Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Some people fear running into their ex. I fear never seeing him again. It was bad enough we barely saw each other when we were in the relationship. Now all the loneliness I felt in the LDR has multiplied by 10. After 8 years, I never felt what it would be like to see him everyday. Imagine that! 8 years, and I never got a chance to see him everyday.
The thing is, it doesn't matter if I ever see him again or not because there's no chance we would ever work it out. He has commitment issues that he refuses to get any counseling/therapy for. If we did try to work it out, I don't think I could ever fully trust the relationship again and would constantly be waiting for him to bolt again.
It's hard not to look back and it's hard not to wish for what we once had but the reality is that's gone. As difficult as it is, the best thing we can do is look forward and work on creating a new normal and a full life without that person. That's easier said than done because of the huge hole they left in our lives.
You have to get to the point where you're ready to go forward and that's a journey. It's good when you get there but the sadness isn't gone and you'll still miss them...at least I do.
I believe that everything happens just as it's supposed to and that someday we'll look back and when we think about our lost relationship(s) we'll see the blessing in them ending. That can take years but trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and better things are on the way for you.
Hugs!
I'm in your position right now, as I type this to you, I'm the only one in my home! For myself, not very long ago my home was full of activity, dinner be cooked by us, sitting down and us watching movies together, our old late nigh walk together, sitting at the dinner table playing Boogle, playing together with our cats, the list could go on.
For me at times the transition of going back to living alone after 13 months of having someone always with you is a serious and nerve racking let down. For both of us it's just going to take time, how much time, I've got no clue.
Just remember through this transition process, as hard as it might be, just try to take as good of care of yourself as you can. Remember we're here for you!
I think when you break up with someone it doesn't matter how many people you have around you supporting you, there's still this feeling of being alone. It's a different kind of "alone" that doesn't go away easily, no matter how much support you have. I don't know how to explain it...I think it's something you can't understand unless you've been through it.
While it seems unbearable now and feels like the pain will kill you, it won't. You will get through it but it's rough for awhile. Having a broken heart is brutal. But it does get better.
For awhile it's impossible to not think about what you don't have and what you lost. But once the worst of the pain is over and you begin to function again, you have to start looking for the positives in each day, no matter how trivial they are. You have to look at rebuilding and moving forward instead of focusing on the past. That's a process, too, and takes some time to get there. However, changing your focus and consciously working on controlling what you are thinking about will help you move forward. Obsessing about what's gone and the past will keep you stuck in your sadness and that's not a fun place to be. It's not easy but eventually you won't be so overwhelmed with sadness and then can start to choose happiness again. People really are as happy as they make up their minds to be.
In the meantime, try to stay busy, get some exercise and sunshine and lean on you friends and family for support. As Aaron said, take care of you and take time for you.
I like to look at it this way. I felt pretty much alone when I was dating him. Because he had a son, a dog and a demanding job. So we barely saw eachother. My life hasn't changed all that much and sometimes I have to remind myself of that.
He just occupied my mind mostly. Not my physical space. So I need to get that back. It's very hard to do that.
I also think in an LDR, you're always holding out for the time when you can be together so it's a very special kind of dream lost.
Hang in there. I'm so sorry this happened. You'll be okay though.
Egg-zack-ly
After a LDR breakup you find out you are still doing things alone. Nothing really has changed. It is the broken dream that we mourn. I rarely find myself grieving the past. Not many memories you can build long distance. I grieve more about what could have been.
#3 I never had that. I always had the bed to myself. I never came home to a meal. I never had sex regularly.I never had anyone to accompany me with my exercise, go to sporting events, play a board game at a dinner table, or anything regularly. For 8 years I never had any of that. I am realizing I did not get much out of this relationship.
#4 You are so right; it's about changing your mindset. But I struggle with getting closure for myself. Once I can wrap up this ending, I can maybe move on mentally. Instead, I don't know how I screwed up, why I screwed up, or if I will suffer forever for my screw up. I'm not all that attractive and there's a lot of competition in my city. So I'm not very optimistic about my future. Just got to wait around for years and see I guess. Anxiety, fear, depression, guilt, shame, blah...
Grieve as long as you feel is necessary. Look forward to the future. My best friend was in a LDR for several years and was devastated when it ended. But now she's in a new relationship, and realizes how much she was missing, emotionally and physically, while being involved with someone who lived 3,000 miles away.