Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I apologize in advance for how long this is going to be, but I'm so lost and at the end of my rope. I'm 20 years old, I'll be 21 in a few months and already I want to give up. I'm drowning in my mistakes and stress. I don't even know how to put my life back together anymore.
Last April: I left an abusive relationship, it was hard, but I did it and didn't look back with the help of friends and family.
Last May: I got my life back together and took an internship several hundred miles away from home.
Last July: I was pulled over in the middle of the night for not having mud flaps on my truck, the officer informed me that my license had been suspended for too many speeding tickets and I was arrested. Bailed myself out and tried to move on.
Last August: I was kicked out of my living situation for literally no reason, my aunt that I was staying with pawned me off on another family member while she left town and she hated me because I was white and she was Native American. So I packed up my stuff and was sleeping in my truck, I was pulled over leaving a gas station and was again arrested because I didn't have a license. I felt so terrible, I was on suicide lockdown for days because I had a panic attack. I was given community work service.
Last October: The wonderful man I was with whom I had a healthy relationship with that treated me like a princess left me for a reason I have yet to figure out. One moment he was telling me how perfect I was and he loved me for who I was and the next, I never heard from him again. I was crushed beyond belief. I met another amazing man days after. I told him I wasn't ready and I needed to fix some things in my life beforehand, but he told me he would rather help me deal with them than let someone else, he persisted and I gave in. I let my insecurities and stress get the best of me. I lashed out at him for stupid things and even threatened to leave in complete frustration. After seeing how much pain I was putting him through, I tried to clean myself up and make healthier choices for our relationship because I loved him. He treated me amazingly and stuck by my side through a lot. He deserved more than what I was doing to him and loved me more than I could have ever wanted.
Last December: I found out my court paperwork didn't go through to their satisfaction and a warrant was issued for my arrest. I've been trying to solve it and I got shot down. I developed stomach ulcers and reproductive issues shortly after. I'm still at a loss on how to handle it without having a complete mental breakdown. I felt like I ruined everything.
This March: My boyfriend and I moved in together since things were looking up and then everything went back downhill, we would fight over the littlest things and even though I didn't leave him again, he started to want to leave me, started treating me like crap most of the time and I just accepted it. I felt like I deserved it. He said I had hurt him too much but he still loved me. I tried everything, I tried giving him what he wanted, I tried counseling, getting meds for my ADD...everything. Nothing mattered, he said I destroyed everything he had worked so hard to achieve with me. I had gone to school with him for years and he was never this way...ever, even mutual friends said he normally isn't like this. I devastated by the fact I feel entirely at fault for all his pain and I couldn't make it any better. I loved him so much, I forced myself to be a better person for him, but it was too late and I'm being eaten alive by the guilt.
This April: I found out he had unknowingly passed HPV and possibly HSV to me. He cried for hours and I forgave him and tried to move on.
This Last Saturday: He moved out and told me it was a definite breakup, that he was leaving me and didn't want to hear from me again. I took him home to his parents and before I left he told me he just needed to relax and have a break. He would call. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too.
Yesterday: He left me, he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. He said I hurt him too much and he can never forgive me. I'm entirely hopeless right now. He told me he only said it was a break so I would leave and stop trying to help. I'm so crushed. I'm worried I'll never find love again, especially having HPV. I'm worried nobody is going to accept me and I'm scared I will never forgive myself for what I did to him. He told me he saw me the other day after the separation and bawled his eyes out. I couldn't breathe when he told me that. I don't think I can handle this along with all my other stress. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't have any hope anymore, for anything. A career, a healthy and satisfying relationship, a healthy body (I gained so much weight I don't feel attractive at all anymore) or happiness in general. I'm broken entirely. I don't want anyone but him and I just want him to come back and hold me...but he hates me. I can't stop crying, I can barely keep solid food down, I'm smoking two packs a day and I look like I was sent through a hurricane. I don't know what to do! I'm too depressed right now to even do anything.
Last April: I left an abusive relationship, it was hard, but I did it and didn't look back with the help of friends and family.
Last May: I got my life back together and took an internship several hundred miles away from home.
Last July: I was pulled over in the middle of the night for not having mud flaps on my truck, the officer informed me that my license had been suspended for too many speeding tickets and I was arrested. Bailed myself out and tried to move on.
Last August: I was kicked out of my living situation for literally no reason, my aunt that I was staying with pawned me off on another family member while she left town and she hated me because I was white and she was Native American. So I packed up my stuff and was sleeping in my truck, I was pulled over leaving a gas station and was again arrested because I didn't have a license. I felt so terrible, I was on suicide lockdown for days because I had a panic attack. I was given community work service.
Last October: The wonderful man I was with whom I had a healthy relationship with that treated me like a princess left me for a reason I have yet to figure out. One moment he was telling me how perfect I was and he loved me for who I was and the next, I never heard from him again. I was crushed beyond belief. I met another amazing man days after. I told him I wasn't ready and I needed to fix some things in my life beforehand, but he told me he would rather help me deal with them than let someone else, he persisted and I gave in. I let my insecurities and stress get the best of me. I lashed out at him for stupid things and even threatened to leave in complete frustration. After seeing how much pain I was putting him through, I tried to clean myself up and make healthier choices for our relationship because I loved him. He treated me amazingly and stuck by my side through a lot. He deserved more than what I was doing to him and loved me more than I could have ever wanted.
Last December: I found out my court paperwork didn't go through to their satisfaction and a warrant was issued for my arrest. I've been trying to solve it and I got shot down. I developed stomach ulcers and reproductive issues shortly after. I'm still at a loss on how to handle it without having a complete mental breakdown. I felt like I ruined everything.
This March: My boyfriend and I moved in together since things were looking up and then everything went back downhill, we would fight over the littlest things and even though I didn't leave him again, he started to want to leave me, started treating me like crap most of the time and I just accepted it. I felt like I deserved it. He said I had hurt him too much but he still loved me. I tried everything, I tried giving him what he wanted, I tried counseling, getting meds for my ADD...everything. Nothing mattered, he said I destroyed everything he had worked so hard to achieve with me. I had gone to school with him for years and he was never this way...ever, even mutual friends said he normally isn't like this. I devastated by the fact I feel entirely at fault for all his pain and I couldn't make it any better. I loved him so much, I forced myself to be a better person for him, but it was too late and I'm being eaten alive by the guilt.
This April: I found out he had unknowingly passed HPV and possibly HSV to me. He cried for hours and I forgave him and tried to move on.
This Last Saturday: He moved out and told me it was a definite breakup, that he was leaving me and didn't want to hear from me again. I took him home to his parents and before I left he told me he just needed to relax and have a break. He would call. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too.
Yesterday: He left me, he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. He said I hurt him too much and he can never forgive me. I'm entirely hopeless right now. He told me he only said it was a break so I would leave and stop trying to help. I'm so crushed. I'm worried I'll never find love again, especially having HPV. I'm worried nobody is going to accept me and I'm scared I will never forgive myself for what I did to him. He told me he saw me the other day after the separation and bawled his eyes out. I couldn't breathe when he told me that. I don't think I can handle this along with all my other stress. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't have any hope anymore, for anything. A career, a healthy and satisfying relationship, a healthy body (I gained so much weight I don't feel attractive at all anymore) or happiness in general. I'm broken entirely. I don't want anyone but him and I just want him to come back and hold me...but he hates me. I can't stop crying, I can barely keep solid food down, I'm smoking two packs a day and I look like I was sent through a hurricane. I don't know what to do! I'm too depressed right now to even do anything.
Breakups hurt like hell, but it sounds as if he was a lifeline to you because everything else is a mess. No one can be that for you. No one should be so important they destroy you. Sadness is inevitable but keep focusing on you. Get yourself in the healthiest place possible and the right love will come.
Try meditation and get your meds going to help you. Keep investing in yourself so you can get to whee you need to be financially and emotionally. Can you get counseling for just yourself? Join a support group if you can and maybe read some self-help books. You will get through this but you must place your serenity and strength securely in your own hands. I feel for you. It took me a long, long time to realize I was the only one who could fix my broken life.
I would say that if your main concern is finding love again because of having HPV and herpes, you should check out the STD section on this site. There are people there who have been through the same situation and can give you some perspective on the dating scene. I would say right now, dating should be the furthest thing from your mind. You had three relationships within 12 months, all while trying to manage other stresses in your life. Time for you to learn how to be alone because you seem to depend on these men for your happiness way too much.
So...I would actually advise going to social services to help with life transition. They are more knowledgeable about helping you transition to an attainable career with a history of arrests. You may also want to think of finding a way to turn a personal skill into a business. I had a relative go to jail, and he is making thousands of dollars a year working for himself.
Don't think that having a career is hopeless. Lots of employers hire people with past charges. I never got arrested but I had a past history that made me feel like I could never have a career. For years, I struggled finding a job, let alone a job with a decent salary. Just hang in there. The universe has a way of forcing us to move on. The pain will hit you like a ton of bricks some days. But eventually things do subside. We are all going through some pain right now. But fact remains, it will all subside. Peace.