Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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girl825
girl825

ny boyfriend of 8 years wants to take another break to think about what to do about our relationship. We are both 35 years old. It is long distance. It was good until April of this year. Then he started to distance himself from me since the job I applied for in his city fell through. I am unable to be in his city due to job and life circumstance for about 1 year. We were same city for a year or so and then long distance this whole time after. He doesn't think he can do it anymore but 'doesn't want to lose me'. I don't know what this means. I have no option to be in the same city with him currently but have been trying to make it work and am willing to try more. I don't know. I have no one to talk to about this or turn to since he was my best friend really. My other friends are busy and not in the town I am in either. I can't eat or sleep or function and am not sure if anything is worth it. He is killing me by not giving me an answer. I wish he would just say he wants to end it, so we can move on, but I can't move on with all these breaks and weird patchy communications in between. Or if he would just say he would try to work through it. He won't answer this and our talk last night was very circular and didn't lead to any conclusion except that t seems that he is less interested in working things through. Any ideas? Not sure how to cope with this. I have asked him to talk sooner but I am emailing, calling and texting a wall since he is mostly ignoring me now

jojored
jojored
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. It's very self destructive and humiliating to keep going up against that wall. I know this from experience, a very emotionally one-sided marriage. I think it's time to step back and stop contacting him. The signs of the end of the relationship are right there, I think it's time to really analyze if you are getting your needs met by being in an 8 year long distance relationship. Most people couldn't handle it, maybe you're fine with it, and maybe he's not fine with it any longer. It's time for YOU to figure out if this is what you want, or if you've been hanging on too long. Good luck.
girl825
girl825
Hi jojored - thanks for your response. You are right. Time to make a decision.. I have been hanging on too long. I think he has too but just realized it sooner. Will probably end it then when we next talk. It is too bad since we are best friends. I am not able to keep in touch after though - not at this point. Maybe in a few years if the feelings change. Or maybe never. I guess we all have to say good bye to people at some point.
girl825
girl825
Thank you pink318. I really appreciate your prayers and words of kindness. My mind drifts so easily to thoughts about him in this period of silence. I know the 'official' end is near but I know inside that it is already over and was over when he made his decision to retreat away from me. It was my time of need where support would have helped or at least some open communication but to withdraw is such an unfortunate way to deal with situations. The past was good but this is now and it looks as if it is irreparable. What won't change is how he deals with situations in the future - retreating like this will not work with my communication style. Moving forward is hard but needed. Am hoping at our next discussion we both exit gracefully.