Sorry to hear that. Does he have any substance abuse problems? I have been in a relationship where you have to stay where you are for financial reasons and have dealt with the same issues. Where are your friends? Call them up, even if you haven't spoken for years. They will answer. You don't necessarily need to dump all of your problems on them (right away, anyway), but get back in touch. I have found that even after decades of not talking to some of mine, they are more than willing to hear from you and would love to get back together to 'catch up.' Do lunch! Ease into it slowly, and soon enough, you have another friendly ear to listen. This will help to build up your self-confidence. Once that hurdle has been jumped, you may find that you can break away from this control. And, your situation does sound controlling, although I don't know all of the circumstances. Scorpio67, I am Cancer68. We don't need this. Reach out. There are people who care. Best wishes...

Thank you, I will take your advice.

What is stopping you from leaving?

Well, we do own a home together, that needs to be settled. I am seeing an attorney today and will most likely be leaving within the next two weeks.

Your stbx sounds quite emotionally abusive. Will he continue to harrass you even after you move out? While you're still living under one roof, I would make certain to lock the door when you are in the room, most especially at night while sleeping. Think of it as the rest of the house being a prision, and your room is a sanctuary. That's what I tell myself, anyway, as I'm in a similar (but different) situation.

I am not really sure how he will react, to be honest. I have some friends that are going to come and pack me up in one day, move everything to storage and just be gone when he gets home. The situation is so volatile that I'm afraid to pack anything with him in the house. I don't know how I managed to get myself into this. I am never going to live with another man. I don't understand how anyone can be so hateful.

Yours sounds a lot like mine. Mine used to constantly be suspicious of me. He once was supposed to meet us at church (he came late), but left shortly after walking in because he saw me sitting in the pew and thought I was sitting too close to the guy next to me. (I was actually saving stbx a seat and he's a large guy.) He also used to awaken me in the middle of the night to question me about stuff. I would stumble and stammer trying to answer him and wake up at the same time, all of which was "proof" to him that I was lying. After the second or third time it happened, I remember thinking, "This is what they do to POWs!" I too lived with a lot of anxiety and depression. I was afraid to do just about anything in my house because he was so critical. Whatever I was doing at the time, I was supposed to be doing something else. My days were spent surviving and trying not to set him off. In the first years of our marriage, I would get excited when I heard him pull into the driveway. I'd literally put a fresh swipe of lipstick on and run my fingers through my hair. I couldn't wait to hear about his day. Seriously! He beat all that out of me though. He traveled a lot for work and when he'd leave, it was like a 700 lb. gorilla got off my chest. I'd lay on the couch just breathing for about two days before I'd suddenly get a burst of energy and want to clean the house or visit with a friend or do stuff with my daughter. I felt so free and at peace! No depression, no anxiety! And then he'd come back home and it was like a black cloud descended over our house. I thought it was all my fault. He told me it was. It wasn't until I read Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" that I saw the light. I knew then that it wasn't my fault and from then on, his manipulations didn't work on me anymore. The silent treatment that he'd give me for weeks and months? I reveled in it! The threats he made to leave me? I began making plans to leave HIM. Now I'm in therapy trying to undo all the damage he's done. Get yourself a good lawyer and a good therapist. Leave and don't look back.