First off let me apologize for being absent for a good chunk of time from this web site. I needed a long term break away from certain situations, people, and technology as to try and once in for all, "get my head screwed on right"! But I'm tip toeing back into technology, so I should be here more regularly now.

Next, back on March-3rd I hit the 7 month mark, 7 months ago from that date my relationship with my ex-fianc unfortunately ended, trust me, it wasn't by my design, but it ended all the same!

In the time that has followed, I have had but no choice to start on walking the path towards recovery from this event, and try my best to draw from it the valued lessons that I needed to learn about the breakup, why it happened, what my part was in it, what her part was in it and contemplate and ready myself for a future without her.

As time has gone by, from day one, to now little over 7 months, I have learned some painful lessons, lessons that unveiled themselves to me via my active participation in several local support groups, one being a 12 step Codependency group, where very quickly I was being exposed to many people who have suffered the same fate as me.

With the help from the group as a whole, and some help independently from it's members I had been shown fairly quickly that I had a very big hand in the demise of my prior relationship. I was shown, very painfully, how I was wearing some pretty thick rose colored glasses, and I was wearing some pretty thick blinders on the sides as well.

At first I was reluctant to learn, but I gradually gave in and listened to these people who were trying their best to help me understand it all. I was shown that on my very first night at my ex-fiance's home in Ohio, back in May of 2013, the biggest "red flag" was flown and I did nothing to stop the situation. I did nothing but go along with it....all because I was "so in love". The first night after landing at their local airport we got home, it's late, people are tired, it's time for bed. Due to my up raising, my training in the arts of professionalism, I respectfully requested a blanket and pillow, as I told them out of respect to the family, and not wanting to give any indication that I only flew 2000 miles for a mire "booty call", I was willing to make up my bed on the downstairs sofa. I was told by her Father that would not be acceptable. Then I offered to sleep on their downstairs living room recliner, again, not acceptable. I then out of slight frustration offered to sleep on the living room floor, again, not acceptable. I then proceeded to inquire with my fianc's Father what would be acceptable? He told me in very short order....."Son, get your butt up those stairs and sleep with your Wife"!

"Wife".......?.........we're not married yet......?....."wife"......okay.......so this is how it's going to be.....okay!

Pretty damn thick rose colored glasses were being worn that night, huge "red flag" and I did nothing to stop it! This is just one example of lessons I have been shown and learned as towards my part in the down fall of the relationship. It all was innocent ignoring of the red flags at first, but I had no clue at the time how much everything that I was ignoring would play into the down fall.

But as time has gone on, I have become more accepting that I simply got myself into something that wasn't properly vented, properly investigated and I went to fast in trying to get into the relationship in the first place......."doomed from the start" is what I have been told, and now have come to accept.

But you know, the other night I took a very long night time walk, about 3-4 miles of a walk. I started thinking! Aaron, there's approx. over 6 billion people on this planet. We are all just grains or sand on the beach of life. But one day your exposed to one of these grains of sand, acquaintances at first, then there might be the spark of friendship and over time you fall in love with this one person out of the 6 billion people on the planet. They come into your life and you get turned all upside down, everything is okay, all is justified, all is forgiven, all is accepted.....because after all.....it's okay my life is upside down, after all, it's all for love. Then this grain of sand is with you, everyday, every night, you learn about it, it's all exciting, fresh, raw, cutting edge, wonderful.....ect. ect. ect.

But at some point, either by fault of your own, or the fault of the other there's a change! And at some point this little grain of sand leaves you and is content with laying back down on the beach of life, and resume her role in life. It's just floors me how this one person, this grain of sand can touch you, move you, fill you full of love and wonderment, convince you that their in it for life with you. And after their gone, how this little grain of sand can almost destroy you, turn your world upside down again, but this time in a negative way, make you feel anger, rage, disappointment, grief, doubts, worry, crying with hurtful emotions and sometimes making one feel suicidal....ect. ect. ect.

Enough time has gone by for me that now a days, yeah, sometimes I give her some thought or thoughts, but it's not chronic obsessive as it was. I very rarely "name drop" anymore, or "situation" drop anymore. It's almost become a mute topic with my close friends and family. I'm here to tell anyone currently who's "in it" that it does get better. I'm very lucky and fortunate to have the people I have in my life, who have helped open my mind up, share their thoughts and feelings with me and let me decide as what to do with the information. Lucky for me I'm finally at a point in all this where I'm open minded to the parts I played, my faults, holding myself accountable and responsible for the negative parts I played in all of this.

But the most important part, I'm finally at a place where I am learning from all of this. Knowing what best to do for myself the next time I entertain getting myself into another relationship.

I only wish my ex-fianc the best of luck with her life now, she made a choice, regardless of the outside influences that she was under, she still made a choice to leave. And as time has gone by, I've come to learn to accept the choice and even have some low level respect for the choice made.

I've learned the hard way......"the sick can't save the sick"! I tried to play the savior/messiah and I crashed and burned for it. Because after all, I was just as sick as she was, I just didn't know it!

I have to be honest, this road to recovery I'm on isn't any cake walk. I still have my moments of anger, guilt, thoughts of her and how she's doing, the shame, the embarrassments and so forth. I'm okay now with it just being me here! I'm generally okay with waking up alone in the mornings and falling asleep alone at night. I'm generally okay with going out in public again, even thought when I see other couples in love at say a grocery store, holding hands and dripping with love, sometimes it stings. But I just try to remind myself that my ex-fianc won't be the last time I feel drippy about a person again......there will be another!

I hope everyone out there is doing as best they can, regardless of what stage of a breakup your at, I just hope everyone is doing okay, or at least doing the best you can. And know, in time, if in time if not we get better, we at least in time can acquire an understanding of some if not all.

"Hang in there".........."And thank you for your time"!