Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Somerdad34 08/30/2008

It finally got to my daughter. All this back and forth with stbx and using my daughter as the messenger finally broke my daughter. I hate my wife and myself for this.

I feel awful that my daughter is having a hard time. I hate my wife for using her all the time. I begged my daughter to stop being the messenger. I don't want to hear anything my wife has to say through her. I've told my stbx to go through the lawyers. She is the one insistant in getting the RO.

My stbx asked my daughter to call me last night to tell me my stbx wants to drop off some furniture, I told my daughter i didn't want her to be the messenger, by my stbx insisted that I give her an answer. I gave her an answer but she didn't like it and told my daughter to hang up. I called back and talked to my daughter and asked her how she is doing. I just wanted to know she was alright, I also spoke with my son and asked him how he was doing.

Well, I was suppose to have the kids this morning, they didn't show up. My stbx sent me an email and told me that my daughter had a meltdown and wanted to get away from all of it. So, my stbx took her to my in-laws.

I can't believe my stbx is so stupid to keep using my daughter. I will definitely have something to say to my lawyer and possibly the judge when it is time.

My daughter is seeing a therapist to help her thgough all this.

MsBlank1 08/30/2008

(((hugs))))Somer.I'm going thru the same exact thing with my stbx and our kids.The kids are grown.They listen to all his whining about how I am a lousey mother,wife,person.Blahblahblah.He sends messages with our oldest daughter and papers for me to sign,etc.I've told my daughter to stay out of it and to tell her dad to get a therapist instead of using she and her sister...she finally moved out of his house today(thank God).It still doesn't stop the pain he is causing them (and me).
I'm so sorry and wish I knew what to do for both of our cases

Somerdad34 08/30/2008

I am just sick of what is happening to my daughter. Everytime she is with me or when i talk to her on the phone, all I want to know is how she is doing. I try to do fun activities with the kids.

My stbx keeps bringing in the kids. She did it again today, but with my 8 year old boy. She made him call me to ask me if I can have them tomorrow. Unbelievable, she just doesn't get it.

MsBlank1 08/30/2008

she must have eaten her bowl of stupid today(did I just say that? sorry)

deleted_user 08/30/2008

I hate it when the children are used in such a way and most of all, when they are subjected to both ill talk about the other parent or in the middle of a nasty dispute between both parents. They are the ones that suffer the most while our egos are hurt, their whole outlook on life gets hurt with a long term damage. We as adults can seek help to make things healthy again but young children...who do they have?

I'm sorry for your stbx for being such an IDOTIC ASSHOLE! Keep a journal of the things that are ocurring and take it to the child's therpist so they can address the problem to the IDIOTIC parent.

deleted_user 08/30/2008

The way that you prevent your daughter from being put in the middle is by refusing to talk to her about it. Just tell her that it's between the two of you. DO NOT TELL HER TO STOP BEING THE MESSENGER. Even if mom tries to insist. Simply change the subject and get off the phone. I know that you are in pain, are upset and are not realizing that you are only adding to what your stbx is doing. Of course I realize that you are simply reacting to your stbx's actions and demands and I can only imagine how hard it is. You need to hitail it to your attorney and petition the court to put a stop to your stbx's part in it. IMMEDIATELY. The time is right now.

Somerdad34 08/30/2008

Thanks lipstick, I will definitely call my lawyer on tuesday and see what she can do about it.

deleted_user 08/30/2008

Good...she can definitely put a stop to it...judges HATE when parents do this. I'm so glad that you aren't waiting. Good luck!

deleted_user 08/30/2008

Do you have a recorder? If not, get one. When you see it's one of your children calling let it start to go the recording. You can show a judge that conversation because it was recorded with their knowledge.

deleted_user 08/30/2008

somer, besides talking with your lawyer, which is a really good idea, what about talking with your daughter's therapist?

There is no reason you can't go in, have a session with her alone, so you can discuss with the therapist what's going on, from your point of view. And also maybe she can give you some ideas of how to work with your daughter, so you can help her through this as well.

(((BIG HUGS))) such a tough situation!

Somerdad34 08/30/2008

I have been in sessions with her therapist and voiced my concerns. My daughter is having a hard time communicating and express her feelings.

deleted_user 08/30/2008

rats...thought I came up with a winner!

Somerdad34 08/30/2008

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this or my stbx will freak out, I sent her an email begging her to stop using the kids as mesengers and please email or text me if she needs to contact me.

She will probably turn it around blaming me that she has to use the kids.

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