I'm sorry you are a facing a potentially dangerous situation by asking him to leave. I have no experience with this sort of thing, so I have nothing to offer but my prayers for you.

Bring somebody with you and meet in a public place. Tell him you will leave the place at time x on day y, and he has z hours to get his stuff. If he refuses, pack it up for him, put it in boxes, and tell him to pick it up at a certain time. have a friend with you that entire day. get your locks changed too.
hope you are safe xx

*tell him you will leave the apartment/home etc.

well that sucked. after about 7 hours he finally left. wouldn't take any of his things. he came here with a bag, and a computer. this is my place, i do not trust him in it while im gone now. not sure if the police would just break the door open and come in? i offered to help move his things if he needed. back and forth from hostile to begging. how bad would this be if he was actually all moved in? if we both were on the lease? he says that im unreasonable to not give him a second chance. monitor his gps, have access to all his electronics... that doesnt change who the person is, theres always a way to deceive when you want to.

thank you for the support and encouragement guys. i keep waiting for the anger to really kick in, that would be helpful at the moment.

I have agreed to meet him at his therapists office this week. he took that as a sign that i want to try an work things out. I just want a witness and mediator. he also sent me pictures of a broken ankle last night. I'm wondering what happened, is this another lie? another manipulation? If i have these kinds of questions and distrust how could you even want to keep trying? he will find another woman to take him in, it'll just take time.

yes, he has a record, and is on probation. I kept giving him the benefit of doubt with so many red flags (i have baggage too).

I've been trying to set up times that i can have my friends here, they are all women but I'd feel sorry for anyone who pissed one of them off. I just dont want it to go that far, and i think it will if i have too much back up. He says that he's hurt that I would worry about him doing something vindictive. But i've listened to him tell me about the things he's done to get back at people, i'm NOT paranoid.

i also realized why i'm not as angry as i think i should be... i expected it. it's a relief to know that my gut was not over reacting. He is also bi-polar and was hospitalized for it within the last few years. He claims to not remember sending my dirty photos out, or having conversations about porn shoots and 3somes. absolutely swears he never slept with someone else. I DONT CARE if he actually did or not, what I saw was enough. I feel bad for him, that he might of spent the night in his truck with no where to go....(and now a broken ankle) but he had all day to figure something out instead of spinning wheels trying to get instant forgiveness.

i guess it helps to say/type things out. helps to remind myself that his problems are his own, and fueled by his own actions and choices. not mine.

What a horrible situation ur in. It sounds dangerous. He is the typical manipulative cheater. He is blaming you for not giving him a second chance, he makes u feel guilty for letting him sleep I his car and somehow he blames you for his broken ankle. Don't fall for this he is a narcissistic manipulative cheater. Those kind of manipulations ate very common. I would not go to couples therapy that indeed gives him the idea you want to work things out. If you have committed than make sure I'm advance to contact this therapist and explain the dangerous situation ur in. Tell the therapist u want this to end safely. Therapist need to know in advance! Or just cancel. But be string and straight forward. No pitty and don't allow a discussion.
I agree with all above pack up his stuff and make sure you have a family member wheb he comes puck it up or have someone drop off his belongings. Break every contact and have a friend/family member stay witb you a few days till things calm down.
Please trust ur gut ur gut is right ur gut is telling you this is dangerous ur gut told you he was cheating and ur gut tells you the red flags and to leave. Listen to ur gut. Be safe!

"Please trust ur gut ur gut is right ur gut is telling you this is dangerous ur gut told you he was cheating and ur gut tells you the red flags and to leave. Listen to ur gut. Be safe!"

Thank you heartache, i needed to hear that. I was close to telling him that he could sleep here until he finds something this morning. I wish I could post the voicemail i received this morning from him... I feel for him. But i do not want this in my life. I know what it's like to be in poverty, and have no where to turn. I hate doing that to someone else.

I keep reminding myself, i asked him... what if the situation was in reverse and you found me cheating? "i would kill him". (I know i know! this is stupid, i need to stop factoring in things... making allowances.) "and you would try and work things out with me? what about with your ex who cheated on you? did you try and work it out with her?" "yes, for a week while she toyed with me for her own amusement". (my gut says that its hard to work on a relationship from death row, it also tells me that she wanted you to see her with another man....because she knew you were cheating)

I'm worried if i box up his things that he will claim they are damaged. This is something he did in the past when his things were moved for him. (and here is my factoring in thoughts: there was damage to his possessions, but not serious and i have no way of knowing that dent wasn't there before or not. he said other things had been worked over with a baseball bat, again i didnt see this so how do i know?)

also, i never lied to him and said lets work this out in couples counseling. I said, how about i meet with you and your therapist. I dont want to destroy the relationship he has with her by talking to her on the side. he's gonna need her.

and i think i just realized that im making excuses for him again....

I've decided that i want to keep the bed we built together, and will pay him for the supplies. that is not unreasonable. I had a bed before he moved in, we made this one so we could sleep together. and i bought a nice mattress for it. i wanted to give the half he built back so he wouldn't have anything to hold over me anymore. what about what i can hold over him? i dont have that in me.

he cant have it both ways.... he cant be in a bi-polar psychosis and not remember his actions, but know that he didnt cheat on me, and know that he wont harm me. he cant be so emotionally fragile that he cant handle this relationship ending, and also be supportive and help heal this relationship. it doesnt add up. its again more manipulation... and i've seen so many people talk about this sort of situation before... and i thought "please please please protect yourself and get out, he's a..."


okay, i have a plan....
i need to make a list of topics to discuss during our meeting.
the list will be focused on my needs.
i will have cash for the remainder of this months rent, and the half of the bed he built.
I will record the entire session, pending approval. or just the monetary transaction.
I will bring his belongings, as much as i can fit in my car. (would so feel safer to have someone video record me packing them)

Glad my words helped.
You seem to be very compassionate. But ur saying I hate doing this to him about kicking him out. But stop feeling bad. It's his own fault not it's. He will find another couch to sleep on somewhere.
I would really not do the counseling but if you feel you need to than do it.
Box up his things and make pictures if ur concerned he's going to say u damaged things. Ur pictures will prove it was ok when put in the box. Just an idea.
I wouldn't necessarily give him money. It will never be enough no matter wgat u give him he will try to get more from you. If he wants the bed let him take it. Sleep on an air mattress I wouldn't make a big deal from a bed. Defuvately try to get things go as smooth as possible and as much clear and business like as possible.
Stop making excuses for him and stop trying to help him. Take care of urself and ur safety not his. He's a big boy he has to take care of him self and own up to his mistakes. Good luck!

Cheaters will be cheaters, run out of that relationship before it hunts you down. There are no kids, no properties together. In 6 months it would be like it never happened. Love is a tricky feeling, it blinds you and does not allow you to see straight. But don't confuse that with the comfort that being in a relationship provides for him. Now that the affair did not work, he wants you back. Good move about the therapist, hopefully you can use that to prove that that betrayal is unforgivable.

initially i didnt want to make an issue of the bed. But it is a loft king size, i need help taking it apart, i also need his furniture out so i have room to take it apart. And i'm starting to think about whats right and fair for me. I had a working bed before he came here, i should have one when he leaves. I also do not have a bunch of money to spend replacing it. I got rid of my old bed so that he could move in my studio apartment. we built this to help make it work (cuz i was tired of sleeping on the floor while he was here). I can simply put the mattress on the floor though until i replace the frame, but hey....thats not my favorite thing. and his things need to be gone for me to do that.

i keep thinking about little bits of the conversation i read... he says that he was trying to resist buying a tripod. was that to film them having sex? or has he been filming me and him with out my knowledge? it makes me feel sick.

I also dont have the password for his pc, so i would have to just hold the power button to turn it off. (improper shut down... = rants from him)

my mother says screw him, he has no right to make demands of me. he was squatting in your home. you are being generous in offering him money for part of the bed, and you shouldnt give it to him.

I did the same thing. He cheated on me and first he played the blaming card. It worked once. The second time he played it I was stronger and kicked him out. Now he plays the pity card "you think I'm happy, my life socks". He visits the children and he always has a long face like saying "poor me".
Well, he should have thought of the consequences before falling in 2 different vaginas.
This is their game. I bet if your ex had a better living situation he wiuld leave you running.
My husband left me but could not leave our shared credit card. When confronted he said "why can you give me a hand, let me use it. I need to do some returns". Today that card is on my name and I have a lovely debt of $30.000. See how they play us?? Run, run. Please!!!

Thank you guys! For listening, support, sharing, and advice.

Tomorrow is going to be tough. But it's a step in the right direction. I feel stronger now. (I also looked at some legal information.)

30grands! Omg.