Today I broke down during a women's group session. It was so unexpected. Today's topic was how to deal with anger, (the group is for DD, sexual and all forms of abuse) with how to skills. Part of coping skills was a section on taking care of yourself. Have a good environment like declutter to ease your mind and add new textures or colors to brighten your mood. I thought cool I did this already this week, I'm on my way. I cleared my bedroom got new sheets with flowers. Then it dawned on me that I was never able to buy sheets with patterns or flowers with my STBX. He controlled most things in our household. A flood of emotions took over, sadness for living that way for so long and elation for being free. 

Therapy has showed my all the different types of abuse people endure. I hadn't realized how bad it was for me. My therapist was there tonight and said to me after the group that she didn't realize that I was crying. She said your such a quiet crier, to which I replied I got good at it because I couldn't let my children hear me. I told her when I do cry I sob, when we were in the same house with my STBX I would sob in the shower. If my kids noticed my red eyes I would tell them it was the soap. Now I sob when their at school.It's getting better I just didn't see this coming.

One last thing. Today I go to court for my settlement hearing. I don't know what else is left to say, he doesn't see or talk to the kids and he doesn't pay child support. I feel as if he is going to be arrested after the hearing, for not comply with the court orders. I'll update tomorrow.

Keep your head up folks, it will end. Hope everyone has a great day today. Make yourself happy.