you have to wonder, don't you? No one ever tells you! No one ever tells you how divorce is like a death. It's awful, just awful. Both have to believe in it for it to work. Not just one. My heart breaks along with yours...I know what it's like to be the only one fighting.

If someone would have told me I would have never been married. This is the worst possible thing ever.

I know. I wouldn't have bothered either.

ok, as difficult as it is for you to consider, it is possible and even likely that your kids just want to see their dad and don't have the overwhelming sadness about being away from home that you imagine.

As long as they are going to visit with their dad, try not to poison that experience.

I'm not telling you that you have to like being away from your kids. But that is your issue, not theirs. Two parents is better than just one--presuming decent parents.

Yes I agree that they do like to see their Dad.

I fear how my kids will view coming to see me if/when I move out. Fearing resentment, but will do everything I can to make them feel as if they are st home. Makes me so sad, but for me, it's now only about my kids.

Right, for better or worse, till death do us part. They should change it to "until I am bored and want a change". And as was said, if we knew this was going to happen, marriage would have never happened. Living a single life from the start is much better having love from a spouse turning to into hate. It ruins your life. There is no positive about it. If there is no abuse in the home and no threat to safety, then people, uphold your commitment and devotion to the person you married. Resist allowing satan to enter into your home and family, bringing pain and destruction. Evilness exists, we are living proof.

He is their dad and if they like seeing him and he wants to be an involved dad that's really better than him bailing out and not wanting to have anything to do with his kids. It's painful but it'll get easier and eventually it's the new normal and you'll look forward to your kid free weekends..!

Walmer evil was allowed in the house. I had no idea that emotional abuse could cause such pain. I am living a nightmare. I was naive that eventually my husband would get sick of my attitude and bad behavior. However living through this awful experience is forcing me to change..

Although I am new to this group I am not new to to situation your are going through. I lost my two daughters in first marriage. Both of them were distraught that had to be with their mom vs me. Yes, kids can be resilient but they also will remember later. Switching them from one place to another is harder on you than them. They just want to see their Dad (assuming he is good Dad vs husband). Don't get me wrong, kids will have some emotional challenges as well, but it is due to mom and dad being apart. So most importantly even if it is a challenge for you, as long as kids visit with dad and are happy to see him, then rest with knowing your kids are getting what makes them happy.
The "for better or worse" comment? I totally agree. For me 9 of 10 years was the better. Last year went to trash can when was supposed to be there for the worst.
As long as the kids are happy to see their Dad and happy to come back to you then your are doing good by them. They will adapt as heartbreaking as may be.
And as mentioned before there will come a time where you will enjoy kid free personal time. Good luck to you in your challenge!

My kids are older (16/18), we just had the parenting mediation. Stbx asked for less time with the kids than I thought. He's getting them (him actually, the 18 year old in college can do as he pleases) every other weekend for overnights and "whenever" during the week as long as the son wants it (and I approve - homework, sports, good night's rest - those are my concerns). Stbx is a tv dad. When he interacts with the kids, it's ALWAYS in front of the tv. He'll say things while watching a football game, "hey, we should toss the ball around someday". Guess what? That someday hasn't happened yet. He did coach them through their school years in two rec sports, but those days are now over. He didn't do much ball throwing with just them, it was with the team. That shows me that the team, and other people seeing him as this great guy, is more important than just being with your children, in your yard, interacting every day.

If stbx can be involved and have (hate this word) "quality" time with the kids, then be thankful. Think of it as a great adventure for them. Hopefully, he can treat it as the same. But I know the feeling of loss you're experiencing, it's brutal.

He's definitely a tv Dad. My kids are glued to the tv and devices. We went through a very rough patch and I nearly killed my self taking them to every activity in the world. This is so brutal

"emotional abuse" is a good term. I never really thought of this. It is kind of intentional by your departing spouse and it is a result of their quitting the relationship. My wife who's moved out on her own would claim she was emotionally unhappy in our home. She would do many things I would disagree with, like being chronically late for everything, unnecessary spending, leaving without telling anyone, yelling at the kids often. Things that any spouse or person would complain about. This impeded on her freedom. She just doesn't want to be a wife and full-time mother. She just didn't leave the marriage, but family life in general. Perhaps this is a consideration many departing and abandoning spouses use as a reason for their leaving? They don't care about the hardship they cause in others, they are just concerned about their selfish self.

Mirror image of my household. He emotionally checked out and I was fighting for my marriage and family. I felt like I was losing my mind. Even in separation he's passive aggressive, chronically late. He's bribing the kids with treats and games making me into the bad parent. I love this forum because it's providing outsiders perspective.