I am 40 yrs old and for the first time I admitt it.is was in a 3yr relationship with. Wonderful woman and her with girls age 4 and 9 and my boys age 9 and 13, we hit if off and fell in love and it worked for three yrs till I decided to let alcohol get the best of me and hit a tree with our truck as I was drunk  (blacked out) no excuse either. She threw me out and that left me homeless, then I decided my problems were 2 much to handle and threatened to kill my self, I had a gun and sat with it for 4hrs, until she talked me down and now I'm getting the help I need. For the past seven years I have struggled with alcohol and depression and anxiety as leaving the army and coming home to a different world as I spent 15months in iraq. I never let anyone fully in and it cost me a marriage and another relationship before this point. Now I realize it was a problem and taken steps to fix me, and going to rehab.. This fight is my to fight by myself and it's very painful. My girl wants me to focus and fix me before we can fix us and our family, which means I have to get help and a job and a place to live to prove I can do it, I know it's gonna take time and I have the fear of losing what I hold dear to me, she still tells me she loves me and will speak and meet with me from time to time and I feel that shows she is still in love with me, She called me at 11pm on new years eve to meet her and we spent it together, I feel that means a lot. With the live she still showing makes me wanna move mountains to win my family back, but am unsure at the smell time as I can't go home, I feel what I'm doing is good for me and my family but have this fear I'm doing it all for nothing. Any guidance would be helpful.