Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi everyone,
It's been a while since I've been on here, but I need some advice about a situation I'm in. I was divorced from my husband when I was 25 (2 years ago), because our relationship fell apart despite trying my best to keep it together. We were together since we were 17 and I loved him with all my heart. He killed himself last year because he struggled with depression and it is the worst thing I've ever had to deal with emotionally.
Fast forward 2 years later, I am in a new and very happy relationship. I honestly didn't know if I would ever be able to find someone that made me happy ever again, but things have been great. My boyfriend is very understanding about the fact that I got divorced young, and doesn't think it's a big deal. We moved in together recently, and I'm becoming close with his siblings and his parents. The problem is, no one in my boyfriend's family knows about me, because my boyfriend didn't think it was important to share with them. He figures, he's fine with it, and he doesn't really care if they know or not. I feel almost guilty, like I have a big dark secret hanging over my head, and that I'm somehow betraying them because they don't know the full story about me. They love me a lot and have bought us tickets to fly across the country to spend a couple months with them in the summer, and I need to come to a decision: do I tell them? I'm terrified they will reject me if they know, but I also feel like an imposter at times. They keep telling me how happy they are that their son is with a girl like me (I have a great career, I'm a masters student and I pretty much have my life together besides that one point in my life) and I'm terrified of losing them.
I feel like I really need some insight into my situation. I don't want to be dishonest, but it's also a really hard thing to talk about and I don't want what happened in the past to define who I am.
Thank you for your advice.
It's been a while since I've been on here, but I need some advice about a situation I'm in. I was divorced from my husband when I was 25 (2 years ago), because our relationship fell apart despite trying my best to keep it together. We were together since we were 17 and I loved him with all my heart. He killed himself last year because he struggled with depression and it is the worst thing I've ever had to deal with emotionally.
Fast forward 2 years later, I am in a new and very happy relationship. I honestly didn't know if I would ever be able to find someone that made me happy ever again, but things have been great. My boyfriend is very understanding about the fact that I got divorced young, and doesn't think it's a big deal. We moved in together recently, and I'm becoming close with his siblings and his parents. The problem is, no one in my boyfriend's family knows about me, because my boyfriend didn't think it was important to share with them. He figures, he's fine with it, and he doesn't really care if they know or not. I feel almost guilty, like I have a big dark secret hanging over my head, and that I'm somehow betraying them because they don't know the full story about me. They love me a lot and have bought us tickets to fly across the country to spend a couple months with them in the summer, and I need to come to a decision: do I tell them? I'm terrified they will reject me if they know, but I also feel like an imposter at times. They keep telling me how happy they are that their son is with a girl like me (I have a great career, I'm a masters student and I pretty much have my life together besides that one point in my life) and I'm terrified of losing them.
I feel like I really need some insight into my situation. I don't want to be dishonest, but it's also a really hard thing to talk about and I don't want what happened in the past to define who I am.
Thank you for your advice.
broken234
The most important person for you to share your past with is your boyfriend. You were honest and open with him and that's what matters. Try discussing your feelings with him. These are his family members and he is the one who knows them the most. Your boyfriend might be protecting you from having to bring up bad memories from the past. Tell him how you are feeling about not telling his family and make that decision together.
LostNFound3
I agree with #1 in general, though I'm not sure that your past experience is at all relevant to your BF's family unless you plan to seek emotional support from them, which it sounds like you don't need at this point. I'm sorry for what you went through, and I'm glad to hear you have recovered so well. While your prior relationship will always be a part of you, and I'm sure you will have strong feelings around it, especially around the anniversary of his death, it need not define you. I don't think it is a big dark secret. You did nothing wrong.
astoryaboutme
Thank you both for your responses, that gives me a lot to think about and it helps confirm what I was already thinking. I think talking it out with my boyfriend will be best, because what happened does not define who I am.
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