I had talked about using mediation with my attorney, but she thought it would not be a good idea in my situation. She said mediation is not binding (at least it's not in Ohio); therefore, we could go through all of that and in the end, not have an agreement.

It has worked for some so I don't want to give you a totally negative picture. Also, laws vary state to state.

Good luck.

We tried Mediation.

Lets just say, it would only work if it is an uncontested divorce, and you have more or less 'agreed' between yourself whats to be split, child support, monies etc.... mediation is supposed to be a much 'cheaper' option, and they will help iron out any small problems, but if it is messy (as mine turned out),Mediation won't work.

If you are both adult and mature about it all.. it could save you alot in the long run, as straight from mediation it goes to court..

Mediation didn't work for us- but thats because we were too busy arguing, and I felt mediation was very biased towards him coz he was paying their bill!

Your initial meeting you just give a broad overview and won't need documents, and the focus will be on the mediator making sure you understand the process. In California, at least, the mediator facilitates the legal process so that the final divorce terms are binding. Her biggest concern with us at our first meeting was that we understand she is neutral, so we have to be comfortable that we each are waiving individual representation. She was testing the waters of our attitude toward each other and how cooperative we could be. As SAbrokenheart said, it won't work if you're arguing about everything. Ours told us if at any point she detects one person asserting too much power and making unreasonable demands, she will suggest we stop mediation and hire individual attorneys.

I think it will work for us, but we're going to mull it over during the next couple of weeks. I do like the idea of avoiding litigation and saving money, and I think my stbx has enough guilt that he will be cooperative. I also don't want anything more than is fair. I'm not out to destroy him or be vindictive.

Regarding fees, our mediator still requests a $5000 retainer and charges $300 an hour, but that's pretty standard from what I've researched. The reason it's cheaper than traditional litigation divorce is because you avoid court costs and the time you are billed for is much less and more productive. She estimated that the total cost when things go smoothly with her will be around $10K but it's highly variable depending on how long it takes to agree on things. Consumer Reports recently had an article on divorce that said the average cost of a litiginous divorce was $39K, so it's still a better way to go financially.

I've seen those ads for "online divorce" here and elsewhere, but that really is only an option when there are minimal assets and no children.

Bottom line, Chrissy, make sure you are comfortable with the person. You have to trust them and feel they will be fair. Your initial meeting should be free, like an interview.

When I went I had my lawyer with me; even though I could have done without him! But anyway; The mediator would document all that we stated; he tape recorded us (per my request); and he was neutral....and he did some math for us as to what the property was worth verses what we had to pay (based on our appriasals); and then he formulated an excel version as to who gets what.......and my stbx and myself would "fight" over who got what with furniture; etc...
Oh don't forget that some states have one or the other getting retirement plan interest. I am getting half of the interest incurred during my marriage; and now the stbx is throwing a fit; and HE DID DURING MEDIATION; so I stopped it.
If you guys don't agree to anything or battle over something; or you feel threatened in any way then STOP the mediation. It's ok to do that and maybe restart up again;
I tried that but in restarting the mediation my stbx decided that he wanted to start from scratch again; he sandbagged me. So instead of spending more money again..... I stopped and now we go to a 4 way meeting with all the lawyers! AND NOW maybe court!

So it is cheaper and better; only if you guys can agree........be careful though. Don't give up too much....to take too much...it's all compromise. This may show you each other's colors.
I know for me that my stbx showed his colors all right!!!!
GOOD LUCK! I hope it works for you!

One more thing. Regarding documents, make your own copies of everything before this process starts. Credit card debt, tax records, bank statements, etc. It will all come forth through the process eventually, but you don't want any surprises.

Eduate yourself about your rights before going in htere. That is all you need. I would not make any decision before consulting a lawyer after mediation too. My 2 cents.

Mediation depends on your state and the mediator. In CA the mediation laws are set up real nice. And, you can save a fortune.

I have had several friends go through mediation in CA, and all felt they got a fair shake. In CA the mediator gets final say when there is a dispute, it goes quickly, and usually can be done in a couple of days if you get a good mediator and financial clerk.

That said... my stbx filed in WA because the wait time is shorter. But the legal bs is higher...

I took a lawyer to represent me in mediation. Good thing I did because he was going to try to screw me out of as sizable chunk of retirement. The first mediation will just set who is going to pay the bills and who is going to live where and who will do what and when with the kids while you settle your divorce. After that the subsequent mediation appointments will be settling custody, property, and finances. You will need to draw up a budget of all your operating costs and know what you can and cannot live on for those mediations. Also draw up a list of who gets what in the house.

Good luck ....oh and if you are hightly upset a half of ativan or xanax works wonders.

Ours was worth the free parking spot. No agreement. Lawyers did well though. If you can go that route, awesome. Unfortunately, you often don't know until you get in the room.

But if you guy can kinda iron out the big stuff before you get there, you're in great shape.

It's negotiations, that's all.

Good luck