Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Purpleflower 09/23/2018

Hello,

My husband is an alcoholic. He has stopped and started again so many times I've lost count. A few months ago, I went on a website and started chatting to a man. He made me feel special and I connected with him. He too, or so I was told, is in an unhappy marriage. Our situations seemed similar. We even had video calls to each other. Although we live in the same country, we are thousands of miles away and the relationship seemed safe because the we would probably never meet in person.

I started chatting with another man, who lived closer. We decided to meet and became FWB. Only we are not friends. I don't really like the man, but the benefits were nice.

Then my husband found out about both men because I was foolish enough to journal about them. And he found the journal. Seems things were not adding up in my stories when I met up with the fwb. I was on my phone too much. Now, it's been a week since he's found out and life has not been easy. I never knew before what I was coming home to, and now it seems even worse. He asked me to leave for a few nights, then asked me to come home. He asks all kinds of questions that I know the answers will hurt him. We've decided to go to a marriage counselor, but that won't start for another week. Life has been hell.

All contact with other men have stopped, or at least should have. I slipped and saw the fwb. He asked, briefly, about life at home and sounded like he sympathized with husband. Although he is cheating on his wife by being with me. Asshole. I know I don't want to see him again, but am waiting to see if he will contact me. Stupid, I know. I am a fool.

I've read similar stories on here and needed to get my own out. Someone mentioned a sponsor idea and I like it. I feel scared and alone. I don't love my husband anymore. I've been hurt by him so many times ... but that is no excuse for cheating on him. I know. I've tried other things over the years to separate my own mental health so that he can't hurt me anymore, but nothing has worked. I read about detachment, and may give that a better try than I have.

Thanks for reading.

Karmensiamami2323 09/23/2018

Did you try to take your husband to counseling one of those times he quit drinking? Did you communicate that you were unhappy with your husband before you cheated on him?

Yard_Eggs 09/23/2018

You don't love your husband; why not divorce him?

Then you won't have to deal with a chronic alcoholic and you are free to pursue relationships as you like.

Purpleflower 09/23/2018

My husband tried counseling for his alcoholism. He also tried AA. He knows I am unhappy.

I have asked for a divorce before. But not gone so far as contacting a lawyer. Money is a factor. Divorce is not something to be taken lightly.

Osheana 09/23/2018

Hoping the tide should turn for you in this matter. Firstly, you are
a married woman. Sometimes when we are unhappy in a marriage
it is not the spouse that we want to change but their actions,
Unfortunately vows way heavy and sometimes not in different
households.
For sure the chatting with males will not solve your issue it is
a temporary fix.
Sometimes different counselors changing AA counselors and
embarking on a serious marriage intervention therapy plan helps-
sometimes it is too far gone.
No one here can answer the tough questions for you,Only you can
Good luck and may the Universe shower you with loving calming
thoughts of serenity and peace,Always here with a compassionate
listening ear.
SHARING HEALS<3

KeithC 09/23/2018

This all sounds extremely destructive to all involved. Alcoholism, cheating, lies, deceit, possible STD's and betrayal. What a mess. Divorce your husband or help him get treatment. Stop cheating outside your marriage or move on. Find someone that actually cares for you instead of someone who is using you while married to someone else he is going to destroy in the process. None of this will turn out good.

OIP78 09/23/2018

You don’t love him. Why you’re still with him? Divorce him and enjoy your life as you want. Is no logic in all this.

SG707 09/24/2018

Purpleflower. The worst thing that you could have done is to see other men. I was in a relationship for 3 years and things were not good. She confessed that she was talking to other men online as well. And the she had lost interest on me as the result of it. As a man, you have no idea how painful that is. I took her for granted. She stopped talking to me. I am heart broken. What you would have done was to walk away from your husband and not come back when he asked you to because knowing that you would be back every time he asked reinforced the idea of him not changing. After losing someone we start to see what we really had. Unfortunately, for me my soul mate isn't coming back.

Karmensiamami2323 09/24/2018

Love, everything you're doing is temporary fix and might make you fall deeper into depression when you realize that every man you mess with during your situation (if they know) is just in for free cookies and no more than that. I have been in a very lonely marriage myself but, messing around with other men should never be an option when your trying to figure your marriage out. It'll just make things and you feel worse. Get a divorce if it's that bad, If you think there's still potential in making it work then help your husband get better. I wish you the best.

Purpleflower 09/25/2018

Thank you for what you said. It is all a temporary fix. And it won't help me in the long run, I know that. My marriage is over. We just have to figure out the finances. It seems there is not any potential in making it work. He now wants out. I don't blame him.

altasnowman 09/25/2018

I know it is hard for you as I have been there, done that except I am a man. I can tell you this it is not easy but you have to focus on the here and now, as if you stray, you give him more ammo to use against you. I wish it were simple but its not and in the end the only winner is the lawyers. If you can keep things calm it will make life a little easier. But remember that 2 wrongs do not make it right and you need to deal with the breakup/divorce and not give him any thing/reason to use what has happened against you. You have to be strong and move forward. Your happiness depends on your own well being. Keep smiling as there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

cbgrace1980 09/25/2018

I'm sorry you are dealing with the pain of a broken marriage. That is extremely sad and I have been in your shoes. Try to take your days one at a time and keep one foot in front of the other. I hope that seeing a counselor will help both of you tremendously. Things CAN improve!!!!!!

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