Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Newguy123 09/13/2018

I am new to the site and have read many of the touching stories that each of you have posted, thank you for the therapy. I have been happily married for 14 years with a 10 y/o son. About 6 months ago my wife started acting different. She was nagging and nitpicking on things that normally don’t bother her. When I asked her what was wrong she blamed it on stresses of work or our son needing attention. Our sex life seemed fine to me and we were spending time together but the vague communication was bothersome. Of course I stepped it up at home: laundry, house work, listening to problems and taking care of our son to give her free time to clear her head. Things seemed to get better as we took a trip and reconnected. When we returned the time with friends increased and so did the work hours. I had no reason not to believe her but when she started being mean once agian, I asked to go to MC because she would not open up to me. She said “no” to MC, didn’t want to be told what to do? We attended MC 4 years before (ironically she was acting similar) and it helped. She continued to be distant, telling me it was stress and maybe just unhappiness. I thought she was depressed maybe hormonal but at 39? The time away from home continued and so did her negatively towards me. I decided to hire a PI and found out she was indeed in an affair. She has been spending time with a man who was separated and 10 years older. I gathered evidence: video and pictures to make certain it was an affair because I had confirmed months of lies and I knew a denial was imminent. I was devistated, she was the woman of my dreams and we were the perfect couple: health, money, happiness and professional success. For three weeks I watched lie after lie...this was so hard but I finally confronted her. She said it was emotional, yet I have pictures of them kissing and her pulling in and out of his garage? I did not believe her...no way! I know they spent seven overnights together while I was traveling during the 6 months. She also confirmed that it was him 4 years ago (still claiming it was only emotional) when were in counseling before (I can’t make this up). She begged for forgiveness and wanted to try and work things out...I wanted to believe her for my son and our future. She seemed remorseful for about 3 days and then she was “confirmed” back to spending time with him and the lies. I couldn’t believe it, but once a cheat always a cheat! This site has proven that to me over and over. I asked for a divorce that will financially devastate me...can you believe our laws? I have been so depressed and sad for the last month, but I finally realized I don’t want to be with someone who lies, cheats, manipulates and puts her selfish needs in front of me and our son. She moved out as we are working through the divorce and I am looking for strength and guidance to manage. She has told our friends and family that I am driving the divorce over an emotional affair...obviously she lies to everyone, I know the truth but this is very bothersome. I have lost my family, son and financial security all because of her selfishness. Once again, I know this is right for me...I would never take her back..EVER! I am just lost and looking for strength each and everyday. I am a good person and father, this was therapeutic sharing my story...thoughts???

Fadedgypsy 09/14/2018

Her lies will be exposed. And an affair is an affair emotional or not hell I think I would rather it just be sex than emotion any way. Either way she is way past wrong and you need to hire a damn good lawyer. You want to be the plaintiff not the defendant in a divorce especially if she's moved out of the martial home that's better for you that should go under abandonment and with the pi evidence you shouldn't be completely ruined. I don't know where you live but most states favor a joint custody agreement with that both parents having equal time and equal say in decisions about child they will not make either pay child support but you for sure need to file on infidelity and abandonedment. Don't let her get the upper hand just like in criminal court the defendant is the bad guy the one who is not believed and has to prove everything I just went through that my husband filed first I nothing he got the house the cars and all and ours was just irreconcilable differences no one cheated or anything like that but the court gave a shit less what I had to say or the evidence I had of what he has done wrong

Newguy123 09/14/2018

Thanks Faded....I appreciate the support. I am still in disbelief....spent the evening with my son, dinner, video games, and a movie. He keeps asking me if it will ever be the same at home? Breaks my heart! I hope she is happy....she has ruined our life and began a new one. She now has 50% of her time to spend with her boyfriend....ugh!!!!

AAABJ 09/18/2018

It's terrible that you and your son have to go through that. It is heart wrenching, I know. It would be very hard to even try to work things out due to the lack of trust. Emotional, physical, my opinion...it doesn't matter. If your hiding it, there is a reason. Try hard now, to focus on your son. I know it is a lot easier said then done. When your mind is non stop, full with anger, frustration, and everything else. He will need you during this transition. Be the strong one that he can rely on. Be strong and stick to your guns!! I know it hurts like hell! This is a good place to vent though, I've been on and off here for over a year now. Good luck to you.

Newguy123 09/18/2018

Thank you so much....I appreciate it! We are in mediation right now and it is going as expected...I can’t stand to even look at her, but I am trying to be amicable for our son. I am letting her keep the house and I am renting for now. I am not paying alimony bc of the affair and she understands that and is not fighting me. She deserves nothing but the losers win in divorce....I know I will win in the end...staying strong, and it is getting better everyday! I can wait to be happy again actually for the first time in a long time! Time to make myself and my son happy verses the cheat!!!

AAABJ 09/19/2018

You are right!! You will be winning because you get happiness back. In time your son will realize how much happier his father is. Best of luck.

fight2overcome 09/24/2018

Thanks for sharing and your honesty! During this difficult time would you be open to counseling or seeing a pastor? I've found help and healing through Christian counseling. There is healing and hope for your brokenness! Prayers,

MP77 09/26/2018

Dude, I know exactly how you feel. I am going through a divorce right now. Of course, on top of all the emotional and poor decisions my soon to be ex-wife made, there is another person involved.
I am completely new to this site, but if you want to hit me with a private message, we could talk more. Any support is good for you, especially if you are not seeing a psychologist to help you come with this crap, Be strong!

Dawn717 10/01/2018

I am so sorry you are going through this! I have gone through a similar situation with my husband's affairs. We are through mediation and waiting for final divorce papers. By far the hardest thing I have ever experienced without ANY comparison. It does however get a little easier. There are still waves of grief, but not as bad. Take it one day at a time, and keep reaching out!

stardust7 10/03/2018

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. My divorce 2+ years ago was a very similar situation...very, very similar-lol. We tried MC for a year and finally I had proof she was having an affair (later I would find out there were multiple affairs). I begged her to stop it and even gave her a free pass for us to do whatever it took to get back on track because that's what married folks are supposed to do. She was the ideal wife and I couldn't have been happier before all of this. I had no kids of my own but loved hers like they were mine-they were great. She wouldn't end the affair-all I got were excuses or glassy eyed stares. She would eventually tell folks things like I was mean and controlling. Over the years her stories have shown cracks and her personal life is becoming public to all.

What I'm trying to say is in time people will see more of what really happened. You did what you could to save things but your ex would not participate. All we can do is move on and look to the future thankful that we're no longer with a person who eventually would have pulled us down and hurt us way more than they already have. Be thankful for what you do have, and stay strong in your beliefs. You did nothing wrong here. Once you start to heal though it's important for you and your son to start looking forward making a new life. Your son is going to have a lot of tough times dealing with this and he'll need you more than ever. Get outside counseling if needed. You're not alone-many others have been down this path-there is life after this hell. Heck, if I can make it through this stuff, anyone can lol. Hang in there buddy.

Newguy123 10/04/2018

Stardust, thank you! Fantastic message and I couldn’t agree more with you. Things are getting better but I do have spells. We are almost done with mediation and I hate to look at her. I know I must forgive in time and I hope to, but not today. Everyone’s encouragement means so much!!!! I know I am better off and I am looking forward to life ahead!

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