Try to calm down and take deep breaths when these feeling overwhelm you. I don't know your story, but I would that all is not lost if she is willing to take time and work on things. Many of us go through struggles and put up with so much in life and then one day we hit a breaking point and cant handle anymore. That is usually when people walk away to never look back. It sounds like there may be a glimmer of hope in your case. Give her some time to calm the frazzaled edges and think about what she wants to do. While doing this work on yourself and try to see your behaviors from her eyes. Also I don't want you to put the weight of the world on your shoulders either. It takes TWO people to make or break a relationship and it is very easy for one of the people to blame everything on the other when in reality there is always cause and effect! Don't get me wrong here there is usually one person that causes the break-up, but neither of the two people involved are completely guilt free.

The best thing you can do is to improve yourself and work on your short Cummings.

I wish you all the luck!

Thank you for your kind words. Trying like hell to stay calm and keep it together. Yes, we both share in the blame, there is no doubt about that. It's so hard when you truly love someone to have to let go.

I'm sorry and I understand. I am at 6 months separated after 21 years. Its a very big adjustment. Its expected that you will lost. She is your life and what you know. Obviously she needs to step back and figure things out. Give her space and take care of you right now and pray. Getting involved in something you enjoy will help. I wish I could tell you there will be a happy ending with her in it but I can't. Only time will tell.

Thank you! I'm sorry for your situation too. I know the pain. I'm struggling with giving space because I'm a giver and always giving myself to her. I do allot of praying, I don't know maybe too much. I really hope things turn out the best for you too. Hang in there, we are going to be ok, right?

Yes we are. It took a few months for me but I'm in a much better place now. I know that we need to remain apart now for each of our own well being. It was just hard to break what I got used to. I also gave and gave and gave until there was just nothing left. I know that feeling well. Healing truly takes time and commitment to healing your inner self. Coming to that place of self respect that draws others to us rather than away. Its a process. Embrace this journey and accept with dignity the final destination. God bless

In the same boat, after 25 years my wife had an affair with my best friend and boss. Said it was my fault of course, but just needed some time to think. I agree I was checked out and severely depressed for several years. I caused a lot of heartache and strain on our marriage, but did not cause the affair. We stayed at our house together for 3weeks without really talking and I couldn't take it any longer all the while they both lied about what happened. I literally cured and broke down every single day and finally packed my things and moved out. I have been trying to find a new job, but nothing yet, do I get to see the bastard every single day. He and his wife are pretending that they are doing great. I stayed home for 3 weeks until she asked me to come back, said she wanted to work on things. Another 3 weeks in and I have lived up to my side of the bargain. Not drinking, lost 50 lbs, staying present and positive, encouraging her daily, reading lots of books about restoring our marriage and she has watched Scandal on Netflix. She says I love you and gives me a kiss morning, night, when we go to work. She thinks we are working on being friends again, which I get, but it is so hard not to want more. I get how messed up we were, but I want the real deal and want to work on it. She will barely hold my hand, and half way hugs. How does it get to this. My faith is the only thing holding me together right now. I am thankful that this has brought me closer to God. Do I continue to work on me and pray that she begins to soften her heart toward me and wanting to work on our marriage. Focus on yourself right now, get your mind set that you will be ok no matter the outcome.

In a similar place, coming up on 21 years of marriage. One teenager. He left suddenly, same time 3 years ago. After several months apart, we reconciled. Went to counseling for several sessions. Now, almost on the 3 year anniversary of his first exit, he's decided he wants to separate and divorce. Even he thinks something is strange with him wanting to end the marriage almost the same date, 3 years later! Anyways, I can so relate to all the feelings everyone is going through. Hurt, anger, disbelief, confusion, love, hate, etc. It is truly a roller coaster of extreme emotions.
However, this time, I am not as broken. I feel like, if he wants to go, then go. I am afraid and concerned about the future, but what gets me through is my faith. I'm not a religious person, but I am very spiritual and I truly believe in a higher power. Praying, and knowing in my being, that I will survive, gets me through. I've joined a separation/divorce support group, started therapy, joined this group, and pray. I've been through a lot in my life, and every difficulty/challenge has led me to something better. I still have a tiny bit of "hope" we can save our marriage, but what I pray for is to accept God's will. We can only control ourselves, so we must take care of ourselves and love ourselves. I, too, have had thoughts about how lacking I must be. And, in some areas, I am. None of us are perfect. So, don't beat yourself up because someone you love doesn't love you back. It's their loss! What's important is to love yourself! And, when you do, you will shine! Believe in YOU!
You will survive! (And, keep reaching out! It helps to talk to others going through the same thing, and it's good to know we aren't alone!)

I'm sorry that this is happening in your marriage. The good thing to focus on is that your wife still wants to work on the marriage. I think its best to give her space and let her find herself and work on the things she needs to work on within her. I think you should do the same focus on the issues you two had. And why did you guys have those issues in the first place. Working on things like understanding the way she communicates and expresses herself, listening, emotional and physical needs between you two could really help and get yourself on the track to having a healthy marriage. Don't stop praying continue to pray and seek wisdom from God. We can never talk to God too much He loves to see us come to Him. Maybe if you guys have a local church you could talk the pastor and ask him to help counsel you two. I pray you find peace & healing within your marriage in this difficult time. Checkout Marriagetoday.com or go on youtube and search for them. They give great marital advice and it has truly helped me look at the issues in my own marriage.