Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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tipsyturvy 02/24/2017

hello everyone

my husband of 15 years suddenly left 2 months ago. I saw it coming that he was going through mid life crisis but didnt know how to stop it. I have begged and done all I could to bring him back but it is not going to work. He has blamed me for everything.

background: I had decided I didnt want to have kids approx 12 years ago and he seemingly was on board. Recently after he left, he tells me that I betrayed him by telling him that i didnt want kids and I have rejected all his desires to date. In a nutshell, we have had a great relationship. It has had many ups and down but I am a better person today compared to what I was 15 years ago. I dont see any issues with how life has turned out. I personally dont feel that i have crushed his desires. I have always been there for him and still am. However, I cant fulfil his needs and expectations. I feel that I will never be good enough for him no matter how much I try. I have everything going for me from a good career to awesome parents, dogs and a beautiful home.

I am hurting a lot right now as I cant make sense of how someone who tells you that they love you for years can suddenly stop loving you in a second. I have not lived alone in my life and curreently I am in a country living all alone with no family around. I have a few friends but they are not someone that I could teach out to as i want to keep my personal issues private. I dont want to get into blame game or needless drama of who was at fault or where things went wrong. I want to accept and move on.

I need some tips on living alone and having the strength to get up each day in the house we have shared for so long. He just walked away after throwing his unwanted stuff so I have the whole house to myself and I cant just wrap and leave. I have work commitments and cant just move dogs to any other property without having to settle this. Divorce will only occur after one year of separation so I am allowed to stay in this house until then.

Pls assist if you can with some practical tips with many thanks. I want to move on and I need to move on from this dependency / pain giving phase.

trisha9054 02/24/2017

I'm so sorry you find yourself here and it can be hard to move forward with your life. I live in a state that is fault based or 1 year separation living apart. I was lonelier at the end of my marriage than I am now. But that is me. I pre planned my weekends. Saved farm work for those weekend days. I thru myself into the work to make this farm be what I knew it could be. The ex wasn't around town. He had been working overseas and then into TX and he lives in TN. I'm now going into ten years divorced. I can tell you it will get better. You are lucky you have a good job, your dogs and stull in your house. Start with the house and change each room to make new memories. You can also try to find a Divorce Care group at one of your local churches. That will help so much to be around people who know what you are going thru. If he wanted children he should have spoke up instead of being silent. Don't be surprised if there is someone else in his life and he's putting all the blame on you. Embrace the good days and work thru the bad. Get up each morning and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Each and every day and one day you will find that you don't even think about your stbx.

WhatHappened88 02/24/2017

I'm in the same boat and it sucks. People always say you need to be happy with yourself and not rely on someone else to make you happy. The people who say that are married and have kids and don't live alone. I'm trying to be happy but I'm miserable. Living alone sucks. I had a friend stay with me for a couple nights when she was having marriage issues and i decided I didn't want as roommate after that - it was something i was considering. I just wish I had a husband. I miss having having someone to talk to about my day. I miss being hugged. I miss the company. The only thing that has helped is going to dance class. I grew up dancing and I love it more than any other activity. It's a great way for me to socialize and the only time in my life when I'm not thinking about how miserable i am is when I'm trying to remember choreography. It's my only escape. If you have something you love to do or used to love to do, try to do it. I leave my TV on more than before. I need the noise. I'm on Facebook and pintrest a lot although Facebook is bad at times because I get depressed seeing everyone with their husbands and families and I don't have that. I joined a volleyball team last year and that helped until I broke my foot playing and then got depressed because living alone with a broken foot was a nightmare. I'm going to find a church to start going to as well. I'm hoping they have some things I can get involved in. I just hope I find someone and soon. I can't live like this forever. I hope things get better for you soon.

jojored 02/24/2017

I do support the theory that you have to be happy with who you are in order to live alone successfully. Although I have 2 kids, one is at college, one is at home with 1+ years of highschool left. The younger one is pretty tough to live with, moody, and in his room alot. I never know what to expect with him and sometimes I think it'll be a relief when he's finally away at college. I have glimpses of what it'll be like when I'm a divorced empty nester (son was on a 4 day ski trip) and it does look lonely. I've lived alone before and can do so again and really am not interested in finding anyone. I grew up in a family of 9 kids, so maybe that's the difference with me as it was hard to find alone time when growing up.

This past weekend I went on a 2 hour bike ride by myself, I had a good time. Yesterday I brought my car into the shop for some repair work, and rather than ask stbx for a ride home, I decided to bike home (15 miles). For the past 2 years I have asked stbx for nearly nothing, and now that we're almost divorced, I act as if he's already gone. That proved to me that I can handle whatever comes up by myself. I am looking forward to doing yard work this spring and finally turning an area of the yard into a fire pit. Even if it's just me sitting out some nights by a fire, that's ok. I hope to invite some friends over this summer for it though, so I have some work ahead of me and a goal, which is good. Maybe that's key, have a goal whether it be something around the house, getting into shape, learning a new hobby, whatever. Don't leave yourself too much free time.

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