A few weeks ago the kids had a sleepover so the guest bedroom where my wife now sleeps was not available. That night she slept in our room next to me. In a moment of weakness, I reached over to hug her like I used to. Huge mistake. She got up and said I was being very disrespectful of her request for space and saw me as an opportunistic, typical man that would use any opening as a possibility for some kind of intimacy. When all I just really wanted was to hold the woman of my life in my arms again. Needless to say, she never got too close to me again ever since.

I know it sucks, but you are human and these things just happen. Hang in there.

I'm sorry your wife is being so heartless and cruel. Thank you for the encouragement.

I was such a mess right after my breakup. I kept texting my ex, then beating myself up when he gave me a cold response and then apologizing over and over again for bothering him and for having emotional breakdowns when texting him. Like you, I wanted him to see me as a confident woman so that he'd realize what he lost. Yet I kept digging a deeper hole. I thought he didn't care for my pathetic attitude and was totally fine without me. Turns out he was just numbing himself from the pain because he knew he made the wrong choice by breaking up with me. Eventually when we finally saw each other in person, HE was the "pathetic" one, bawling on my lap, begging me "please, please just give me a hug" because he missed my warmth. Meanwhile I stared coldly in front of me not knowing if he even deserved to be touched by me. I NEVER saw that turn of events. We're working it out now but looking back I don't even know who I was. He doesn't hold it against me which was my biggest fear. I wasted so much time worrying about that.

Anyway, take it from me..you need to be compassionate with yourself. Nobody...not even your ex...will hold it against you once you're back to your normal self.

Reading this thread helped me a lot when I felt like I was crazy:
http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=458817

I know this is so hard. I do the same things as you do. I just want that kind word or touch and then I fall apart in front of him. Don't beat yourself up. Just keep trying. Every day. Keep trying and eventually it should get easier right. At least that is what I am telling myself. I also check here several times a day. I want words of encouragement. Don't worry if she sees the comments you have made. This isn't for her. This is for you. It's what you need to feel better. Don't hold back in fear that she will search for this site. I sometimes wish my husband would research what it is he is doing to me. Maybe then he wouldn't be so callous at times.

Thanks everyone. I'm sucking it up and soldiering on. It's a marathon not a sprint, right. Or maybe a better analogy is a war and I'm going to lose some battles along the way. She's texted me some details of her day at her new job and even called on her way in. She sounded like last night didn't even happen. I know I'm sharing meaningless details but for some reason I need to share what I'm going through with someone. You guys just drew the short straw I guess.

I messed up this week by sending my ex a nasty text at 4am. I sent a one sentence email later that morning apologizing. I haven't heard from him. I don't expect to ever again.

But no one is perfect and I messed up. I have to pick up and move on and try not to exhibit bad behavior again. It only puts me back in the role I had in our relationship. And it was horrible.

I am in a similar situation,, # 1 when you are still living in the same house it is very difficult to keep your emotions in check and focus on moving forward......I am separating after 26 years of marriage and have been living this way for the past 5 weeks however we are about to move out of our rental home next week and go our separate ways. In order to move forward it requires focus. We are human beings that have been hurt and our emotions are raw and real .. I hope one of you can make the commitment to move out so that the long road to healing and regaining yourself again can begin.. You are not a weak man you are a man who is capable of great love and I hope someday whenever it could or may be you find someone who will waiting and worthy.

@Tailspin - Having gone through another really rough night sleeping in the same bed as my wife and craving her comfort, your post above flashed into my mind this morning. That response your wife gave you was pure performance. How long has she known you? She KNOWS you would NEVER take advantage of her. You are allowed to desire intimacy and a tender touch of love is not disrespectful. I may be wrong but I believe the energy in her rejection was for her own benefit. I believe that touch made her feel something. She may have felt guilty, have doubts, etc. but I believe her reaction may have been because she actually felt something for you at the time of the touch and she had to convince herself otherwise with that performance.

Sorry if this stirs up any hurt in you but I know I would want someone to tell me this.

@IDontMakeHerHappy, I believe her reaction was genuine. The next morning she told me what I tried to do was very inappropriate as she made it clear to me that we are no longer in the same relationship as before. She said she told me what the boundaries are and I decided to ignore those boundaries. Needless to say, she never got that close to me ever since. She spent that whole day looking at apartments.

I appreciate very much in what you are saying, but being in the same house with her, you can definitely tell there is a feeling of uneasiness and tension. Until she decides to work on this relationship or move out, I know the feeling of family will be nonexistent.

I am sorry for my post, then.

IDontMake, you are by no means a wuss for caring and loving the way you do. I'd give anything for my husband to be 1/2 the 'wuss' you think you are. Maybe then we would not be in this position.
I, too had a very weak moment last night. Went to see him at his parents house, hoping - for what? And I, too ended up feeling worse than I did before I went there.
Why do we put ourselves through that? I am finding out the answers through counseling, it is just difficult to make the changes. The changes are slow, but every little change I see is a victory for me.
His OW sent a text message to him last night, but (either accidentally or on purpose) sent it to me as well. I am inclined to think she did it on purpose. Anyway, she claimed that I had texted her again (which I did about 2 weeks ago). She told him that I was sending her the same text again and 'it's just weird'.
I was devastated! I had NOT send anything to her and I told my husband that. I doubt that he believed me and it hurt like hell to know that he would believe the OW over me.
But: out of all of that came yet another little victory for me: I did NOT text her back! That is big for me. I wanted to so bad, in the worst way, call her names - well, you can imagine.....
I didn't though and I am very proud of that and glad. It just proves that every day I take a baby step forward without taking any step back. It feels good and I am in a much better state of mind today.
I have also taken to leaving my phone at home when I go and handle things that need to be done, as well as when I work. It is drastic, but for me it works in that it gives me peace of mind. I don't sit at work all night, looking at a phone for texts or calls that never come. It works for me and I am certain that in time it will not even matter whether I have my phone with me or not.
Baby steps - just learning how to crawl. I am not even walking yet and still, it feels good.

@TM1070....Way to go for not texting back!! She tried to goat you into a fight and you came out on top!! Way to go. You should be proud.

@IDontMake....I agree with TM1070. You are not a wuss. You may need to protect your heart from the woman you married right now, but use that abundance of love on yourself. Don't waste it on her. I guarantee loving yourself and making improvements on yourself will intrigue her more than trying to shower her with affection. I think that will just push her away further.

OK.. everyone
Nobody is a wus because we still love and care
It is torture to still live and sleep next to our spouse who has already left the marriage.

One they are done, it is done

Do not worry so much about making them not change their mind and come back to you.

If the commitment and love is not there...they choose to not love.

They are done regardless

So Please...Love yourself...protect yourself...get outside support and let go of THAT person that no longer wants you

YOU deserve so much better