Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Folks,
When I joined D.S. back in Oct., I could not even respond to a posting with out breaking down, at the time I had been divorced for 6 months and separated for over 1 year.I had been in therapy for 10 months and I did not hold back anything I let it all out because I viewed my Grief as an illness,....a terrible fever that I needed to purge......and I knew that someday the grief fever would break and I would be on the other-side.
I wrote on January 1st that I was evicting Grief from my heart in the New Year.....in the back of my head I was thinking "how the hell was I going to do that" I can say that as of May I feel the grief fever has broken and I finally feel that Grief has been extricated from my soul. That said I want to share with you a few things that I learned and still finding out.
1) Be prepared....you will break this, "fever" and you better have a plan ready for yourself i.e exercise, take a class, something to improve yourself.Plan and prepare that day will come and if you're not ready all the time of suffering will be in vain.
2)Don't set a timeline....ie Don't say to yourself...."it's been 6 months why do I still feel like shit, why do I still feel so much pain and grief" ....your heart will not be dictated by your brain and logic.....it well heal on it's time frame.... not on yours
3)BLEED IT OUT.... don't try to bandage the wound to stop the bleeding...it's almost counter intuitive but if you try to stop it, it simply builds up and finds another way to exit. don't take short cuts (get into another relationship to mitigate your pain).....you are doing yourself a disservice.If you enter a new relationship you are treating the symptoms and not solving the real problem and this will come back to bite you in the ass.
4)Be selfish to you......learn about yourself this is time to get to know yourself .....I joined a gym, I went to therapy I wanted to improve me and face my demons......and every once in a while treat and reward yourself.....for me it was simply be going to Dairy Queen and getting an ice cream.
5)You are not alone.....We all have gone through degrees of pain and grief and you are not the first and unfortunately not the last. Talk to people, express your feeling and gravitate to folks who understand and have gone through what you are currently feeling.
6) Humor and self deprecation.....I often say that I'm the idiot without the Village ....lighten up :)
I hope this is of some help and interest....I'm not a therapist nor do I play one on TV, I'm YOU....I'm not male,female,black or white....... I'm a person who has been to Hell and back and slowly starting to rebuild my life.
Peace
Stephen
When I joined D.S. back in Oct., I could not even respond to a posting with out breaking down, at the time I had been divorced for 6 months and separated for over 1 year.I had been in therapy for 10 months and I did not hold back anything I let it all out because I viewed my Grief as an illness,....a terrible fever that I needed to purge......and I knew that someday the grief fever would break and I would be on the other-side.
I wrote on January 1st that I was evicting Grief from my heart in the New Year.....in the back of my head I was thinking "how the hell was I going to do that" I can say that as of May I feel the grief fever has broken and I finally feel that Grief has been extricated from my soul. That said I want to share with you a few things that I learned and still finding out.
1) Be prepared....you will break this, "fever" and you better have a plan ready for yourself i.e exercise, take a class, something to improve yourself.Plan and prepare that day will come and if you're not ready all the time of suffering will be in vain.
2)Don't set a timeline....ie Don't say to yourself...."it's been 6 months why do I still feel like shit, why do I still feel so much pain and grief" ....your heart will not be dictated by your brain and logic.....it well heal on it's time frame.... not on yours
3)BLEED IT OUT.... don't try to bandage the wound to stop the bleeding...it's almost counter intuitive but if you try to stop it, it simply builds up and finds another way to exit. don't take short cuts (get into another relationship to mitigate your pain).....you are doing yourself a disservice.If you enter a new relationship you are treating the symptoms and not solving the real problem and this will come back to bite you in the ass.
4)Be selfish to you......learn about yourself this is time to get to know yourself .....I joined a gym, I went to therapy I wanted to improve me and face my demons......and every once in a while treat and reward yourself.....for me it was simply be going to Dairy Queen and getting an ice cream.
5)You are not alone.....We all have gone through degrees of pain and grief and you are not the first and unfortunately not the last. Talk to people, express your feeling and gravitate to folks who understand and have gone through what you are currently feeling.
6) Humor and self deprecation.....I often say that I'm the idiot without the Village ....lighten up :)
I hope this is of some help and interest....I'm not a therapist nor do I play one on TV, I'm YOU....I'm not male,female,black or white....... I'm a person who has been to Hell and back and slowly starting to rebuild my life.
Peace
Stephen
Maybe...God wanted us to meet the wrong people before
meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet
the right person, we will know how to be grateful for
that gift.
Maybe...when the door of happiness closes, another
opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed
door that we don't even see the new one which has been
opened for us.
Maybe...it is true that we don't know what we have got
until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't
know what we have been missing until it arrives.
Maybe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have
the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that
comes along their way.
Maybe...you should dream what you want to dream; go
where you want to go; be what you want to be, because
you have only one life and one chance to do all the
things you dream of and want to do.
Maybe...there are moments in life when you miss
someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so
much that you just want to pick them from your dreams
and hug them for real.
Maybe...the best kind of friend is the kind you can
sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and
then walk away feeling like it was the best
conversation you've ever had.
Maybe...you should always try to put yourself in
others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt
you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.
Maybe...you should do something nice for someone every
single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone
Maybe...giving someone all your love is never an
assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect
love in return; just wait for it to grow in their
heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in
yours.
Maybe...you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive;
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for
someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a
smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one
that makes your heart smile.
Maybe...you should tell those people who mean something to you,
to those who have touched your life either positively or not,
to those who can and do make you smile when you really need it,
to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, and to all those whom you want to know that you appreciate them and their friendship.
I could have sworn you were a white male!!
It's been really interesting to watch you get to this point, inspiring, moving, genuine, vulnerable.
I'm so glad to hear you're feeling so good these days.
So, inquiring minds wanna know...what treat do you get at DQ?
my buddies and I used to meet once a week at Ben Wicks on Parliament
totally -- when the chocolate is still warm!!
its been quite a journey eh? keep up the good work- its inspiring to see how far youve come- but im not at all suprised. xoxo xoxo xoxo t
Oh, and thanks to you and ILR for informing us of the ice cream therapy.
I dont have anything cold and creamy in the house... this is torture you vixens!!!