is as fortunate as I am to have such a perspective. But it is absolutely imperative to not turn the blame upon yourself. We are all masters of self to varying degrees we all make our own decisions and infidelity usually has to do with insecurities not on your part but on theirs: the traitorous, disloyal, betraying exes. Once the trust of a relationship is violated it can never be made whole again like a paper that has been crumpled up into a ball and then attempted to be flattened out those creases and wrinkles will always exist so even if his secondary relationship crashes and he comes back to you you're going to have to resist the temptation of gravitating towards familiarity because that familiarity is permanently gone. Home is a state of mind and for many of us loyal people who truly love and support and Trust our partners home is wherever we happen to be with the people we love at that point in time. It is a place made of emotion not a tangible location although I did lose that too. It's been 5 months since my wife confessed to her Affair we have separated now reside at different locations but I had suspected she started cheating on me on her birthday in 2015 which is April 5th.

You aren't alone. You deserve to be loved. Right now, you need to heal. The both of them had did you a favor. Your ex and former friend wasn't for you. Right now, take care of yourself and love you.