I have been married for almost 10 years. From the start, I should have known that this wouldn't work but I married him anyways despite many people seeing the red flags that I was too naive to see. So many regrets and no real foundation to stand on.

Now, I find myself in an emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive relationship (some mild physical alterations when tempers run hot). 2 kids (9 & 7). He doesn't work and hasn't really the past 9 years even though now is a good time with the kids in school. I work a full time job and a part time job, 7 days a week almost 60 hours a week. He sure loves to spend the money he doesn't make. Wouldn't be too bad if he did the things that most stay-at-home parents do. 

He sure messes with my head. Sometimes he will do things for awhile but then he expects constant gratitude. Then its on with the name calling, the put downs, and the guilt trip of me not being home, and on goes the cycle. My kids are picking up these behaviors. 

I feel like I'm married to my baby sitter. There is no love, no connenction, no respect, no joy. I feel trapped with no way out. Out of state, no close friends or family, sole money earner, a house, cars, etc. I struggle with the right thing to do: divorce or keep losing myself in a marriage that has failed. Who am I hurting by staying ? Am I too scared of the unknown that I will but up with the fear I know ? If I stay, am I taking the easy way out and teaching these bad behaviors to my children.

I have been gathering things and making plans. Meeting with a lawyer. I'm terrified of how things will play out. There are so many scenarios that go through my mind and none of them are peaceful.