I don't really know the right thing to say, other than to be strong and that you can get through this! I would not go in with any expectations. It's such a hard situation to be in, and this is just me looking out for you and no one else. Get a game plan together, don't let him take advantage of your vulnerability. Maybe go in expecting the worst, hoping for the best? If the outcome is not what you were expecting it's certainly okay to let him know that, but give yourself time to digest what he tells you before you act on it and try not to immediately act on it.

Like me - I freaked the hell out and said lots of things I probably shouldn't have.

My son gave me some of the best advice. Always hope but never expect. So I think you have it right there. Don't go into the conversation with any expectations. Have a plan of what you want to say and how you want it said. This is the part I always forget and I end up forgetting what I wanted to say and remembering once it is too late. Tell him what you need to but make sure that you are really listening to what he has to say too. I made my biggest mistake when my husband first left by having the big talk with him and then the next time I spoke to him all I did was railroad him with what I wanted and refused to listen to what he was saying.

How long have you been separated? Is there a rush on filing for divorce?

Thank you both for your input! I think being able to really listen to him tonight with trying to fix or direct the conversation will be important. It's a big deal that he's even agreed to meet. :(
We have been separated since December 12th. He filed for divorce January 12th. :(

We have had some big ups and downs in our marriage with him leaving me many, many times. He doesn't handle stress well at all and it's easier for him to just run when things get hard. We've both been through a lot...he's a burn survivor and has dealt with people staring his entire life, and I was severely physically abused in my first marriage, then lost the love of my life who passed away at just 46 when we planned on marrying. I think past hurts and stress can ALL be worked through, but he has to be willing to. :( I think underneath his anger is a feeling of not knowing how to get through this.

I don't know if you mentioned this in any of your previous posts, but is marital counseling out of the question?

You as well, don't need a husband who is leaving when he feels like it at the drop of the hat, and then coming back. Makes you wonder if he takes it seriously?

We have attempted counseling a few times, but he won't go with me...he has gone once or twice and then won't go back. As soon as we start actively talking about the deep-rooted issues he bails. I've been in counseling on my own once (sometimes twice) a week since he's been gone. It's really hard because when he's here, it seems like he's invested. But I don't understand being ok with throwing your family away.

Well good for you going to counseling on your own. Sounds like he should go for a few reasons.

How have you been reacting to him lately? Meaning are you crying to him and making all the effort right now? He did after all file for divorce, and that is not something to mess with. If you feel like you are the only one trying, maybe back off a bit, especially at your meeting tonight. Give him something to really think about. I made the mistake of giving my ex husband all the power (emotionally) when we split and if I had a second chance, I would have done things differently.

I've always been the one to make the effort to fix things when we've been in a separation. This time, yes, I've done a lot of crying but none in front of him...this will be the first time we've talked face to face other than him handing our son to me and exchanging a few words about our son. I have let him know that I love him, want us to work through this, and think our marriage is worth fighting for. Friday I asked him to meet with me to talk before I have to respond to the divorce petition, and I did say "please don't do this to us". :( That's when he said we may be able to meet today. So I'm not sure if there is any hope in him and he only filed out of desperation...I guess I'm wondering why he's agreed to talk if there isn't some piece of him who may want to work it out. Thank you for writing me back! It helps to talk about it.

Of course, that's what I am here for, and the rest of us on here as well. I have needed the advice many a times and this has definitely been a HUGE help for me.

Okay, well based on your response, it's time to put your big girl panties on and go to this meeting with your head held high. You can do it! Don't settle and maybe he needs to know that while you do love him and are willing to do whatever to save your marriage, that at the same time he cannot string you along. You want answers and "I don't know what I want" is not acceptable. Don't be defensive, listen like you said and soak it all in.

Let me know how it goes later! Good luck XOXO

I can't suggest what you should say as what ever you would say is going to be hard for you and to hear his response may be harder. It is just a matter of staying strong and keeping yourself together. Those such as your spouse do not think about what they are doing to their family and some do think about and say that is why the divorce needs to happen for everyone to be happy. You can't control him to fall back in love with you and you can't control him to return and try but you can control the path that you put yourself on no matter what the outcome is. Even if he gave you an answer of why that answer will not be good enough or make sense to you because your the spouse that wants to work it out. Staying in therapy is a plus and finding things you like to do . Hugs sent to you and good luck.