Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This probably isn't the right forum, but I'm so sad about this break up. My daughter dated her boy friend for 6 years. We never saw her, she was with him and his family 24/7. A year ago they got engaged. We spent the entire year catering to her and her wedding wishes. Even put up with a few episodes of Bridezilla from her. She had a wonderful shower. So many people spent money they could barely afford with this economy, Plus we had already shelled out over 20 grand in deposits. Two weeks before the wedding she cheated on her fiance. She told him that the wedding was off. I've never been so shocked in all my life. Poor guy was ready to have a nervous breakdown. They had bought a townhouse together and were living together for about 10 months with their dog.. My daughter said he was too controlling. He said my daughter spent every dime they made. UGH!!! Now my 24 year old daughter is living back home again. She's dating this guy who is totally inappropriate for her. She has no respect for me or her dad. She doesn't believe she has to follow any of our rules. I'm just sick. I've spent the summer planning this wedding. I'm glad she didn't get married to someone she didn't love. Divorce would have been worse, I know that. I'm just so unsettled and my daughter has moved on without one tear.
Sorry to vent. I know so many people would tell me that this is nothing to get so upset about.
Sorry to vent. I know so many people would tell me that this is nothing to get so upset about.
Sorry to hear about your daughter and I agree that it is probably for the best (breaking it off before, rather than after), but it's your house. If I moved back with my parents, then I would have to follow their rules, or be kicked out...
Good luck.
Lynne
I agree with Rman: your house, your rules. She has everything and needs to learn that life is costly, money doesn't grow in trees and it is time to be responsible for her actions. This is too much.
1) Set her down and tell her she must abide by the rules of the house. Period.
2) CLOSE YOUR WALLET! She gets no more money for ANYTHING!
3) She pays rent; after all, she is 24 and old enough to do this.
4) If she doesn't like these terms, put her packed bags on the sidewalk.
My ex and I had trouble with his daughter when we were still married. She kept going to schools, flunking out, costing us a fortune. We finally said, "Any grade below a C and the next quarter's tuition will be yours to pay for." She thought we were bluffing.
Long story short--she paid for the rest of her education.
You gotta draw the line in the sand.
And don't let her threaten or manipulate you by saying, "Fine. I'll move in with loser guy." She'll do that anyway even if you were giving her the world.
Hugs!
Don't worry... the crap will hit the fan, and she'll eventually grow up.
Currently she sounds financially abusive, and controlling herself. Usually, controllers shout the other is controlling when they don't get their own way... Her reaction on coming home reiterates this...
My first fiancee was this way... We had lived together for a year, and 3 weeks before the wedding... she dropped the cheating bombshell. We talked through things... remained friends...
Years later she actually apologized for being such a s#!+. She divorced the "wrong guy", and married a pretty good guy.
don't give up hope...
She left, rented an apt with the baby's dad and lived with him until a month ago when they had an argument and she told him to leave. I am taking care of the baby and I love this little angel to death, but I made clear to all that if my daughter comes back to this house, I will leave at the same time and this will be the end of this marriage. She now cannot pay her rent alone and she changed jobs several times in the past year. All I can say is that I am tumbling my fingers waiting for the moment to come.
It is not that I don't love my daughter, but I will never again cover up for her mess. I am getting older and there isn't much left. I don't mind living alone but I will never again live with her. Enough abuse taken.