You are truly right ! It dose take a lot of hard work to make a relationship grow and to keep it together. It also takes two people to make it work. Love comes easy at first , but also takes hard work to sustain it.

I was in a situation where It seemed like I was the one wanting it to work and she did everything to make it not work. Its just life and until you find the right person that loves you and accepts you for your faults (I say faults , because its easy to love someone for there good qualitys).

Yes and the ex kept looking for that younger me in each new woman he met. Finally me met one and married her.

Perhaps Lost you should take a look at yourself to see why it didn't work out instead of blaming the gf. Maybe it wasn't all her fault and couldn't handle some things about you.

OH I have done that there Pieper . I know what she didnt like , but finding out after the fact dose no good.

When someone dosnt talk to you about things its impossible to make it work. Not to mention that some of the things I was accused of are not true to begin with and its all a perception miss-understanding!

Maybe Lost. But it was not to be, there were two sides to this relationship. Maybe she getting tired of being blamed.

peiper.. sounds like some daggers thrown at lost and not sure why, but when commenting, we all promise to be nice. Just keep that in mind when responding.

sorry that was pieper... typo, my bad

As for the OP... I guess there may be men and women who look for or to that "younger love" they once had in someone they want to date. They look for the honeymoon or fairy tale they want or think they can have and expect it to continue on for as long as the relationship is continuing. its unrealistic and truthfully, for me, the honeymoon, romantic and fairy tale comes from the realistic view that two people can put on the relationship. That they can weather a storm and still come out together thus creating a bond that can only be created by going thru the storm together. Those that think a relationship should be easy, or that two people shouldn't have issue whether in the beginning, during or after being together for years isn't really being realistic nor are they creating a bond that will keep the two of them together. A relationship of any kind, including just friendship takes work on both parts and it will never be all roses, sunshine and rainbows. To go through life with those thoughts in mind, to me is immature thinking and wanting for something that you will never find or have. If we all look at things realistically, the rainbow only comes after the rain, not before, during or forever. Those that put in the hard work will reap the rewards, will find that pot of gold when all is said and done and they will both be able to have that bond that keeps two people together so to never be apart.

just my opinion

Exactly my point chi. I've said all along that #4 is me..25 years ago. He wants to stay n the honeymoon period where the woman believes every word he says and looks at him with stars in her eyes after 25 years of one crisis after another. They may make it. I think he is past moving every six months, changing jobs every 3 months, changing hobbies every 2 months, messing up things with the income tax. This last bankruptcy (his 3rd) is probably the last. He hasn't had a car repo'd in over a decade. He's outgrown some of those things that erode a relationship. If she's a little bit of a stepford wife...they may be fine.

Pieper, we all know it takes 2 to make it work and at least 2, sometimes 3 to destroy it. Mine never did talk to me about being unhappy. He went looking. When I asked him why he didnt talk to me? "You might have rolled your eyes" So, we got divorced because he didnt want me to maybe roll my eyes. Hmm. And according to him...verbatim...it was mostly my fault. One teeny thing his fault and the rest was the devil's fault.
Let's not assume what went on in a stranger's relationship. We all know we dont know the whole story, but we are here to try and help each other. No matter who is to blame for what, the person here is hurting.

Chi, I felt like I was eavesdropping when Pieper and Lost were talking. And thank you Chi for the reminder. This is not the place for attacks.

jaclyn-

The movie you quoted does not accurately portray relationship dynamics. When men and woman are in the courting phase, BOTH parties behave differently than they do in the long term.

Likewise, both parties may later romanticize the courting phase. Woman may long for the lost romance and attention, and men may long for the admiration, respect, and sex.

From you brief post, a GLARING observation is....."I think he is past moving every six months, changing jobs every 3 months, changing hobbies every 2 months, messing up things with the income tax. This last bankruptcy (his 3rd) is probably the last. He hasn't had a car repo'd in over a decade"

This level of dysfunction is far from typical. His lack of stability and responsibility are rooted in some type of deeper issue.

IMO- These things (among others) are much greater contributors to the demise of your relationship than fanciful notions about romance and courtship.

Blindside: You assume way too much from a simple post. I never implied all men did this. In fact, I specifically said I did NOT think that. The post was related solely to the way MY ex seems to think. If I was not clear about that, I apologize.
I am of course aware that all people act differently at the start of a relationship. But again, I thought I was clear that I was merely talking about MY ex and nobody else.
As for the demise of my relationship: you can of course have your own opinion, but since you do not know me or my ex...you have no clue. I never implied that fanciful notions about romance and courtship were the greater contributors. Like the demise of most relationships, mine was complicated with wrong on both sides. I have always been open about that.
As for the post of the quote from the movie, yes I know the movie does not portray relationships accurately. I don't and never have believed in such nonsense. It was meant to be a somewhat lighthearted post in regards to how I believe MY ex thinks. Because #4 reminds me quite a bit of myself...before knowing him for 25 years.. Nothing more. Sheesh...

I think relationships take a lot of hard work, communication, etc. I do. I think that people try to change each other too much, or they are quick to say "It's all you...it's all you..." instead of owning their attitude, actions, etc in a relationship.

Kind of reminds me of the people so excited about the wedding...and not giving a thought to the actual LIFE after the wedding.

Dating is different from living together, obviously. Sure, life is a bed of roses when you're going out, having fun, going on dates. But, real life happens...work, kids, bills, all that stuff that can't be ignored, must be addressed. My favorite is when you show you are something besides "skipping around super happy"...wow, the reaction is ridiculous...it's amazing how many times normal, human, emotions needs to be explained instead of them being understood as...hey, she's not perfect all the time...oh, and, (ownership here) I'm not perfect, either.