Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm not divorced yet. We've been married 1 year and 1 week as of yesterday. Let me start with a basic history of our relationship.
Started dating June 5, 2010. I was 18, he was 19.
A week later my mom kicked me out because of some family issues with my stepdad and I moved in with him and his parents.
In July 2010 we found out I was pregnant. I miscarried.
In August 2010 we moved into our first apartment.
In September 2010 we found out I was pregnant again. Miscarried a second time.
In April 2011 we had our 3rd miscarriage. I was a complete wreck until the following August. He almost left me but in July 2011 he proposed.
In October 2011 we suffered our 4th loss. Doctor's can't tell me why but I was braced for it. He seemed to be more effected than I was.
In October 2011 he started a new job, more money but he worked nights and I worked days. We hardly seen eachother.
In November 2011 we were married. He enlisted.
In February 2012 we miscarried our 5th baby. He started an affair that lasted until May. In June he left for basic training.
In August he graduated, we spent part of 4 days together.
In September I found out he had started the affair again but online as he was in tech school. We moved into our new apartment in a new place, I started a new job. He ended the affair.
November 2012 was our one year marriage anniversary.
We're moving again in Feb 2013.
I love him, and I believe he loves me. We don't spend a lot of time together. We've gone out on one date since September when we moved back in together after being apart from June to mid-September... and that was our anniversary. He purchased a $500 computer. Which was fine. We agreed it would be his anniversary/Christmas present... I didn't ask for anything. And I didn't get anything, not even a card. Which was ok because I really didn't ask for anything. Since he got this new computer (its been 2 weeks) he's spent every moment he's home playing computer games. He did this before for months at a time until I begged him to slow it down. He hasn't helped clean, he doesn't take our dogs out while I'm at work... Since about 2 weeks after moving here our sex life has become almost non-existent and when we do have sex I'm the one who does all the work and we can only have sex when HE wants to, regardless of when I want to. If I'm not in the mood he guilt trips me into having sex because we only have sex once every couple of weeks, if that. I was hoping to go to college when we move in Feb because I had to turn down my college acceptance & scholarships because of the family issues with my mom and stepdad before they kicked me out years before, but he wants to start trying for a baby again and wants me to go to school after we have one or two kids. I know at this point being 21 years old if I have kids right now I probably wont go to school at all. I was ok with trying before after we lost our first because I want kids and I wasn't ready for school because I had changed my career path (I would have been going to be a journalist, now I'm in the photography/graphic design industry but would love a degree in this field).
I guess my complaint is he doesn't care about my needs, he ignores me, there is no romance and I'm not satisfied sexually anymore... I want to stick through tech school because I know he's under a lot of stress and we hardly see each other right now... But I'm worried that his behavior won't change when we move. Sometimes I feel like he only wants to be with me because we both want kids, even though I would like to wait a few more years to give myself time to heal emotionally and to better myself....
My question would be that those here who have divorced, do you regret it? What pushed you to the point where it wasn't just thinking about it anymore, you actually wanted to do it? I'm so lost and I love him, I don't want to lose him, but I can't be miserable for the rest of my life. He's refused marriage counseling, so that's out. I really don't know how to fix things on my own, and I'm the only one trying....
Started dating June 5, 2010. I was 18, he was 19.
A week later my mom kicked me out because of some family issues with my stepdad and I moved in with him and his parents.
In July 2010 we found out I was pregnant. I miscarried.
In August 2010 we moved into our first apartment.
In September 2010 we found out I was pregnant again. Miscarried a second time.
In April 2011 we had our 3rd miscarriage. I was a complete wreck until the following August. He almost left me but in July 2011 he proposed.
In October 2011 we suffered our 4th loss. Doctor's can't tell me why but I was braced for it. He seemed to be more effected than I was.
In October 2011 he started a new job, more money but he worked nights and I worked days. We hardly seen eachother.
In November 2011 we were married. He enlisted.
In February 2012 we miscarried our 5th baby. He started an affair that lasted until May. In June he left for basic training.
In August he graduated, we spent part of 4 days together.
In September I found out he had started the affair again but online as he was in tech school. We moved into our new apartment in a new place, I started a new job. He ended the affair.
November 2012 was our one year marriage anniversary.
We're moving again in Feb 2013.
I love him, and I believe he loves me. We don't spend a lot of time together. We've gone out on one date since September when we moved back in together after being apart from June to mid-September... and that was our anniversary. He purchased a $500 computer. Which was fine. We agreed it would be his anniversary/Christmas present... I didn't ask for anything. And I didn't get anything, not even a card. Which was ok because I really didn't ask for anything. Since he got this new computer (its been 2 weeks) he's spent every moment he's home playing computer games. He did this before for months at a time until I begged him to slow it down. He hasn't helped clean, he doesn't take our dogs out while I'm at work... Since about 2 weeks after moving here our sex life has become almost non-existent and when we do have sex I'm the one who does all the work and we can only have sex when HE wants to, regardless of when I want to. If I'm not in the mood he guilt trips me into having sex because we only have sex once every couple of weeks, if that. I was hoping to go to college when we move in Feb because I had to turn down my college acceptance & scholarships because of the family issues with my mom and stepdad before they kicked me out years before, but he wants to start trying for a baby again and wants me to go to school after we have one or two kids. I know at this point being 21 years old if I have kids right now I probably wont go to school at all. I was ok with trying before after we lost our first because I want kids and I wasn't ready for school because I had changed my career path (I would have been going to be a journalist, now I'm in the photography/graphic design industry but would love a degree in this field).
I guess my complaint is he doesn't care about my needs, he ignores me, there is no romance and I'm not satisfied sexually anymore... I want to stick through tech school because I know he's under a lot of stress and we hardly see each other right now... But I'm worried that his behavior won't change when we move. Sometimes I feel like he only wants to be with me because we both want kids, even though I would like to wait a few more years to give myself time to heal emotionally and to better myself....
My question would be that those here who have divorced, do you regret it? What pushed you to the point where it wasn't just thinking about it anymore, you actually wanted to do it? I'm so lost and I love him, I don't want to lose him, but I can't be miserable for the rest of my life. He's refused marriage counseling, so that's out. I really don't know how to fix things on my own, and I'm the only one trying....
Not that am a huge god fan, but 5 miscarriages?
Someone/something is trying to tell you something...
I think he's made his position fairly clear. He doesn't want counseling, he wants to sit on his ass all day play video games, and have sex when he wants to have sex. He is aware slavery no longer exists yes?
Oh, and you can't fix things on your own in a partnership. You can stop trying. ;)
And do you honestly think he will take care of a child/children for you to go to college? I don't think so and I get a gut feeling, he does not want you to go to college because it gives you better opportunities to survive without him.
It would be better to work on the marriage with just you in counseling and see if you want to stay in this marriage.
Personally, I wish you would get your college. Because if this relationship fails, you could fall back on a college education in getting a job. But having kids can make it harder to get a job AND gives no college diploma to earn more money. So please take it seriously that if the relationship fails, you need that college education to earn as much as you can to support yourself.
Please think about you because you are important and what happens to you is important.
You're how young?
and you've miscarried how many times?
He wants to bring children into a relationship where you are treated as his maid, his sex toy and his unequal . . . that's just selfish and wrong.
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He's military?
Please get out now. If it's this way now, It's not going to get better.
Be good to you.
Welcome to the group
I am a military wife we werent married a year before I left. However my marriage was much more hostile than yours sounds.