i\'m not excactly sure what is love or enfatuation or if there is a diferrence. i can\'t possitivly say if what i feel towards her is love but when she\'s gone i hurt. and of course the effection of another woman eases the pain. it\'s honestly the best medication. find another love

Toni, this is a classic Ann Landers column on the differences between love and infatuation.

Is it Love or Infatuation?

Infatuation is instant desire - one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship that makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he\'s away, you wonder if he\'s cheating. Sometimes you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.

Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

The love of my friends and family helped me immensely through my divorce. It continues to help my family now as my daughter\'s birth father chooses not to be involved in her life but her paternal grandparents and relatives remain involved in her life and in mine.

Love as a treatment has worked for me.

I have learned that having love in my life gives me hope, and helps to relieve the tension in my life caused by having fear of the future. Love has healed the wounds of my past.

The coming into middle age and looking at retirement alone causes great anxiety for me. I do not want to be alone in my old age. I want love and passion in my life as I grow into my older years.

As a result of that desire I have learned that I may not always be a perfect person and I may not always have the perfect person in my life. I just may be a flawed person who happens to have a flawed person who loves me passionately.

The treatment plan is to have and to learn patience, tolerance, and a passion for living life the best I can right now. All that matters is right now when it comes to love. I cannot live in the future. I must experience today fully.

Living my life alone without someone to love and someone to love me in return is a slow horrible death. I celebrate the love in my life everyday.

Hello --
I was so touched by your post and your situation reminds me a lot of my own.

Someone sent me this link today and the message went straight to my heart.

Here\'s to all of us not only moving on, but moving up!!

www.debbieford.com/spiritualdivorce

kudzu did not work for me but i traveled my ass all the way to Chinatown to get some.of course, depression meds, anxiety, ptsd, were not addressed as well as the absolutetly severe dydfunction in the family. however, if it worked for you i am more than happy.As for me, well, still looking. thanks for the input. devonh

Yep, the over the counter Kudzu I took did nothing for me either. This is the only one that was made to match the exact levels used in clinical trials conducted at Harvard. I find when I take it, along with l-glutamine (which is commonly used in rehab centers) in the midafternoon it really takes away my cravings. I truly was shocked at the difference.

Wow Melissa, it may not be your words, but I love the post, thanks.

I share an undeniable love with my children that most parents have. It is one of caring, nuturing, and protection for them. In return I receive their love because they know no matter what I will always be there for them. My parents do not know how to express their love, but do try to help in their own way. My brother and grandmother hold me close and care for me now as I do my children. Bless there hearts, for picking me up.

That intimate love between a husband and wife, was never returned in the same manner I gave it. It has taught me that I am on my own and it is up to me to love myself unconditionally. It is one I will never share with another.

And I did want to add that there are many other aspects to this program besides the Kudzu. It really addresses the nutritional deficiencies common in problem drinkers/alcoholics, and incorporates hypnotherapy, done in the comfort of your own home, that completely changed how I view alcohol. I listen to it right before I go to sleep at night and I sleep so soundly, and am no longer obsessed with where my next drink is coming from, do I have enough wine in the house, etc. I honestly cannot believe the change in me. And neither can my friends when I ask for water or soda at get togethers! LOL!!!

Is Kudzo a vitamin that can be bought over the counter. What other vitamins are helpful?

checking in

There is love and then there is love. For me most definitely love as a treatment for the pain of divorce works. But, it is the love freely given by supportive people who have NOTHING to gain by the giving. You always knew some of those people would be there for you, like your family. But, the love or at least empathy from some you barely know is a balm that soothes an angry wound!

Recommendations? Just talk and ask for help! You will be amazed at the love that flows back to you!

Replacing your lost love with another partner is something I'm not even close to considering yet. I imagine that sometimes that works but it is a dangerous adventure.

love of good friends, yes, however I am not interested in another relationship until I can trust my own judgment. It has taken me too long to get out of this one. I've been trying for a year and it looks like another 6 mos to go. Oh yeah, that's if you don't count the 3years of marriage counseling before that. Still I guess I'm a romantic at heart...

The love of God, my children, and my true friends (those who stand by me in spite of my stupidity) has worked for me. It is what stands between me and giving up.