That is hard information to know. Not only having to deal with the breakup but knowing she has moved on...

You have to look out for yourself, you can't control what she is or isn't doing, that is not your concern anymore. You have to focus on your own healing. It sucks bad but better now then after you got married.

Journaling has helped me a ton, writing my feelings and emotions down gives me an outlet to express what I am feeling right at that moment.

I wish you luck in this process as it truly sucks when one's heart gets broken. I am going on 9 weeks since my wife left me and requested a divorce, Been a tough road, getting a little better each.

Think to yourself, why put all your emotional energy into someone who doesn't care about you, focus that energy on you, your healing...

I wish nothing but strength through this road...

I'm trying not care about her or care that she has moved on but unfortunately for me, it isn't that easy. It just seems so quick to have moved on already that I am questioning myself whether any of it was real.

I know that's so hard. Comfort yourself with the thought that this is probably a rebound relationship and probably won't last. I know in the past I have done the exact same thing.

What heartspain said about journaling and writing is exactly spot-on, that helps a lot, as does therapy.

If you are not dating again yet then you are taking the more mature, responsible and better path and not bringing a new person into your life until you are feeling ready for it. In my mind that is far better then rushing to date someone so soon after a major breakup.

Heartspain and Andrea Lambert, I want to thank you both for taking time to respond. I never imagined feeling as low as I do.

I don't know your story, but if there were problems in the relationship then there's really very little chance she has dealt with those problems or her personal issues in such a short space of time. It may be a rebound relationship. If not then the problems you guys had will no doubt raise their head in this new relationship.

Either way, I know this hurts. But it won't hurt forever. I'm sorry you are going through this, thinking of you today.

My ex fiance of 12 yrs started seeing someone fairly quickly after we ended, although I believe he may have been seeing her towards the end. Less than a year later they got married. I heard he didn't seem very happy at his wedding, but he's also a lost soul who doesn't know what he wants in life.

It took me a long time to move on. Believe it or not the fact he was in a relationship hurt me more than the fact that he got married. Maybe it was because I saw pics of them from the beginning of their relationship.

I tried dating a couple of months after we ended but I wasn't ready and I knew it. How he could go from me to her in a blink of an eye I will never understand. I didn't even want to kiss someone new. It hurt like hell to even think about him being with someone else.

Feb 2016 will be two years we have been broken up. Now, after two years no contact and doing all of the healing I can say with almost 100% confidence that I could care less about him, his life, and his life decisions. He was toxic.

At first I felt like he was being rewarded and I was being punished because he was able to move on and I have yet to find someone. I don't understand how someone who is so hurtful can get a life that I wish I could have, but I just accepted that just because he moved on quickly doesn't mean he wanted to and/or that he is happy.

In due time you will move on and one day you will wake up and wonder why you even cared so much. TRUST ME- I NEVER thought I would get to this place. But now...after enough time went by and with no contact AT ALL, I feel whole again and ready to date. You will too.

IMHO, there are many reasons why some people start dating and/or marrying so/too quickly.

*Cannot stand to be alone with him/herself - They truly cannot be by themselves for many different psychological reasons, so having another person around keeps them from having to deal w/their own inner demons. And because they don't want to deal w/their inner demons, they stay in denial and move from relationship to relationship.

*Inability to form and/or sustain healthy long term relationships.

*Preemptive 'offensive move' - In order to protect the self, they play out the 'everyone hurts me eventually, so therefore, I'm going to leave before you hurt me.'

*Various addictions including but not limited to: relationships, sex, drama, drugs/alcohol. All addictions affect how the brain works, especially when it comes to decision making.

* Various emotional disorders. For example, a narcissist needs a 'source' to fulfill their needs to be admired & tear others down in order to build themselves up.


IMHO, if one (even the one who leaves) doesn't take the time to mourn the loss, grieve, heal AND do the 'inner work' necessary to get rid of the 'junk in the trunk' that we all bring w/us to all of our relationships, there's little hope for future relationships to be healthy or happy.

Best advice I ever rec'd right after leaving was this: In order to have healthy relationships with others, one must first have a healthy relationship with him/herself.

Second best advice I ever rec'd is what others say/do is not a reflection of me.

Wow, all of you are awesome and make great points.

Last night was never ending for me as I couldn't stop thinking about how my ex was able to move on so quickly. Unfortunately, I just kept putting myself down thinking that I was worth so little to her that she was able to move on already. I don't know her actual reasons for moving on and I don't think I will ever know them. I just want the emotional and physical pain that I am feeling to go away.

You are probably still in a bit of shock too, which can make you feel like you are going insane. I felt that way for a good year and a half. I honestly thought I would wake up one day and it would all be a bad nightmare. I also thought he would come crawling back. Well he didn't and it's probably best that way.

As cliche as it sounds it really does take time to overcome heartbreak. Everyone will tell you to take care of yourself and find things that make you happy and keep you busy- and it's true. When I would paint or hang out with friends or go to yoga he was not even on my mind. Its those times when we are alone, laying in bed, wondering wth happened that the pain returns. And the best thing you can do is accept it, and learn how to cope with it one day at a time. There is no miracle cure, no answers that are going to solve everything. Just time and getting your mind right.

When you are going to that negative place do everything you can to stop it. Once I was ruminating about my ex and talking to my friends and even my hairdresser about him! I told my friend I was looking up borderline personality disorder because I suspect that is what she has. She said to me "do you ever think of looking up something else maybe squirrels or something." And I thought you know she is right- I am wasting my time pinning over someone who doesn't want me.

Get your mind right- that is half the battle. Then stay busy and try and do things that make you feel joy.

My now-EX-husband started actively pursuing multiple other women within days of the beginning of our separation. He started living with one of them after having known her about 3 weeks. That ended explosively last February, and he and I were still legally married all that time (no "legal separation" in our state either, so "married" for all intents and purposes.) Our divorce was final in July. I'm fairly certain he already has yet another live in girlfriend now, who knows how long that's been going on.

I think MTC said most of the things i think about these situations in her Reply #7. I know in my case, my Ex falls into several of those categories, mostly that he cannot stand to be alone with his own demons, and he has many. He never did the hard work on himself after our separation, got into a volatile relationship that ended with him getting arrested. He never did the hard work on himself after that, and now he's already with someone else again. There's no way someone is forming healthy relationships when they move on so quickly, and likely it is due to them not being able to be alone.

I know there are times (today, actually) that I get down on myself, feeling like kind of a loser that my Ex seems to just keep finding people with ease. I haven't even gone on one date. It's tough, especially when I let my mind wander onto things like "what if he marries this one?," "what if he wants to introduce our son to this one?" (I was granted sole custody in the divorce, he has supervised visits only), "what if one day one of these girls tries to push him into getting joint custody somehow?," and etc.

All I can tell you is what I try to tell myself: breakups/divorces are hard. Some people just try to bury the pain under other things, and often those other things are new relationships. They also might go out of their way trying to make everything look shiny and wonderful, all in an effort to convince themselves and others that they are "OK" now. But I think you really have to go through the grief, go through the pain, get to know yourself again, before you can be whole and healthy enough to form a lasting relationship. So as much as it may hurt now, we actually save ourselves some pain in the long run by dealing with it now, rather than moving on quickly to someone else. I am trying to get to the place where I no longer care at all what he does or who he sees, or even if he's seeing anyone. Some days are better than others
(((HUGS)))

There are certainly times when I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make the pain of the breakup go away. I know I can't though and even though sometimes I wish that I was able to move on as quickly as she did, I know I'm not that type of person. As challenging as it is for me, I know I need more time to grieve the end of the relationship and to find myself again because right now, I'm just lost feeling.

I can relate, we've all been there. My 3 year relationship ended in April of 2014. I'm still living and doing find. I will say that for some reason, the last 3 days have been hard. Lots of triggers and reminiscing about times of the past.

Part of the program I guess. First thing you need to do is to gently ask your friends to stop talking to you about her for a while. I'm sure they mean well, and if nothing else it lets you know that she is moving on. As hard as that is to hear, it gives you some sort of closer that you will never get from her.

I know that lost feeling all to well. Most of here know it. Kind of start thinking about how you want to change yourself (but because you want to change, not because someone else wants you too) slowly picture how you want your future to look but WITHOUT her in it.

I know its hard, its been 17 months for me and I'm still working on it, might be for a long time to come. However, my resolve is strong as will be yours.

Peace be with you