I've been doing ok since the last time I saw BD (in Oct).. I guess you could say I've been numb.. Its hard to explain.. Its a mix between sad, angry, and depressed.. but unexpressed.. I couldnt cry or talk about it.. I felt ok but not ok... Last night my brother and his wife came over.. My brother started an argument with his wife and started yelling at her and comparing her to his ex-gf. It kind of upset me to see him treat her that way because she is a very sweet girl.. Then my brother turned on me.. He went on facebook and said "Let's see what _________(insert OW's name) is up to.." He looked at me with a mean smirk. I said "Why would you say that? are you friends with her now?" He said that yes he had added her.. Then he goes "Let's see what she's up to... Oh she's pregnant!" He was purposely trying to rub it in my face.. (My husband's gf of 2 months is claiming to be pregnant by him).. I cant believe he was trying to be so mean to me and his wife.. WTF??

So, I went to school a few minutes later and as soon as I pulled in the parking lot, my brother called me & I answered.. He apologized for being a jerk and then went on to say she's pregnant again.. My brother has always had a problem with stirring up drama and saying things to get a reaction out of people. I had already had a talk with him and asked him not to bring up anything about my BD anymore.. I told him I needed him to be supportive... It's hard to get over someone if you are always being reminded of them. My brother can be such an a**hole sometimes! After I hung up on him, I started to cry (first time in a long time) and reality hit me like a ton of bricks.. I started having a panic attack and wasnt able to stop.. I couldnt go to class like that so I called my cousin who lives near the college and hung out with her til I calmed down enough to drive the 20minutes back home.. Now, I am very very depressed.. I wish I could go far away from here.. I really wish I could run away.. I know one thing, I'm gonna have to avoid my brother for a while..