Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Disclaimer: I don't even begin to pretend I'm anywhere near capable of this level of enlightenment, and most likely I never will reach that lofty height. Frankly on some level it scares me, but I suppose if I ever did reach enlightenment I would have a different view.
However there is a lesson to be learned here, and it helps me keep things in perspective.
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One Zen monk, Bokuju, was passing through a street in a village. Somebody came and struck him with a stick. He fell down, and with him, the stick also. He got up and picked up the stick. The man who had hit him was running away. Bokuju ran after him, calling, Wait, take your stick with you!
He followed after him and gave him the stick. A crowd had gathered to see what was happening, and somebody asked Bokuju, That man struck you hard, and you have not said anything!
Bokuju is reported to have said, A fact is a fact. He has hit, thats all. It happened that he was the hitter and I was the hit. It is just as if I am passing under a tree, or sitting under a tree, and a branch falls down. What will I do? What can I do?
But the crowd said, But a branch is a branch, this is a man. We cannot say anything to the branch, we cannot punish it. We cannot say to the tree that it is bad, because a tree is a tree, it has no mind.
Bokuju said, This man to me is also just a branch. And if I cannot say anything to the tree, why should I bother to say anything to this man? It happened. I am not going to interpret what has happened. And it has already happened. Why get worried about it? It is finished, over.
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Now I don't interpret this as sayig the hitter should not escape any and all repercussions for his actions. Only that the hit is not the one to hold trial, pass judgement, hand down sentence and then execute the sentence.
By the way, I wouldn't have given the hitter his stick back!!! :-)
However there is a lesson to be learned here, and it helps me keep things in perspective.
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One Zen monk, Bokuju, was passing through a street in a village. Somebody came and struck him with a stick. He fell down, and with him, the stick also. He got up and picked up the stick. The man who had hit him was running away. Bokuju ran after him, calling, Wait, take your stick with you!
He followed after him and gave him the stick. A crowd had gathered to see what was happening, and somebody asked Bokuju, That man struck you hard, and you have not said anything!
Bokuju is reported to have said, A fact is a fact. He has hit, thats all. It happened that he was the hitter and I was the hit. It is just as if I am passing under a tree, or sitting under a tree, and a branch falls down. What will I do? What can I do?
But the crowd said, But a branch is a branch, this is a man. We cannot say anything to the branch, we cannot punish it. We cannot say to the tree that it is bad, because a tree is a tree, it has no mind.
Bokuju said, This man to me is also just a branch. And if I cannot say anything to the tree, why should I bother to say anything to this man? It happened. I am not going to interpret what has happened. And it has already happened. Why get worried about it? It is finished, over.
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Now I don't interpret this as sayig the hitter should not escape any and all repercussions for his actions. Only that the hit is not the one to hold trial, pass judgement, hand down sentence and then execute the sentence.
By the way, I wouldn't have given the hitter his stick back!!! :-)
In some ways, I can relate to the monk, while he was hit, and the pain was felt, that is in the past, retaliation, though possibly amusing at the time, does nothing to reduce the pain, does not turn back time to a point before the blow was struck. nor does it insure that a similar incident will not occur.
As Rafiki said to Simba, "hakuna matata"
As the monks continued on their way, the one was brooding and preoccupied. Unable to hold his silence, he spoke out.
"Brother, our spiritual training teaches us to avoid any contact with women, but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!"
"Brother," the second monk replied,
"I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her."
it reminds me of M. Scott Peck's book, "The People Of The Lie."
I want to hit the person that hit me with stick.
I admit I will die of stress and heart disease sooner than monk because of my emotions.
I am not a robot, a monk, a vulcan.
I want vengence, I want the person who hurt me to suffer ....badly.
I understand Vengence is mine says the lord. But I still desire Justice, Vengence and Payback in my soul.
really?
in what way?
but, in the end, we have to find ways to rise above it and carry on. life is too short for us to linger too long.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bCyIAsSid8
The little boy was walking down a path and he came across a rattlesnake. The rattlesnake was getting old. He asked, "Please little boy, can you take me to the top of the mountain? I hope to see the sunset one last time before I die." The little boy answered "No Mr. Rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you'll bite me and I'll die." The rattlesnake said, "No, I promise. I won't bite you. Just please take me up to the mountain." The little boy thought about it and finally picked up that rattlesnake and took it close to his chest and carried it up to the top of the mountain.
They sat there and watched the sunset together. It was so beautiful. Then after sunset the rattlesnake turned to the little boy and asked, "Can I go home now? I am tired, and I am old." The little boy picked up the rattlesnake and again took it to his chest and held it tightly and safely. He came all the way down the mountain holding the snake carefully and took it to his home to give him some food and a place to sleep. The next day the rattlesnake turned to the boy and asked, "Please little boy, will you take me back to my home now? It is time for me to leave this world, and I would like to be at my home now." The little boy felt he had been safe all this time and the snake had kept his word, so he would take it home as asked.
He carefully picked up the snake, took it close to his chest, and carried him back to the woods, to his home to die. Just before he laid the rattlesnake down, the rattlesnake turned and bit him in the chest. The little boy cried out and threw the snake upon the ground. "Mr. Snake, why did you do that? Now I will surely die!" The rattlesnake looked up at him and grinned, "You knew what I was when you picked me up."
Now that I KNOW my EX is a snake....I won't be picking him up anymore. Too bad I had to get bit a few times :)
Don't cry for me....I get a second chance....life is good :)
Boy - did that realisation set me free. I apply it to all areas of my life now. The freedom..........it is good!