Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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littlepenguin 01/25/2017

We've been separated about 8 months, legally divorced for 2. I live alone and for most of the last 8 months have been doing pretty well. Spending lots of time with friends and family, meeting new people, dating a bit, etc. But for the last month or so I've started feeling really sad about the end of my marriage. My ex wasn't a horrible guy, but he had a drinking problem and had developed an anger issue. After 2 years of trying to talk it out, him promising to improve, etc. I couldn't take it anymore and told him I wanted to end things.

Right before the divorce was final, I reached out and asked him if he thought we should try to give it one more shot. He said no, that he had "never been happier" and that he was seeing someone. That hurt me deeply but I accepted it and went on with my life and started dating agian. I was doing fine.

Now, months later and after everything is legally done, I have started to feel some sadness and regret about ending our relationship. I miss him and think about him often. I've cried probably a hundred times in the last month over this. I've been seeing a therapist but so far haven't been able to resolve my feelings. I don't know if I should reach out one more time to try to reconcile things or leave it alone and just try to move on. I can't help feeling that maybe I pushed him away too quickly and that I made a big mistake.

littlepenguin 01/25/2017

Also worth noting: the last time I saw him (to finalize the sale of our home last week), when we were saying goodbye he gave me several hugs and started to cry. And I cried. So basically we were both hugging and crying in a parking lot. I wonder if he still has feelings too...

SBC1238 01/25/2017

If you can avoid it, I would say no. Maybe you are just having one of those days. Reaching out will only get your feelings hurt, and you don't need that. I know exactly how you feel because I have been in the exact same position. If he said he didn't want work things out and has never been happier, as gut wrenching as that is you have to work on accepting that in your mind and moving on yourself. It does take time, but down the road things will get better and you may even meet the right person for you. Hugs!

STex 01/25/2017

I agree with SBC reaching out will only open the wound. Seeing him last week has brought all to the surface again. I am sorry that you are hurting. We just have to accept the fact that it is going to hurt and get on with it. For me, no contact is the only way to move on.

JuJugma 01/25/2017

I think you should look at the real reason that you left in the first place, has he gotten any help for his drinking and anger issues, if not if you would get back together most likely things will go great for a while and then things will slowly go back to the way they were. My stbx was also a great guy when he wasn't drinking, and being verbally abusive and accusing me of everything, but I could not live with all of the times he was that way, those times outweighed the good guy that I knew he could be. I miss and love my stbx, but I have come to love myself more and know that I do not deserve to be treated that way!! May I also suggest to you if your are not completely over your ex, and are having these feeling, you probably shouldn't be dating yet. Hugs, wish you well. Trust in the lord with all of your heart and rely not on your own Understanding!!

littlepenguin 01/25/2017

@JuJugma - From what he's told me, he has been to therapy for both issues and is only drinking socially now (as opposed to every single day, several drinks). I'm not sure if these are permanent changes but the last couple of times I've seen him, he has acted more like his "old" self (the guy I married). But, I agree that there would definitely be a chance of relapsing into his bad habits.

radhika 01/25/2017

its natural to miss ex husband .our heart always thinks of fixing things , searching for reasons, pleading us to try again, forcing and tormenting us to look back into past.the reason for brake up was end of patience , total loss of hope in relationship.can you tolerate the same mental torture again?what if your ex behaves in the same manner again.?in my personal experience i tried again and again till i was dam sure my ex will never change.some people dont change may be they are born that way and die with such attitude.nothing and no one can change them.while some people change with time.but do you have patience to wait for that kind of a change in your ex, how many months or years will that person takes to become abetter person.?

littlepenguin 01/27/2017

Hi everyone, I have an update. My ex called me yesterday to ask about some items we need to exchange. We ended up talking for 30 minutes. I did not tell him that I missed him, but I did tell him that I regret some of the things I did during our initial separation. He said he appreciated my apologies and hoped for the best for both of us. Overall it was a good conversation and gave me enough closure to help me move on for the time being. He thinks we both need to work on ourselves as people and I agree with him. I was still very sad when I got off the call and spent a good deal of time crying, but I do feel like having that conversation helped me move past my initial feelings of regret. Thanks everyone for your advice.

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