Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Does anyone else find themselves doing this? Trying to make other people feel happy or good or proud of themselves? I don't know, like it's attempt to balance the imbalance in my life because I don't feel those things myself. Or maybe at attempt to make them feel that I"m okay, they don't have to worry about me, see, I can laugh and smile and make you laugh and smile so really, things are sooo much better.
Not that it's a bad thing to do these things, it's not at all. I guess I've just gotten into the habit of questioning and second guessing myself. Tasting and testing everything to see if it's positive, am I making progress. etc.
The concept of this has been idling at the back of my mind for a few days now but suddenly snapped to the forefront tonight because I found myself making a joke (not a good one mind you, but still) over messenger to the Other Woman. And that just...shocked me. I'm still not sure what to think of it. I mean, I don't want to make her feel things are okay, that I'm somehow 'over it' that she's with my husband. I work with both of them, so I see them every night and have to interact with them over messenger for business-related things. We've all been very polite and oh-so-adult so far. Before The Bomb I had considered her a friend and we chattered and joked a lot.
Sigh. I don't know. I just needed to let out whatever the heck this is. I"ll think about it more later when I have time. :/
Not that it's a bad thing to do these things, it's not at all. I guess I've just gotten into the habit of questioning and second guessing myself. Tasting and testing everything to see if it's positive, am I making progress. etc.
The concept of this has been idling at the back of my mind for a few days now but suddenly snapped to the forefront tonight because I found myself making a joke (not a good one mind you, but still) over messenger to the Other Woman. And that just...shocked me. I'm still not sure what to think of it. I mean, I don't want to make her feel things are okay, that I'm somehow 'over it' that she's with my husband. I work with both of them, so I see them every night and have to interact with them over messenger for business-related things. We've all been very polite and oh-so-adult so far. Before The Bomb I had considered her a friend and we chattered and joked a lot.
Sigh. I don't know. I just needed to let out whatever the heck this is. I"ll think about it more later when I have time. :/
Why would you be using the computer to send her a joke that wasn't even a good one when you feel "I don't want to make her feel things are okay, that I'm somehow 'over it' that she's with my husband."
You are walking a tightrope at work messing with this women on the computer and you want to be very careful. I wouldn't be sending jokes and keep the relationship at work strictly professional unless you want to lose your job.
This triangle at work is going to eventually explode and your husband and her should have gotten jobs elsewhere. I think at this point, they're hoping YOU will leave your job instead of them.
just doing that one thing will take a lot of pressure off of you.
for me, i did it because of low self esteem. i thought making others feel better would make me feel better. and it did, temporarily - until i had to start dealing with my feelings. but that is just me.
id be more concerned about why you are trying to make nice with the other woman - there really isn't any reason to joke with her or have any communication with her at all. if you do have to communicate regarding work related issues, keep it short and to the point - no joking needed. just leave it simple.
if you have the opportunitiy to, remove yourself from the equation entirely. work on your resume and get a job somewhere else. its not worth it. neither one of them care if you are keeping it together or breaking at the seams - if they did, this never would have happened. they are thinking of only themselves. you should do the same.
xoxo
ILR said exactly what I was thinking.
if it can't see the sun then maybe it ought not be done.
i am in the super nice phase, for me it seems to be that I doubt ,
focuson making reality/truth that doesn't need to be hidden people will either be drawn to it becuse good can flourish out in the open, or people will flee from it because they need a type a sellfish secret truth that can only live in the shadows
sorry all I got off track there