Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello, I've been for some time on this site, but it's my first post on this group. It's a long story but I'll try to short it out.
There's this guy, we met 6 years ago, and we inmediately connected and started a relationship, we were together for 2 years and it was completely amazing, we had an amazing relationship and loved each other a lot, but things got complicated, we changed, at the end we fougth a lot and decided to break up. Since then, we've been on and off a couple of times, (most of the time nothing really serious), but we always kept in touch as friends, good friends. Almost 2 years ago we got back together and last a whole year, and I must say we were happier than ever, but then again things changed too much and we started to want different things. We broke up, but kept in touch as usual. A few months now, things got complicated and started to argue a lot ( I've been terribly depressed, anxious and feeling lonely. He had some hard time at work and with his family) and we didn't know how manage things.
It came to a point it was unbereable, we fought too much (I guess I needed him too much because of my problems, and he needed to be alone and have some space because of his) so we kept fighting until 3 weeks ago I decided to end completely our relationship. I deleted him from every social network, phone apps, etc, we talked a lot, argued and decided it was the best for us.
Now, I'm sure it is, we need to be apart and it's better this way. But I'm scared, I always thought of him like the love of my life, no matter what. Even not wanting to be with him, I always felt like at the end we will be together (stupid, right?).
I don't want to imagine my life without him in it, even just as friend, I always thought he'd be around in the picture. But what if this time is really the end? What if at some point I try to reach out to him, but he doesn't want to be friends again? What if we stay away so much that we become completely strangers?
I feel lonely, and scared. Scared of the future, scared of being alone (in all this time I've met people and went out, but never actually connected to anyone). All my friends are getting married, getting engaged, having babies. And I'm more alone than ever. Just to think about all this makes me freak out and get all anxious.
How can I make all these emotions and fears go away?
There's this guy, we met 6 years ago, and we inmediately connected and started a relationship, we were together for 2 years and it was completely amazing, we had an amazing relationship and loved each other a lot, but things got complicated, we changed, at the end we fougth a lot and decided to break up. Since then, we've been on and off a couple of times, (most of the time nothing really serious), but we always kept in touch as friends, good friends. Almost 2 years ago we got back together and last a whole year, and I must say we were happier than ever, but then again things changed too much and we started to want different things. We broke up, but kept in touch as usual. A few months now, things got complicated and started to argue a lot ( I've been terribly depressed, anxious and feeling lonely. He had some hard time at work and with his family) and we didn't know how manage things.
It came to a point it was unbereable, we fought too much (I guess I needed him too much because of my problems, and he needed to be alone and have some space because of his) so we kept fighting until 3 weeks ago I decided to end completely our relationship. I deleted him from every social network, phone apps, etc, we talked a lot, argued and decided it was the best for us.
Now, I'm sure it is, we need to be apart and it's better this way. But I'm scared, I always thought of him like the love of my life, no matter what. Even not wanting to be with him, I always felt like at the end we will be together (stupid, right?).
I don't want to imagine my life without him in it, even just as friend, I always thought he'd be around in the picture. But what if this time is really the end? What if at some point I try to reach out to him, but he doesn't want to be friends again? What if we stay away so much that we become completely strangers?
I feel lonely, and scared. Scared of the future, scared of being alone (in all this time I've met people and went out, but never actually connected to anyone). All my friends are getting married, getting engaged, having babies. And I'm more alone than ever. Just to think about all this makes me freak out and get all anxious.
How can I make all these emotions and fears go away?
The emotions and fears are normal, but that doesn't make them easier. The only thing that will make them go away, unfortunately, is time.
I'm now 41 and have been going through a divorce. It's been the worst time of my entire life. But I'll tell you one thing: I have no fear that I will be alone forever. In fact, I'm actively working at staying alone at this point. I've realized that at this age I'm more confident than I was in my younger years, and stronger in some ways. I'm working on what I need and how not to be at someone else's beck and call. It's nice to have a partner, of course. But it's not necessary. Look after yourself. Your relationship sounded somewhat destructive.
When you're worried or scared, remind yourself of the negatives to that relationship and thank your lucky stars that you're out of it and able to move into something healthier. You'll get there, trust me.
From what I have read of all your posts, you have no romantic interest in your life right now, fear you never will and are lonely right now.
I personally believe you used your ex as a crutch after the time you lost your Dad instead of getting counseling to appropriately grieve and help yourself. Perhaps a romantic relationship wasn't the best idea at that time. No one wants to be used and they can't be your therapist.
Now you are dealing with the effects of both the loss of your Dad and the loss of that crutch (your ex) and it's hitting you hard.
I believe it's time to go to therapy even if you tell yourself you don't want to. You won't be able to sustain any relationships because you will use them as a crutch and eventually it will ruin all the relationships.
You're an adult and challenge yourself to make the changes in your life to start a positive move towards the future. Counseling is but one move towards the future.
I'm so sorry for the loss of you Dad. Please get into counseling and grieve for him. You won't forget him, but the memories will eventually go from when he expired to all the good things and the good times of his life with you. His memory is so much more than the moment he died. My Dad is gone and that is how I always look upon him. Many, many hugs.
You have more time for you. Spend more time doing what you like to do, re-start an old hobby, or find a new one that you always wanted to do. Life is way, way too short! Learn to experience it in your own way and do your own thing.
And accept being scared. We all get scared at the prospects of life without someone. That's why we sought out and found this forum! We needed that comfort in those darkest hours. It is comforting knowing our experiences are not unique, and that things will get better!