Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have a confession to make, a few actually. And it scares me a little bit.
a few days before my ex broke things off we got into a fight. The next day he said he wanted to see me, and that everything was ok and he wasn't mad at me and wanted to go to the beach. then I found he ignored me completely for three days. We never went to the beach. I got worried sick, scared, I was upset that he would act this way and neglect me for the rest of our lives and I just deleted him on all social networks and ignored his last text to me. I just don't know what came over me I guess I instinctively did it as this defense mechanism. I didn't know hoe else I would allow myself to leave him while I felt so confused by his behavior. The next day I waited and thought about things and realized I wasn't ready to leave him. I just wanted to talk to him about things and clear the air
by then I don't know if he was weirded out by my behavior but...thats when he started ignoring my calls and when he finally picked up I told him I was coming over. I came over with a gift I bought him after our fight a few days before and I tried to be affectionate and be myself. When I saw him that night I realized I wanted to work on things and pretend like nothing happened. That's when he threw me off of him and ignored me and turned his back on me and then dumped me two days later with no remorse, no care, nothing....
when our relationship ended he called me bipolar. I do feel like my actions literally in the last few days of our relationship could have been some kind of bipolar behavior or cognitive dissonance? I feel like i acted the way a psychopath would...that immediate blocking on instagram/discard. Although of course it was never my intention and i didn't want to hurt him i just freaked out and didn't know what to do with my emotions, how neglected i felt and how insecure i felt after our fight.
what if I'm a narc/psychopath just like him?! What if i acted so childishly to illicit a response from him just as a psychopath would? What if I'm the psychopath and he isn't? And he finally saw who i was when he realized i blocked him suddenly and then flipped and tried to comfort him and chase after him?
what if i am crazy? These actions have been bringing me a lot of guilt....and i need your honest opinions.
there is something else i have been feeling extreme guilt over.....
i begged for three months to be friends with my ex again. Finally he responded to me after three months but only when it was convenient for him. He left me stranded at a bar waiting for him, continued to ignore my texts, and then one night around 1030 he asked me to come over. I was desperate to see him again...i was still in love with him. And i ran over and when he greeted me he said, just letting you know Ryder is here
Ryder was his four year old son that he forbade me to see until he felt ready for me to see him when we were going out. So i never met Ryder during our relationship.
at that moment i should have ran but i didnt....
and i went upstairs with my ex and his angel of a child was sleeping in the next room
my ex poured us drinks and lit a joint and i got completely trashed and we slept together. All while his kid who i was never even allowed to see when we were together was sleeping in the next room.
i was in so much shock just being in the same room as my ex that i did everything he did. I let him sleep with me, i drank with him....with no consideration for that child or what might happen if god forbid there was a problem with him.
i was so desperate and stupid. What kind of man invites a woman over when his child is asleep in the next room, especially one who isn't the Childs mother...especially a woman who is his ex girlfriend..and sleeps with her and gets high with her like that?
when i left his place i literally felt like a used up prostitute and was disgusted by myself. I have been haunted about my actions....his actions...our actions since.
that poor child. If i knew my child was in that situation, sleeping while his father drank and smoked and slept with a woman that meant nothing to him...i would lose my mind.
i feel like a disgusting person. I'm disgusted by what a terrible father he is. I'm disgusted by how i allowed myself to act that way knowing a child was involved. I'm starting to feel just like him. I feel like a terrible person.......
do i deserve to be forgiven for all of this? How do i forgive myself?
a few days before my ex broke things off we got into a fight. The next day he said he wanted to see me, and that everything was ok and he wasn't mad at me and wanted to go to the beach. then I found he ignored me completely for three days. We never went to the beach. I got worried sick, scared, I was upset that he would act this way and neglect me for the rest of our lives and I just deleted him on all social networks and ignored his last text to me. I just don't know what came over me I guess I instinctively did it as this defense mechanism. I didn't know hoe else I would allow myself to leave him while I felt so confused by his behavior. The next day I waited and thought about things and realized I wasn't ready to leave him. I just wanted to talk to him about things and clear the air
by then I don't know if he was weirded out by my behavior but...thats when he started ignoring my calls and when he finally picked up I told him I was coming over. I came over with a gift I bought him after our fight a few days before and I tried to be affectionate and be myself. When I saw him that night I realized I wanted to work on things and pretend like nothing happened. That's when he threw me off of him and ignored me and turned his back on me and then dumped me two days later with no remorse, no care, nothing....
when our relationship ended he called me bipolar. I do feel like my actions literally in the last few days of our relationship could have been some kind of bipolar behavior or cognitive dissonance? I feel like i acted the way a psychopath would...that immediate blocking on instagram/discard. Although of course it was never my intention and i didn't want to hurt him i just freaked out and didn't know what to do with my emotions, how neglected i felt and how insecure i felt after our fight.
what if I'm a narc/psychopath just like him?! What if i acted so childishly to illicit a response from him just as a psychopath would? What if I'm the psychopath and he isn't? And he finally saw who i was when he realized i blocked him suddenly and then flipped and tried to comfort him and chase after him?
what if i am crazy? These actions have been bringing me a lot of guilt....and i need your honest opinions.
there is something else i have been feeling extreme guilt over.....
i begged for three months to be friends with my ex again. Finally he responded to me after three months but only when it was convenient for him. He left me stranded at a bar waiting for him, continued to ignore my texts, and then one night around 1030 he asked me to come over. I was desperate to see him again...i was still in love with him. And i ran over and when he greeted me he said, just letting you know Ryder is here
Ryder was his four year old son that he forbade me to see until he felt ready for me to see him when we were going out. So i never met Ryder during our relationship.
at that moment i should have ran but i didnt....
and i went upstairs with my ex and his angel of a child was sleeping in the next room
my ex poured us drinks and lit a joint and i got completely trashed and we slept together. All while his kid who i was never even allowed to see when we were together was sleeping in the next room.
i was in so much shock just being in the same room as my ex that i did everything he did. I let him sleep with me, i drank with him....with no consideration for that child or what might happen if god forbid there was a problem with him.
i was so desperate and stupid. What kind of man invites a woman over when his child is asleep in the next room, especially one who isn't the Childs mother...especially a woman who is his ex girlfriend..and sleeps with her and gets high with her like that?
when i left his place i literally felt like a used up prostitute and was disgusted by myself. I have been haunted about my actions....his actions...our actions since.
that poor child. If i knew my child was in that situation, sleeping while his father drank and smoked and slept with a woman that meant nothing to him...i would lose my mind.
i feel like a disgusting person. I'm disgusted by what a terrible father he is. I'm disgusted by how i allowed myself to act that way knowing a child was involved. I'm starting to feel just like him. I feel like a terrible person.......
do i deserve to be forgiven for all of this? How do i forgive myself?
deleted_user
Hi heyvee. I think you're being way too hard on yourself. I honestly think maybe your self esteem and self worth was low and being with him just made it worse. Take some time and worry about you and only you. It will take some time but it will be worth it and eventually when you are ready you'll meet someone who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
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