Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ok, here's where I'm at right now. The boundaries have been pretty much set by the two of us for as long as we live in the same house together. First day of these boundaries, it actually went much better than I had thought it would. No fights, no stern words, not much of anything really. We both interacted with the kids, so nothing wrong there either.
Here's the issue. In addition to no fighting, there was little to no interaction bewteen the two of us. It makes me feel like she looks at me like a stranger., Like someone she has never had any feelings for ever. I hate to say this, but I would almost rather we fight (not in front of the kids, mind you), so that at least I know she has some type of emotion towards me. It's just depressing as hell. There is nothing that has been happening that has made me feel anything but depressed.
One of the boundaties we set is that we will not inquire as to where the other is going when they have plans. She has plans tonight, and I think she put this out there because she may have a date, even though she claims she has no interest in dating or really anything else with any other guy. I think she's lying. And I am putting an opportunity I have on hold because a)I think it may be too soon, and b) because I still love her. She knows I still love her, and I think she knows that I would never do anything to jeopardize a reconciliation, should it appear possible. So it's almost as if she has me trapped. Now, to be fair, I think jumping at this opportunity would be great in the short term, and quite possible long-term as well, but the odds of it lasting, especially since I may not be in the right frame of mind, are probably slim. And I went out with this woman once before (when I was in college), and it did not last for any great length of time then either. So confused and depressed. And most of all lonely.
She may be just as lonely in your marriage.
Is she dating? I don't know......
I know I've been texting a girlfriend of mine all morning just stupid stuff because it makes me laugh and takes me away from the real problem in front of me.
I'm not 'dating'.....but yes, I've had A's.....I'm not having one now nor do I desire to....they don't solve the core of the problem and that's that two people who really do care about each other have just grown so far apart that they just coexist.
I will be having the same conversation with my H to put me in the same situation after NewYears.
I wonder why you live in the same house.....and what that is like......
I'm not a bitch......I don't want a hurt a very good man.
Don't forget reconciliation without both of you actually committed to at least giving it a shot.
Kbcoop, the problem is, she keeps dropping little hints like she can possibly see a reconciliation down the line. I know, I know, it's probably just a game to her, and I know I shouldn't let it affect me, but it does. I was one of those , "love conquers all" people, and I still think I fall into that belief more often than I should,. Just can't shake her out of my head, and I don't think physical separation will help either. Honestly don't know.
It's helped to see your side.
No, I'm not separated yet.
I did broach separation about 10 years ago, which he was not open to.......and yes, I ended up having a series of affairs that put 'bandaids' on things.
I went to therapy- without him...:..
I'm not having an affair now.
But like you and her, I am so lonely in this marriage.
And I've made a decision to tell him.....but I can't do this over the holidays.
That's even more cruel.
I even have a date in mind.
Maybe just maybe she 'keeps dropping hints' re: reconciliation because she does still love you and care about you. I feel that way about my H.
I never said divorce.....I need to get my head together, I need to know if there is hope, if above both our bitterness and being checked out, do we have it in up to salvage anything.
And I am not here to judge. My wife slept with another man soon after our honeymoon. That still hurts me today, after 14 years. But, at some level, I can understand her reasoning. I don't agree with it, and it hurt like hell, but I ibderstood, and I took her back. I probably should not have, but no regrets, because I have two beautiful sons from hanging on, and I would not trade them for anything in this world.
I had the same feelings of desertion about a year before I filed for divorce (really, I was lonely for most of the marriage, but didn't acknowledge it till much much later). He would talk to me like nothing in the world was wrong, despite my pleadings for us to connect. He had been absent in the marriage for a long time, maybe he never ever was present. He thought I was ridiculous, depressed, bi-polar, you name it, in response to me stating to him what I needed from him as a husband. He would never acknowledge that I was lonely because he totally ignored me and treated me as a possession, his servant. Those feelings probably lasted about a year. It was so very hard, soul crushing. Over time, I did stop loving him and that makes the actual divorce that we're going through now a little easier. I can't imagine being a connected concerned partner and having your spouse just say "I'm done" out of the blue.