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Loving too much

Ivedoneitagain
Ivedoneitagain

Hi everybody..I want to know if anybody else is experiencing the same pattern of "loving too much", having this need to put a relashionship above all and smacks her/his face every time, as me. I am reading Robin Norwood's "Women who love too much"and I completely identify with this pattern; I am always choosing the man who isn't secure and available, so to receive a rejection. My last ex was my first serious boyfriend and I thought we had a really close bond, but then he left me, without being completely honest about the true reasons for that. I tried to ask him, but he kept avoiding a staight answer trying being polite, but I was feeling a hidden anger from his side and I was actually right about it. Then I have a guy who is on and off my life for the last 5 years for who I feel an intense love, but he is keeping me in an absurd distance most of the time. Being always there, but not really. It's really hard and painful to change my pattern having at the end really low self esteem. Let me know if somebody understands and wants to share. 

Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle
You might want to check out the Co-Dependent forum...
Ivedoneitagain
Ivedoneitagain
Cora_Belle thanks for the tip
inspiredaccountant
inspiredaccountant
I am sorry to read the circumstances of your post then sad because of the reasoning. First thing is the guy who left had no reasons so he could not readily give you any. That should boost your self esteem not harm it. Second thing stop being a mattress for the 5 year guy. You’ll never get that time back. Third stop lying to yourself. You can’t love anyone more than you love yourself. Love starts at the front door. So you have to admit what you are experiencing or creating is not love. It may be sincere but that does not make it love. You have to love yourself first. When you do that you will realize there is no reason for a low self esteem. Think about it.
Ivedoneitagain
Ivedoneitagain
I really appreciate your answer; those things go around my mind, but I keep pushing them away and it is helpful to see them written down on your message. I hope to learn how to love my self soon enough..
inspiredaccountant
inspiredaccountant
Just look in the mirror and smile. That’s always my first step.
Ivedoneitagain
Ivedoneitagain
Thank you for the beautiful tip :)
justbreathing
justbreathing
Sounds like to me you have some codependency issue. You feel you need someone to feel existence...but I maybe wrong. I have a girlfriend like that and now she is at a point where she is terrified of abandonment/rejection and she is afraid to approach anyone. But at the same time when anyone gives her even a hint of attention she completely is head over heels for him and is like a leech. I feel for her, but no one can help her unless she gets help herself through counseling of some sort. She was neglected and abandon by her mom as a child, and I feel this has a lot to do with her current situation. Anyway, good luck to you.
Ivedoneitagain
Ivedoneitagain
Hi! You're right, it's like that; you need someone else to feel existence, you haven't learned to do that on your own, so you're always searching it elsewhere..it's really frustrating. I feel for your friend and I hope she finds her own way to recovery..I am trying my best as well..Thank you! :)