Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi Everyone. This is my first post and I thought it would be good to get some advice since I'm going through a difficult time. My wife and I are getting a divorce after 10 years. It was inevitable since there were challenges with our marriage that we couldn't overcome. There were trust issues between the both of us but what ultimately lead to the end was the death of our son in 2013. We grieved separately which made us drift further apart. From this, we never recovered. We stayed together for our daughter even though she gave me the ultimatum that it was over in years ago. I refused to believe it and did everything I could to make our situation better hoping that eventually we could make this work.
It all came to a head a few days ago when I found out she was ready to move on with someone else. I was devastated, heartbroken, hurt, lost, you name it. I had some bad thoughts running through my head and had to call a crisis line to bring me back. I came home that evening but it was hard to be there. Looking at her brought up so much pain and sadness. I couldn't eat or sleep for several days and lost 7 pounds. After a few days, I was calm enough for us to sit down an talk. We discussed our situation, how this loveless marriage was not good for either of us and it had to end. We agreed that a divorce was long overdue and started filing out the paperwork. I keep telling myself that I should have acknowledged this marriage should have ended years ago, that it couldn't be saved because of the challenges we faced were to great to overcome. It's hard for me to accept this but I have to. She was ready to move on 3 years ago while I'm just starting now and it hurts.
We also agreed that we have to remain amicable to each other since our daughter needs both of us and has Asperger's.
Right now she has her new "friend" to lean on for support but I don't have anyone. I lost contact with all my friends when I became isolated following the death of our son. I'm jealous of where she's at in her mourning/healing process since she has a 3 year head start.
I'm trying to take each day one day at a time but it's hard. I have my good days when I feel I can do this and move on. But there are other days, like today, when I feel that the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I want to crawl back into bed.
I can't turn off these thoughts in my head and it's causing so much anxiety that my heart races, my breathing quickens and I go numb.
I just don't know what to do and so lost, confused and alone. I'm scared of what is ahead of me since it's such a great unknown.
They say time is the healer of all wounds but I don't know...
I am sorry you are going through this. I am a little further out in regard to my separation and I can tell you that I am doing better than I was when I first separated from my husband. Like you, when this first happened, I was lost, confused and alone. I took the steps in getting counseling for me because I knew it was going to be a long road for me. Like you as well, there are days still that I want to crawl back in bed and just cry. However, I think about how far I have come and there are glimpse of me thinking about what the future holds. Sure, I get scared about being alone for the rest of my life but this time has allowed me to figure out what I want for me and for my future. I know that it doesn't appear like it now, but time does heal wounds but you have to realize that you do what is best for you. Dont worry about what everyone else thinks. Again, counseling I would definitely recommend it if you are able to do that. You need to think about you and your daughter. Sending positive thoughts your way! :)