Hello Yall,

Never did I think I would be in a divorce support group but here I am.  After 23 years, and they have not been easy, 1.5 years ago, my husband said, .... "I don't love you, I am not in love with you, and I want a divorce".  This is a man who is not touchy feely and struggles to find words and so forth.  Well, it hurt me deeply.

I spoke to my preacher and in spite of all my wrongs,.... and there were many.... I said, then you will have to file.  I cried a river, and begged more.  Nothing worked, but what did happen is I worked on me.  I gave love to my husband from deep inside, I was kind in spite of nothing in return, I was a Godly wife,.... and my relationship with God changed.  I apologized deeply to my husband in writing and in person with specific events and things I had did wrong.  I did the same for others I had hurt over the years, including my children...see I took up drinking a few years back, huge mistake.  That was his reasoning for being fed up..... well..... I really found a good place, love and happiness with myself and it had been so long.  He finally put his ring back on and so forth.  I gave and gave, paying for trips etc.,

Speed to September of this year, as the first I don't love you event was July 2015.  He said it several times and often would not even hug me back.  After that day, in July 2015 he went away camping for the weekend alone.... alot of things, alone...... which is not like him.  To make a long story short, I was home when I drank and I kept the house going and kids cared for,. ... well in his lonliness ... a brazen female co-workers husband left her... and when I say brazen, the woman can't have a full sentence without F this and that, had my husband out "working" on Friday nights...etc.,

It took an attorney to tell me he was having an affair, of course he says I am making it more than it is...they work together etc., good friends, a confidant.  I won't bore you, but I don't have sex with my co-workers.  She is younger and hates it here so he tells me over and over "we are not going to be there for each other, we have discussed it" I guess thats what friends do. 

Well up until this Sept, I thought there was hope, we seemed ok.  He has stayed in my bed, noteworthy.  Well, a feeling came over me...I made some calls and he had continued to lie all year long.  More research and more lies.  His honesty and integrity is WHY I married him.  I never dreamed of him cheating. 

I was more hurt than ever as I had genuinely poured my heart and soul into our marriage for over a year.  I get you can't change people but he was buying her stuff, taking her to the family cabin.... just no respect.  Of course, he says, ...just friends.  She is not even divorced yet.  Well, one day, he says... when I am doing my best to be kind on the phone...he gets all sarcastic and says... "I hate the sound of your voice".  Crushing.  I have been called a F....B for years and cursed until I am a shell of a woman.  Yes, I said many mean things to him....but eventually I retreated but he never stopped.

His mother, is why I asked him to move out...as she told me to over and over.  I love his family so much.  So not he is out.  He stayed in teh sunroom one time after he moved out, but I told him it was confusing to the kids (I talked to them as she cannot say anything past, your mom and I need time apart), they are 14 and 18....really? They did not want him staying here..... anyways, I thought,  Thats all you can say?  He would not even talk to them with me or a counselor.  Well, he asked to go with us to eat last night, sons birthday....he is a good dad.... I said of course.  I never, ever want to hurt that relationship. I mean it. 

Last night, I get home ask when he is returning today to get our daughter and he says, "I thought I would just stay here ok?"...his stuff was here etc., already.  He had every day and all day to talk to me, mention it and never did.  He could have texted me....but did not, and this is usually what happens when he is with her.  I was taken aback, it seemed rude.  I asked, why did you not at least ask ahead of time?  Then he blows up and leaves.  Lately he is hanging around the kids more, like trying to be involved again.... has he had enough of nasty woman or what gives?  Did I do the right thing last night?

I really need guidance on how to handle him.

Many thanks.