I'll tell you who does this; your husband and mine too. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and gave my spouse an out. He too said he wasn't sure he ever loved me (rewriting history is what this is called) and was tired of taking care of me. Actually, the stronger I got the weaker he became. I took control of my health. I lost weight. I went back to work. I was doing great. Now he says he just couldn't do "it" anymore; "wife & family". He wants a simple life. I sing "Let It Be" and read the poem "If". I am here for you. Sometimes we just need to vent. Others get tired of our anger & tears. Keep strong-keep as healthy as you can.

Thanks for your support. I guess he didn't plan on my sticking around - I wasn't expected to live past 40, and I'm now 46. The kids are REALLY angry because he just "got tired of taking care of" me. I go back and forth between wanting to really try to save it and trying to figure out if I'll miss him or the man that I thought he was.

Where's Dr. Phil when you need him?

Is he your only care-giver? How extensive is the care he gives you? Does he work in addition to carring for you?

If he is doing all the above, I can understand how one can "get tired".

No, he's not my only caregiver. In reality, I take care of myself for the most part. Without going into too much detail, I have autoimmune myelitis, which has been called the "ugly cousin of MS." I have a catheter, which I take care of during the day, but he does get up at night to empty it, and he changes it once a month. I've had 42 surgeries, most of them in the last 15 years. He has a job, and our 2 youngest kids are home during the day to help. I'm wheelchair-bound, and we just had some renovations to make it easier for me to get around. I can't cook alone anymore because I drop things, but we set things up so I can get my own meals, if necessary.

So, the short answer is, no, he isn't my only caregiver and yes, he does have a job. I feel like I may have just overshared somewhat, so please excuse me for that.

Let me rephrase that. Is he your primary caregiver? The one who bears the brunt of your situation? And 2 or 3 surgeries year for the last 15 years. So you are continually in a pre-op, op, post-op cycle. And he works. Can you not image the stress that he is under? Unless you guys are independently wealthy, I'm sure he is concerned about financial matters also.

I think the most saintly of spouses would "get tired" of the continuous stress and strain of the situation.

And please understand, I am not blaming you or your disease for this. My husband suffers chronic pain and chronic depression. There have been numerous time during our 17yr relationship that I was doing all the "heavy lifting" due to his bouts of intense depression (think 16-20hrs in bed) for weeks/months at a time. Working, keeping house, bills, being responsible for EVERYTHING can be quite wearing. Sometimes the resentment would build and I would think how easy things would be it I were single and didn't have him to worry about. I'm sure there were times when I wasn't "in love" with him.

Maybe some counseling for your husband, a support group for care-givers, a respite from the daily grind would do you and him great good.

25 years for me as well - you're not alone

Yes, I would say that he IS my primary caregiver. My issue is that whenever there has been a problem in the past, we have always worked through it together. A 2-year-old with a brain tumor; another son with testicular cancer: infidelity on his part. I was just completely blindsided with this. There was NO sign of unhappiness from him. It was always "him and me against the world." He is seeing a counselor himself and we're seeing one together, so we'll see how it goes.

I have no problem with anyone playing devil's advocate and I welcome the view from your position, so thank you for that.

" my husband told me that he's not "in love" with me anymore" --> careful thats a telltale sign of an affair with someone else!!!

28 years for me girl. I have mental illness. These kind of things can wear on an individual day after day year after year period I'm not excusing it by any means. Sometimes people get selfish.

I just think this is awful.

I remember my stepfather cheating on my mother when she was in the hospital dying of cancer

Really? I don't know why people take vows to be begin with

Hey Andrea ...
I have a Rare Anemia that is called Cooleys I found out in 2011 and unfortunately they have no known cure for it it's progressing also and I have no support from my family because it could have been prevented at birth but I am in the process also of a Divorce after (15) years I filed last July . I have a 14 year old son with this man who is a Stranger to me I have learned so much from divorce counseling about his narcissistic/bipolar personality disorder I was unaware of I am completely confused and alone I feel like he has chased my friends and family aware because he is obsessed with me the counselor said which is more confusing because he is cheating on line sites and social media and verbally along with physically abusive to me . I look at him and it's 15 years as yesterday and realize I don't know this man and to top it all off he is pressuring me to stop divorce I am stressed depressed and lost ... he is (7) years older and I feel gross and ugly I'm sick yet the counselor said I'm not I'm.beautiful and he has self esteem issues so he cheats always it's disgusting and yet I feel what did I do wrong . I have no idea where to begin after 15 years I don't know who i am and how to get my life back it's horrible to feel alone. I'm sorry and I definitely can relate to you and being ill just makes it harder I know My has progressed since I found out about my husband and I filed for divorce but it's worse and I am at my breaking point.
What are you ill with may ask ..?
You Andrea need to remember that people's true character show when you become ill or are going through hardship, he is losing in the long run and I had to decide to be with a narcissist liar cheating man or pick myself up dust my knees off to be a good mother to our son . It's Hard ..! I think you deserve someone who is in love with you because I realized I never loved this man I couldn't have because I don't him I know a obsessed controlling abusive man .
I hope he tells you why he fell out of love I think you and anyone else deserves that answer I will never get that "why" answer because he said I'm selfish and that's what I have to process .

Well, we've already survived his infidelity before I got sick, back when we had been married for just 11 years. He's not cheating now - he's always at work, at home or with me.

Yes, there IS burnout, but you don't wait TWO YEARS to say something!! I think that credit should be given to the man who sticks around when his wife is terminally ill. I DO give him credit for agreeing to go to counseling, though.

I'm just glad I found this group. The support really helps. ❤

Im very new here. I send my sympathy to you. I don't know if the site has live chat but you can PM me your kik ID if you choose to.