Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Lonely and confused.

AryaRain
AryaRain

My husband of 7 years has left me. We've been separated for two months now. Our relationship has been bad for the past three years and really bad for the past year. He got to the point where he was so emotional and depressed that he needed to get out. We have both hurt each other in terrible ways over the past few years but ultimately I blame myself for the marriage failing. I thought I was fine with the separation until about three weeks in when my husband came over one night. He said he missed me and wanted to see me. We cried and talked for a while and ended up being intimate with each other. He told me he still loved me and always would but that he was confused and didn't know what he wanted. The stress of separation from me and our two kids was keeping him from thinking straight. He said he wanted to spend some time apart to work on ourselves. A week later we talked again and he said he wanted to go ahead with the divorce. I suggested a legal separation so we had space and time to think it over. He said he would rather just get a divorce. The confusing part is that he said its not over between us. He said he still loves me and that maybe someday we will get back together. He wants to see me once a week or so and have a physical relationship but not be together. This is extremely painful for me because I want to stay together. We have been together for ten years, we have two children together. Yes our marriage has been tough and I've been very unhappy but I still love him. I feel like this idea to divorce but still see each other is not a good one. I know I am just going to cling to whatever hope there is that we will get back together for as long as I can. He will eventually meet someone new and brake it off with me and I will be devastated. But I feel like I still want to do it because its so painful being away from him. I am so lonely. I have no friends I can talk to about this and I don't know what to do. I know I will end up getting hurt if I agree to this but I still want to. Any advice would be appreciated.

TXK8
TXK8
I agree that you probably will end up hanging on and getting hurt. Maybe you could ask him why he wants to proceed in this manner. Maybe you could explain why you feel it would be unfair to you. I agree that this seems confusing. He seems to care about you and not want to hurt you, but then goes ahead and does that. It's a hard balance trying not to hurt people you love. I would really demand explications and a chance to explain why that hurts and confuses you.
bobbarker
bobbarker
He's being 100% selfish. He wants to use you like a doll with a switch on the back of its neck. When he wants to play with you, flip the switch. That's bullshit. You will get hurt way worse if you go down the path you are about to travel. You have stuck your toe in the water, now just dive in and get it over with.
HeartInTwo
HeartInTwo
Im so sorry you're going through this. I am in the exact same situation. My partner has someone else and has decided he wants to end it all. And then I desperately try to cling on to him, he not only wants out but has another woman more important than I am. This is the same man who was obsessed with me and treated me like a queen. I did everything for him. He told me over last weekend he wanted to work things out and came back to the house and spent the night. I slept with him of course. Even after suspecting full well that he was with his new woman during the day. He kissed me goodbye on Sunday morning saying he'd be back in an hr and a half. He never came back. He made up a ton of stories as to why. Then Monday morning texts to ask if I was feeling better. Im not stupid, im simply co-dependent. It makes me sick about myself. That weekend turned me for a tail spin. I went into the deepest depression, feeling used, and now im in outpatient therapy all day it was so bad for me. I am new to depression. This absolutely caused it for me imo. Im also alone with no friends and he was a constant in my life with texts all day, living together at night. I am so lost. Please message me if you need to talk. Im here alone too.
Samuel2891
Samuel2891
Im sorry to here about your situation. I understand where u are at. I treated my wife like garbage for a very long time i feel like crap about. We are in seperation as well and we have talked about divorce over and over. Actually i would nit say talk i would say fight argue. We have been not healthy for awhile. We have alot if love for one another i know it. I have noticed in someway in my self that if i let go. Its not up to you im sorry i know it hurts right now im there to but what makes me feel good about it is i have no control over my wife. I can only change my inner self my actions towards her. You control your self not other u create your happiness. Your emotions your anger an your thoughts you dont have to live this way. I know the pain is sometime unbearable and it can see that it controls your life. No you do change your way change your thinking tell your self its not in my control its not in my control idk what the future will bring it will be better.. everything happens for a reason u dont know that yet.. it may not be divorce it may be it will be better . Your husband seems confused as well it doesnt sound like he wants divorce it sounds like something is controlling him to come up with that conclusion then when it is not around he wants you there something going on i know u dont want to hear that but from the sounds of it thats whats going on... u need answers and u need to be stern and whatever the outcome will be you control your self you dont comtrol him.. member that.. its help repeat it to your self over and over..