If it is fact, and not your insecurities, that she has had multiple affairs in the 12 years you have been married and she is currently having one now, then she never viewed the marriage of a serious and sacred commitment. Have the two of you ever sought marriage counseling. I am a huge advocate of saving marriages when kids are involved. However, both people must be totally committed to the cause. Unfortunately, it does not sound like your wife ever was. Keep your focus on you and your kids. You cannot control what she does or what she thinks.

She was committed i failed as a husband to perform my duties i have to make a change.

I don't know how to change who i am and know that who i am is not really who i want to be

How have you failed? Whatever you did gave her know reason to have multiple affairs. She may be trying to blame you. Last time I , two wrongs don't make it right. So if you did something in the marriage she found irreconcilable, she should've asked for out before the affairs. Do not take the blame of the immoral actions of a spouse on yourself. Maybe you weren't the best husband, you did not force her to jump into bed with other men. That was all her and is all on her!

I am a person who forgives not that forget. I love this woman. She is my first love that i didnt know i loved. I withheld sex from her, treated her like a roomate instead of a lover, put mistrust in her early on in our relationship. She is at fault and has takin responsibilities for them. What caused this last time was recent. She has been at home for 2 years doing for our family and the one time she goes out with a girlfriend of hers i felt my insecurities kick in and fed into them believing that she had to of done something wrong. I know i was in the wrong for this but i mess up and everything i say and do backfires on me. She is my first relationship and i never experienced one before her so i feel like everything i learned before her came from my parents faild marriage and now im repeating their mistakes from both sides. I see both my mom and my dads mistakes in me. I have asked for marriage counseling before but she is against it stating that im the one who needs help because of my insecurities. She has seen counselors in the past before me and said that they dont work so im stuck seeking help for myself and this is one of the first places ive looked with the exception of the sites that teach self help for those that dont want a divorce but their spouse does.

There are many issues on the table that you need to deal with and it sounds like she has checked out of the marriage. If she is not willing to try to save the marriage, then, unfortunately, it is over. The best thing you can do is start to get help for yourself so you don't repeat the sins of your parents. If you are insecure with your current wife, most likely, you will continue to be insecure with any relationship until you deal with the why and have a better self-esteem. Y, ou need YOU time. Time to focus on you, time to make yourself happy.

Ditto, with repeating the mistakes seen in your parent's marriage. I was 25 when I married, 100% financially self-sufficient, had been taking care of myself since ..... forever it seems. I largely put myself through college, found housing during most college vacations (went home only those times I was absolutely stuck). So I was responsible, educated, but I didn't understand the emotional side of myself, and married the first guy I got serious with, after dating for 4 years. It was a HUGE mistake for me to have married the first guy. I found in him that I repeated the patterns I saw in my parent's marriage - dad never around, then when he was home, never helped out with the kids or around the house, did what he wanted when he wanted, leaving mom to do everything (9 children, 1 severely disabled). It wasn't that I enjoyed the role that I took on, I just simply didn't know any better. It was familiar, and there is some comfort in familiarity.

Now I do know better.

I think you need to reach out to a therapist, so that you may uncover who you are and why you act as you do. You say you aren't the man you want to be, so with your desire to work on yourself and an open mind, I really think you can change into the person you want to be.

As for your marriage, from my perspective it seems like too many boundaries have been crossed too many times. There's no trust on either side.

Thank you this is conformation as to what i am feeling. It is just very scary to go through it.

Thank you this is conformation as to what i am feeling. It is just very scary to go through it.