Well we "lived together" for 11 years, but only managed to stay together 9 married......

Personally though, I'd have to say that the only thing that changed in our marriage,was my name. Other than that....it was what it was.

I noticed you in your profile that you're married. May I ask what brings you to the BU and D board?

This is a matter of individual and his/her value system. Also, one should respect their partner's needs. If he/she strongly believes in marriage as a prerequisite for a life together, wants to be married, you will have to decide if it suits you. If you are totally anti- marriage it's your responsibility to communicate it (and rather sooner than later- not fair to keep your partner waiting).
If it's your partner who wants to live together without marriage and you are not sure how you feel about it, ask yourself:
will it make me feel guilty?
will it make me less committed to the relationship?
will I feel like having to explain myself to people in my life? (be embarassed about it)
will it change how you feel about yourself?
You have a right to live according to what you believe in, no matter what the trend is.
If you deep down feel that the belief system you espoused does not fit you- it's up to you to question it and find out what you really believe.

I noticed you in your profile that you're married. May I ask what brings you to the BU and D board?

notup2it: I was just thinking, since one has to be married first before they divorce, why not?? Why just think in a single minded direction?

Since I was married twice I dont think I am doing it again. Because of the way the laes are I am in no rush to live with someone. As for god I don't believe so that won't be a factor.

Look at Tim Robins and Susan Seranden. They "lived" together for 23 years thinking that by not marrying that they could avoid the pitfalls of marriage. And, now they are still moving through a bitter breakup process.

These days marriage is nothing more than a "legal" "living together" arrangement for most people. The moment anything went the wrong in my EXs eye, or she was unhappy the D word came up...

To the people who think that marriage isn't worth it... and the "D" is always an option... You cannot truly love, unless you learn to freely give. All else is worthless and selfishness...

of course you still have the promise of Heaven. God is not shallow.

do you have the depth of relationship if you are not legally married? nope. nada. nothing even close in my experience.

well to answer your question about living together vs marriage and not bringing God or Religion into it, I would opt for living together, having separate bank accounts, separate insurance policies, separate - well almost everything.
I would share my daily life with a partner, but never again material things.
And to get religion into that, I don't think God - or any higher being that may exist, cares about material things.

Oh and once I die, I'll know if there is a heaven, hell or nothing.

MsViv ~ I hear you on not sharing material things. I just couldn't do it, again!

Viv...

As to material things... I'm gunna swing the other way. During my divorce, I was also living overseas... I've kind of gained an insight on the stupidity of valuing anything material. But, at the same time have realized that you can not share yourself without sharing the material things of the moment. Money comes and goes. Possessions are just things that tie you down. Let go. You cannot really share yourself, unless you share. As some stupid bear once said... "Sharing is caring".

If I marry again, I will share everything... because... why not... Life is only lived when lived with and for others.

I agree with you Brokenchild. I think it's more about tangling assetts than sharing them. At least it's that way for me. It's just so hard to untangle...

I don't plan on ever marrying again. As far as tangling assets, can always get a pre-nup. But way I see it, I didn't believe in divorce at all. Took my vows very serious. And still marriage has failed. Nope, not marrying again. But do want a significant other in the future and if it feels right, will live together.

Lived with my stbx for 2 yrs prior to marriage and married 24 yrs. Thought my marriage would survive anything and I was wrong.

Won't be having any more kids, so why do I need a piece of paper?

I live with my boyfriend. My family has a hard time coping with my decision. My family is very very religious (church of God). It was a hard decision for me as well, but i am glad I decided to live with him before marriage. I've learned so much about his quirks and the way he thinks. We've had some downs and we are still learning how to live with one another and still learning how to get over the little quirks that irritate us about one another. Next time I get married it better last forever because if it doesn't, I won't ever marry again. So, I want to make sure this is it!

I HAVE to get married sooner or later. I will not just live with someone "forever". There has to be some kind of commitment to one another besides boyfriend/girlfriend. To me, it seals the deal and it's not an easy way out. Religion wise...it's a MUST!

Broken chi I agree with you. Sharing is caring. It is a tangible way to show you love and you care. My stbx said lets get divorced , so I don't owe you anything, we live separately, you take care of yourself. I asked what if I get sick, I live 50 miles awya from him. I asked all the logical questions just to see how far is he going to go in this new way living he is suggesting. His thing was that his verbally said word " I love you " should be sufficient for me to be in relationship.

Love is about giving, every which way, one needs to provide an unconditional support to whom you love, since other is doing same. When there is a claim of love.

I have seem couples live together for years, and manage their life pretty nicely even without marriage, it was about giving and taking fairly.

Relationship requires fairness.... If you are fair nothing is wrong.

Like I said, we lived together 11 years. In that time we shared everything....checking accounts, money, dog.

We got married because we decided to have children.

But the relationship didn't Change one bit.

Would I get married again? Yes. If I met the right person. Would I live with someone again? Yes. If I met the right person. Vows and promises are only as strong as the people making them. There has never in the history of man, been vows that could keep a couple together if one decides to LEAVE.

A hundred years ago (well almost....it was around 1925), my grandfather left my grandmother. There was no divorce, no alimony, no child support. My mother was 3 and had to go to her aunt's to be raised.

The system now is better. Intact families are the ideal, but none of this was my wish.....