Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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heartofgold4always 09/08/2015

I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I am emotionally and physically sick. My stomach hurts, my nerves are shot, my throat and chest tighten up and I feel like I can't breath. Waves of painful emotions take over and the tears fall and fall. We were so in love and had so many dreams and plans for our future together. The last several month things changed and we were fighting over small things and the fights became big. He started to call me names and put me down when we had these fights.
This behavior was new and not something I could accept. He would say he was sorry but I don't think he ever took responsibility for his part. I was doing all the work and it was exhausting and it hurt. Last week he told me how much he loved me and how sorry he was and that he was going to do whatever it takes to show me. Two days later we had a fight and I had a gut feeling and checked the online dating site that we met on to see if he was on there and he was. ( I am not a member on there but a friend told me you could search it without being a member) I was devastated. A few days earlier he talked about how he couldn't even think about dating anyone else and that no one could compare to me. I am so hurt and confused. I sent an email letting him know that I knew. In the next few days I sent few more emails (nice emails stating my truth about my feelings for him and wishing him the best) and have received no response which is for the best. Our kids are good friends and we had a nice family together. It is a huge loss. I blocked his number and sent his things back to him that were at my house. I know it is over and the pain is unbearable.

ChiTownBear 09/08/2015

You did the right thing given the circumstances you mentioned above. Of course it will hurt and pull at you for awhile. You unexpectedly ended a relationship where you were invested. But you did the right thing; mainly because of the cheating. I mean, people do fight. When you allow someone in to your world and spend a good amount of time together, you are not going to get along 100% of the time, regardless of what people may say or think. Arguing, disagreeing, discussing, even a heated verbal fight is going to happen. Especially the longer two people are together. Things come to surface you may not have known about that person prior, situations happen that may not have happened in the past so now you get to see how they handle incidents whether positive or negative, etc. But its when there is no good stuff left in the relationship, its when other areas of the relationship, or person starts to fail you, where you have to come to grips with reality and do what you did; know its best to move on.

We all waste a lot of time in our lives trying to appease others or try to make the best of situations we even know aren't going to be the best for us in the end. But most will still try. Put ourselves through the ringer for too long.

Doing the right thing isn't always the easiest or least hurtful, but it is usually always the hardest and most hurtful thing we usually experience. but more times then not, that's when we know what we are doing for ourselves is usually the best thing we should be doing for ourselves. So wipe the tears when they come, but hold your head up high knowing you made the very best decision for yourself. Good job sticking to your smartz.

Welcome to the group

mlucasone 09/08/2015

I would HIGHLY recommend the book, "Getting Past Your Breakup", by Susan J. Elliott. After the first 2 chapters, you will feel at peace and know exactly what to do, and the feelings to expect. Your feelings are normal, there is an end to them, and you will be happy again in the future. This too shall pass.

mlucasone 09/08/2015

The first thing you need to do is "NO CONTACT". Do not, by any means, try to contact him. Don't answer his calls or read his emails/texts. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, the only thing that matters is that you can't live with this misery. The longer you go without communicating with him, the closer you are to the end of this misery.

heartofgold4always 09/08/2015

I just read that entire book 2 days ago. It really has helped me. I am reading one called "The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure" now. I know it's over and I have to move on but it hurts bad

yougospam 09/08/2015

I am currently reading that book, it has helped me so much. I got stuck on chp 6 because it deals with listing good things about the relationship and I just don't want to go there, still too sad for me. But I have started up again, I found the book extremely helpful and can't wait to finish it. I've read a lot of books lately and someone posted here that we should go back and re-read the parts we highlighted, I bet if we did we'd see that we really are healing and the words wouldn't hit us as hard as they did the first time around.
I also agree that NC is the best way to get through this. I broke that numerous times only to reopen the wounds, just not worth the emotion and heartache. Your emotions will be all over the place for awhile, like a roller coaster, that is normal. When I start thinking of the "good" things about him or our marriage, I have to step back and remember the "bad" things he did, that usually helps me through the rough times. Trust is huge in a relationship, he broke your trust as did mine. We deserve better!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry you're going through this, it's a really a hard time of life and it makes me sad that so many of us find ourselves here. You'll get a lot of support here so come here often. This site was one of the best things that I stumbled across and I would have been a mess w/out it. Hugs and hang on!!!!

heartofgold4always 09/08/2015

From the book a couple things that really stand out are;

No contact

What he thinks, his family and friends think about you is none of your business.

And when obsessing about the whys...It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter , it doesn't matter!

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