I finally just feel ok. There are setbacks occasionally but that's to be expected.  I know more will come once the divorce process starts. The no contact for the last 17 weeks has helped me. I can not imagine how people cope with divorce while living together. I could not do it. 

I've moved into my apartment full time last weekend. I have never lived alone. A big step for me. It's very empty here. New place, new city. It has helped that I have met and talked to new friends. This has helped make the transition easier. Talking helps deal with the loneliness. I feel more alone than lonely so that's a good thing I guess. Family has been a big help and very generous at times. And for that, I thank them. I know I am lucky to have them. So many people have family that are not close by to help them. 

Day by day, I'm slowly healing. The bad dreams are becoming less. Not thinking about her is becoming a reality. I'm more focused on treating this divorce more like a business deal. I'm trying to keep my emotions out of it. I do not want to make a bad decision I will regret later. I need this business deal to be fair, and I will fight for that to be. I'll need to be clear  headed and strong. 

My divorce group has been extremely helpful for me. I recommend to everyone. It has given me the tools to repair and rebuild myself. I'm becoming my old self again. After years of her narcissistic ways and myself changing to keep her happy...I lost my identity. I'm rebuilding myself back to the person I was. I will be happy being me. I don't need to change to make others happy. Like me for me, if you don't...well too bad, this is me. I will grieve when I need to but I will not sit here and sulk. I will go out and do the things I like to do. No more negativity...she is out of my life. No more control of me. I'm a positive person. The more positive I am, the more I detach from her. I will never let her bring me down again. This is how I feel today. I am free to be me!