welcome aboard. sorry to hear of your situation. Things do get better. Find support, be it friends, family, free meet up groups, counselling, support groups or by other means. in the meantime there are so many fantastic people here to listen any time you wish. you re never alone

Lost,

I'm very sorry for your pain. I can tell you from experience that you have to go through all of the pain to get to the better life ahead of you. There is no way around that awful pain. But it makes you stronger and proud that you endured and survived.

I know different things worked for different people, but what helped me most was journaling. I kept 2 journals on me at all times. I never let anyone see those journals and when I was ready, I burned them. One journal I wrote my feelings out and talked about my day. The other journal I wrote about all the things I didn't like about ex. I wrote about the times I forgave him 3 times after he begged for forgiveness and then he still left. This helped me to gain clarity on who I was really married to.

Clarity and time are the biggest healers.

You're going to be okay, I promise. But like all of us, you have to get through that awful pain you're feeling in order to get to the other side.

Tomorrow will mark 6 years for me. I am now remarried and I've never been happier.

Hang in there!! Be kind to yourself and know we're here to listen.

At this stage there is little you can do, the good thing is you have separated thus meaning the grieving and healing processes have begun.

Wow, what a D-bag. I agree with ElizabethM - journal. Putting your emotions on paper as they are happening helps your brain work through the situation. I know it's super hard, super scary and your emotions are going to go up and down. I'm in the midst too. 24 years, affair with my best friend. now living with her. Two families blown up. Blindsided. I understand the whirlwind of emotions. Feeling like you are in a whirlpool and being sucked under. Not being able to focus. Wondering what the F is going to happen to you. First off, pay attention and write everything down. He's already showing you how he is going to treat you (filing and not telling you). That's so cowardly. Mine did it too. It took me a year to finally admit to myself that he doesn't care about me at all. Not even a little. You are still going to want to trust him. I did. But, hard as it is to believe, he no longer has your best interests in mind. No matter what he says, he will probably change his mind or not remember he said it. Get as much in writing as possible but YOU don't sign anything without having an attorney look at it. Start talking to attorneys. Most will give a free consultation. Have a list of questions you can hand them if you are too emotional. Ask your divorced friends who's the best and make an appointment pronto. Each attorney you speak to will not be able to represent your stbx even if you don't hire them. Start copying everything and put the copies somewhere safe because financial stuff may disappear. I actually started scanning everything onto a USB and keep it with me at all times. This is going to get very overwhelming but we are all here for you, I'm here for you (PM me if you'd like to speak privately). I know I threw alot at you but I'm 13 months into this hell and wish I hadn't believed my stbx and all his trust me's.
I know this is a very emotionally charged situation. Half the time I can't remember what I'm supposed to do because of being unable to focus. Keep notes, lists, whatever works for you. Keep your head up, take care of yourself and your kids. Their world blew up too and they are going to be scared. Try your very hardest not to say anything bad about him to them. Try your best to take the high road. You will survive this and it will get better eventually.
Sending you thoughts of strength and peace. Hugs.

Hi, I'm sorry your going thru this. Reading your posts really hit home-I'm going thru this also. I'm 52 and wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Try to stay positive and come here to vent. You can talk to me anytime. I think that would be good for me too. Hugs.