Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
EVERYTHING I read about moving forward, lists the emotional stages that one goes through when going through a divorce. So... after 10 months since divorce (and in some ways, no further along than I was 18 months ago when we split up), I finally am realizing I never went through the "anger" stage, and I am thinking that is why I just can't seem to get on with my life. Do you think you have to go through that stage to be able to move forward? I have been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for so long, that I am still seemingly in pretty much the same place I was emotionally so many months ago, and it finally dawned on me that that might be the problem? I have LOTS to be angry about, but sadness, depression, and being "stuck" in the past, is where I am right now. I am tired of it!!! Has anyone else "bypassed" that stage? Thanks ...Cindy
I want him to suffer as he has hurt me so much.
cwalla - Last night I was told from a girl who took a psychology class that the stages are (1) denial (2) anger (3) bargaining (4) sadness/depression (5) acceptance. I personally have not had the stages occur in a particular order. I sometimes would have a bunch of feelings/stages throughout one day. I mean do you feel anger at all? Do you still have a lot of feelings towards him that you cannot hate him? I'm curious because when my ex first broke up with me I could not be angry at all, but the more time we are apart the more anger builds and well...sometimes it just vanishes and becomes sadness again. I'm in a bit of a rollercoaster and honestly I don't see it possible to put clean cut boundaries around the stages.
Good luck!! Don't be too hard on yourself!!! Remember your accomplishments. We know you have many that you may overlook!
You see, neither of us could see what we were suffering from...especially the pasts that haunted us and dictated our behaviors in the context of the marriage. Even in marriage counseling, and we went to a few of them, neither of us had the "eyes to see" what was really happening...what we each brought along with us...the was we were destined to behave until we awakended to the truth about ourselves.
I don't know if she ever has...that's none of my concern, but I have never learned more about myself that I have in the past two months and I get all misty with the joy I experience at that realization.
I guess the question is: How useful is it for you to feel anger at this point? I know that different people go through the stages in varing degrees and at differing points in the process...I don't think we should subscribe to the idea of the stages thinking that if we check each one off the list then we'll be okay. There is much much more to the process than that...maybe we went through a very brief anger stage and that was all we needed?
Dunno.
Breakfast today: Haydn Symphonies 6, 7 and 8. Loverly.
Anger or hate are not an emotions that I have towards others in general.
I have all the other feelings that I go through almost everyday. I don't think I need anger get my hurt be known.
So maybe you just don't have that "real anger" in you either. I'm sure we have it in us somewhere, but what good would it do to help us?
But reading what slyph said, maybe I had all my anger during marriage, but I really wasn't "allowed" to express it. Maybe I just learned to skip the anger? IDK. Maybe some of us, just don't have the tendency to have anger, more likely we get our feelings hurt, instead. I still think we will be able to move on.
HUGS!