While you are waiting to get into counseling with your H you need to find a therapist for you..
If he hasn't shown any remorse for his affair you might need to start gathering up financial records just in case you need them.

The fact that he resents you and is looking for an apartment is not good. You need time to decide what you want to do about this. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. That is what I had to do

get a restraining order and if he takes the car again report it stolen

Good advice trisha9054
Mannatee, I have a therapist and have started gathering copies (when I can) of the financial stuff. My husband handles all that and does it on line, which I don't have pwds, to. So when things come in the mail I make copies. It's good to know, cuz they're not suppose to be moving any $ money around without your knowledge. And I hate to say this, but your H sounds a lot like mine with all the confusing back and forths. Only mine didn't move out, I think it is their way of trying to have the control until they can get all that they want first. And maybe not wanting to look like the bad guy.(mine anyway) Is he getting what he wants and leaving you with all the rest to deal with?
Giving you just enough tidbits of hope to keep you thinking things might work out? And your heart is clinging to them for all their worth? Hanging on feeling if you let go your heart will truly break? And discover that you have no control over what he does or will do? And get mad at him for doing this to you?
Well that's pretty much how I've been feeling. Only I made the mistake of thinking I stopped loving him. I mean how can I love someone that can do this to me without feeling any remorse about it? Right? Wrong. I fell in love and for me it meant forever. My head knows this relationship is now good or even healthy for me. But my heart still wants to be in it forever. It's feeling like it failed in being able to be enough for him. That is so sad, but my girlfriend helped me see this. By denying my true feelings, was just making more of a mess and confusing myself as well. So like my girlfriend and so many others, you have to ask yourself, How do you really feel, and what do you really want? Then ask yourself, Is that what is best for you? Think realistically. I cried. I had a hard time accepting the truth. But today I don't feel as much conflict within me.
Oh and if my husband had an actual affair, not just an emotional one, he'd so be gone! And I told him that at the beginning. To me that is the ultimate betrayal. And especially if he tried to follow it all up like he's been doing, not giving me much at all, thinking that I'm going to just keep taking it, Well that would override "forever" forever. If a man loves his wife he would not do that. If hes unsure then talk about it! How hard is that gentlemen!!!!! Ok can you tell thats a sore spot with me?
Mannatee, I don't know your husband or what your relationship was like throughout your marriage. But if he's not showing any remorse and has moved out "saying he needs space" that should be sending red flags up all over the place. I'm sorry dear for sounding harsh. I just want the best for you, and he doesn't sound like it from here. I went on line and started looking at sites that talked about how to deal with having to live with the ex. Not fun let me tell ya. But I found a quote that I thought could really help me. (Since I had got to a bad place, dwelling and going over and over in my head all the crap hes put me through and all the whoas as me's that im going to have to go through, and being mad, sad and afraid all at the same time, how am I ever going to get my life back? I'm so depressed) The quote read, "Living Well is the best Revenge". That sounded good to me. Dont give him the satisfaction of letting him think he got the better hand, while you appear weak and defeated. Let him see that he didnt get tje better of you. Show him what hes going to be missing. I don't know how on earth I'm going to do this myself. I have a lot of emotional baggage to work through as well as trying to gain back my self-"everything". I have to do this for myself. I know. I 'm going to stumple, and fall but i will do my best to get to get to the other side. stuff But right now the hardest part is that we still have to livetogether and no further discussion about divorce has been brought up. Which for me at is point is ok. Since I'm still try to get a better handle on myself. We may end up having to stay together here over the winter and start selling the house in the slting. At least you get to be away from yours. And as far as the meetup, I wouldn't if I were you. Spare yourself as much pain as you an. Ok, wow, that was long winded. Sorry for the lengthyness of this. But I'll say it again...I would like you to have what is best for you. You! Not someone else. Big hugs.

Ok WOW, that really was long. I guess I got carried away. :)

Thank you so much for your comments. What you say makes sense and I agree with everything you say. I cant believe I still want him after everything he has put me through. Its weak, I need to take control and move on.

I love the fact that he is willing to counsel with you, thats a step in the right direction. Its obvious that he wants to work things out, but first its important that you work things out in yourselves first. Infidelity is tough, an emotions are all over the place. Getting past the betrayal is even tougher depending on what your beliefs are. Try to go into counseling with the mindset of just working on you and getting yourself better. Your husband is not your responsibility to fix, but you can decide how well you want to become, your happiness and wellbeing is never based on another persons behavior. You can do this!!!!!

This line causes me to pause "He has said he will go to couples counselling with me but he cant make me any promises".

My ex said for years that he wanted to go to counseling so I asked him to please set it up, multiple times. I knew he didn't want to go, as he can't face any kinds of negative emotions. He never set it up. When I finally did, he missed appointments, and wouldn't acknowledge that I was hurting too, despite the counselor saying things to him like "listen to what she's saying, what she's saying is valid".

His actions were true, his words were lies.

Do you think your husband will REALLY put in the effort at marriage counseling? He might, but he also just might be buying time..... Look at his past actions.

You've gotten some good advice here already.

My opinion on the situation you have described is this.

He is pretty sure the marriage is over and he wants out. He is open to counseling in order to look like he is trying for appearances. He may also be hoping you will be desperate, agree to anything he wants to change in the relationship and give him all the power.

I've read a lot of good advice above.

- Put him in charge of finding couples counseling to show he's still in this marriage.

-Get a therapist for yourself to help you through ruff times ahead.

-Let your core support people know that you will be in need of there help in the coming months.

- Grieving is a process that will take time and will competently suck most of the "give a dam" out of you. Eventually you will arrive on solid ground again to begin rebuilding a better you.

-One thing that helped me heal was concluding that the person they are now, is not the person you fell in love with years ago and married.

My marriage was slowly dying, Up until the point she chose to start seeing, sleeping with other guys, there was still hope. Something positive could still happen. We could still count on the vows we had taken. When I found out about her infidelity, my heart crashed. I was an emotional mess. She was quite fine. She said she had already moved on emotionally and was moved out.

This was not the woman I fell in love with or the woman I married. That woman I still do love and will always miss, but that is the past. I can only live in the present and although this woman says she still does and always will love me, I filed for a divorce.

Jumping ahead several months, I'm doing much better now. My Ex is an emotional wreck She wants to rebuild our relationship. Get back the deep intimacy was shared after a 27 year marriage. I have so little respect for her now. I have no love at all for her, nor do I have hate.

You to can weather the storm ahead. It will suck much out of you. Use your resources and hang on. By the minutes, then hours, days, weeks, until you reach solid ground again.

Ps. Men cheat on wives, Women cheat on husbands
Men still cheat more often, but the ratio is quickly changing and getting closer these days.

Mannatee, you are not weak. Your in love. And that love is being betrayed. It takes your breath away. But now it's time to breath again. And this time just for you. You may want to get a good "seatbelt" this rollercoaster is intense! Make sure your well stocked on tissues and the comfort foods of choice. Have your support family and friends on the ready. Don't forget to keep turning "your power" on. Write up some good positve affiermations for yourself, and put them up in places youll be able to see them. Oh, And don't let the turd see you cry.
I got a bit of new info on my stbx, today, Made me realize just how little emotional feelings he actually has. Put a much bigger dent in my reasons to not want him anymore pile.
You hang in there. I'm here if you need. Big hugs.

Thanks everyone, I met up with him last night. I sat with someone that I have known for over 25 years but felt I didnt know him at all. He has decided to go for individual counselling before couples counselling which is probably a good idea. I think he is still doubtful that we can move forward, not just because of the affair, but because of the state of our marriage before the affair.
I have found out about more lies he told me and our son and I would lke him to confess those lies to our son. However, he is reluctant; this is surely to protect himself. Should I push him? Surely you have to own your lies?

My EXH was willing to go to counseling as long as he didn't have to do anything else, like work on the marriage. He did not do anything the therapist said to do, he said those were just suggestions. He was open to saying what was wrong with me, but any of my complaints were ignored.

Only you know how much you can tolerate (((HUGS))) all I can say, is all of this is totally typical of your situation.

Vikki Stark wrote a book titled, "Runaway Husbands." It's highly recommended There is also a website with the same title. Here is a link. https://www.runawayhusbands.com/


disclaimer....women run away too, I'm not saying it's only men

I would not let his lies consume your thoughts. Your son will know the truth without knowing the details purely from watching his father's actions. It is not for you to reveal your husband's failures and flaws to your son, but instead it is your responsibility to bring love, security, dependability, and faith to your son's life. Don't let yourself get mired in the evil of what has happened. Look for ways to bring good to your son and yourself in the days ahead.