I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through the same thing. It's our codependency. It's really hard. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I wish I can control, alt, delete and erase it all!!!!

Me too. I think it just takes time. Distract yourself. Keep yourself busy with other things so you're not left to just think and think about him. That's what I'm trying.

I am going through something very similar, my stbx did horrible things to me before I caught her cheating and continues to try to destroy me through the divorce process and child custody. I am in shock that she could do all this to me and yet I still miss her more than I can stand. If you find a cure please let me know!

I am paralized by these same things... Every day, almost every hour. Everything I do, think and say reminds me of her. I am miserable, I cry alot almost everynight. I wish this pain would end.

It is always this way in the beginning, but does get better with time. You will heal. If you truly feel you are struggling with addiction to him, this book may help. Otherwise, though it may sound like a platitude, time does heal, but it does take a long time.

http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Love-Addiction-Giving-Yourself/dp/0062506048/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1442323326&sr=8-1&keywords=love+addiction

Yes, love can be debilitating. We have to figure out how to claim our power back. It took me allowing myself to grieve. Crying is a way to cleanse our soul. I took on hiking and nature was very soothing.
Find a way to distract your mind and over time all will lessen. Hang in there, it gets easier.

There is definitely something called relationship addiction. And then there is trauma bonding which feels like an addiction. This is a link to something I posted explaining trauma bonding.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/19534739-trauma-bonding

I am sharing this with you because what this did to you could definitely be considered traumatic. Trauma isn't always about big traumas. It can also be about what some would consider little things that continue to occur, like repeated lying. Also, what is traumatic for one may not be for another, so you will need to decide for yourself.

The good news is that there are specially trained therapists who use multiple modalities (besides talk therapy) that will help in the healing process.

In addition, it's critical to to allow ourselves to go thru the grief/mourning process. Grief is the sadness & other emotions we feel inside. Mourning is the outward expression of those feelings. Without mourning it is extremely difficult to heal.

In order to heal & get past the pain, we must go thru it. And, while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. I just started reading No Mud, No Lotus which talks about this very thing. What helped me to move thru this very thing is gratitude. It's not all that easy, especially in the beginning, but if you keep finding things for which you can be grateful, you will find your focus shifting in a more positive directly.

Just know that healing is a process and it takes time - more time than we think it should. It's also not a linear process. We may repeat, skip and/or duplicate stages as well as go thru more than one stage at a time. It's important to allow yourself to feel the feelings, whatever they are, and honor them w/o judging them. They are neither right nor wrong - they just are.

~healing hugs~

#8 - that was good info. Thank you for sharing.

Get someone else. I used be like that till ended up with major health issue over it. Now I am not going that route. Go get someone else. You are too emotionally attached. I was like that. Now I do not health to risk with again. Your problem you moved from marriage into another long term emotional attachment. Get something less long term and do not plan love forever.

I do keep myself busy, work, kids, gym, I go out with my friends but in the back of my mind their is his image. I do go hiking and I'm out around nature a lot and I do find it very soothing. I don't cry anymore but the emotions can be very overwhelming and debilitating.
I don't believe in getting involved with anybody else when you are hurting, I believe you are fooling yourself and you are not giving yourself entirely to the new relationship. I do believe in taking the time to mourn the loss and heal.