It seems like you are confused about who you want to be with and it doesn't help that you still live with your ex. You see her everyday so even though you're already broken up there has been no time for you to be alone, grief and self-reflect which I'm assuming is why now that there is someone new in your life you feel confused. You did not allow yourself to grief and detach from your ex and that may be the reason you still have feelings for her. You have met a wonderful person, however you are confused as to who you should choose to be with. Your ex seems to also need time to get her life together and feel self assured but still wants you to be there, she's dragging you along while she figures out her life. Which I don't feel is healthy for either of you. She might feel intimidated by the fact that you're pursuing your education and she feels stuck. Of course, you mention that you've been trying to be supportive but she doesn't understand that. All she sees is that she may not be up to your standards yet and has nothing to offer you (which may not be the case in any other aspect other than the education level)

I say at the moment you talk to both of them and let them know you just need time for yourself. Your institution will guide you and it never lies. Your ex might still love you but she wants you to string along while she figures out her life and it isn't fair to either of you. And the new girl wants you to move in with her and start fresh with her but you're confused about who you would want to be with and that's not fair for your new love interest either. That seems like she will be strung along until you decide who you want to be with.

I don't feel like you ever grienved the breakup with your ex. You still live with her which makes it hard to completely move on. You might need some time apart from both girls, self-reflect, focus on you and your wellbeing then maybe the decision of who you want to be with will be much clear with not hesitation or confusion. NO contact from your ex is extremely hard but the most effective way to recover from a relationship and eventually get to a point of healing and clarity.

Plus, if both of these girls are interested and if they are understanding they will accept your time to yourself and only then it will become clear who you want to be with (of course after some time).

I hope you take care (: if I was of any help feel free to know you can vent/talk to me or any one really. You're not alone.

Intuition*

Erich, I feel like I am reading part of my life story. I have low self-esteem, anxiety issues and an introvert nature. Just like you my husband was there for me as much as he could but he could never break my walls. I put a sort of distance between us, could never open up completely to anybody. The thing is I did not choose to go away. Fate brought him the woman he was craving for apparently. And I wad not aware all this time of how serious the problems are between us. And what hurts me the most is the way it happened. I wish he gave a wake up call to realize the gravity of the situation without a thirt person between us. I am willing to change myself, to be more opened, to fight for us, I have proven him that I can do it the last weeks. But with another woman in the picture....tell me what else can I do? In my moments of dispair I think I want him back even knowing that they spent time together. But then my othet half tells me that I deserve better than that.

Sounds like you're stuck inbetween 2 women who want you. Hell, in a utopia you could have them both! When you're stuck sometimes you need to take some time to be on your own for a while. You don't want this new love to become a rebound chick where she's caught inbetween your feelings for your ex and you can't provide your full love to her. Sounds like you need to separate from them both, go back to your home state and then come to yourself. Find out who and what you really want. You can still date this new girl on the side. Don't cut her out, but don't move in with her immediately. Just get your emotions together (on your own) first and then let everything else fall where it needs to.

Thank you for your advice justlikemusic. it is a very confusing situation and I am trying my best to overcome it. unfortunately, I cannot go back home because there is nothing there. I can accomplish more where I am at even though I live under my ex. Her family loves me and wants me to stay and succeed which is a comfort, but still confusing because after a breakup there is usually a disconnect. My ex even told me that she doesn’t want me to go even though we are not together. what’s even more confusing is that she sends mixed signals. She is often playful with me, sometimes she will give me long tight hugs if I did something that made her happy, she stands next to me pretty close when we are talking or just talking to another person. She even wants to hang out on occasion, but she has never made a romantic move with me such as sexual or hand holding etc. she also told me that she is not seeing anyone anytime soon even though I am talking to someone. i don’t know if she is keeping me around for convenience, guilt from dragging me away from my friends and family or something else. The most confusing thing is that she has told me that she is still in love with me but thinks we should be friends first because we did not start out as friends. She is an Aquarius which means she is one of the most complex people if you believe in that stuff. Her biggest things she said about the breakup is that I argued with her too much about the same subject which was lack of sex us getting out and doing things together. I did a lot for her in the relationship, but sometimes I think I may have done too much and I was like whipped or something. In any case, it is hard to shake the feelings, because it is the unknown.

ElenaD I know that it is very confusing and you want to fight for the person that you want. I think people in relationships get too comfortable and take our partners for granted, especially their needs and wants. Your situation is not unique and I have heard and been part of the same scenario. I once had an ex who broke up with me and left me broken. She cheated on me with another guy from work. I begged and called her many times to get her back, but she replied, stop calling me! if I want to talk to you I’ll call you! And hung up. I stopped after that and kept my distance from her for about a month and a half. I was living out of a hotel room with my sister and we were young and got into a lot of “adventures” while were free. Eventually she kept trying to assert herself into the picture again. She would call, demand that she will give me back a few things I left but I told her to throw it away. after a while I got my confidence back and started talking to people. Her situation with the other guy started out apparently amazing but the relationship quickly dissolved. She got to the point where she wanted me back. I refused several times until she went and did something crazy and flattering to win me back. She got my name tattooed as a tramp stamp! I was shocked and she even wrote to my family that she was very sorry for hurting me so bad. Needless to say that I took her back. It lasted for another year, but she left me again and is now married to a girl…. After being with 2 more guys after me. I guess it just comes down to the reality of it. there are millions of people in the world and of course we can all do better than who we are with these odds, but life is about pain and lessons. Our brain can tell us what we should do, but the heart does not lie. It’s a battle within ourselves that takes God to show us the way in our most confusing times. My advice is to do what you feel is right for you, if you want to prove to him that you have changed and he is what you want, then do it lie you have. However, just be prepared for rejection. What I mean is keep u your emotional guard and realize that there is a possibility for him to come back, but focus more on the fact that he might not. that way if he does not, then you will not be as broken and you can move on knowing that you gave it your all for someone you love, but God might have another person for you in your life and he is just clearing the way. if you are meant to be together, then nothing will stop it from happening. I hope this helps

Lol I am an Aquarius as well. I can tell you that from the pattern of her actions and words it looks like she wants to rebuild a relationship with you from the ground up, starting as friends. Meaning since it was a failure the first time due to arguing, etc., she wants to begin again, the right way (in her world). If you're down for that (to get into a serious relationship with her) and want to wait on her terms before she has sex with you and everything (which you will never know till it happens), go for it. If not, and you don't want to play these guessing games whilst twiddling your thumb then straight up move to your own place within the area you're currently at and stop living there because it's convienient. That way you have the success without the drama. Otherwise you will get to a point where you feel emotionally suffocated because she may not let you date or whatever. She's not moving on and dating because you are still living with her. It's kinda hard to explain to a new bf/date, "oh btw I live with my ex".

Hello Zenlife7 and thanks for your response. ironically she knows that I have been talking to someone else and from the outside she seems cool with it. I have asked her, her feelings about it and she says that it does bother her and she doesn’t want details, but she replied that I broke up with you and do not have any say in what you do even though she says she is still in love with me. She says that when we do hang out together that it is relaxed and there is no pressure and she can have fun. She is at times flirty and texts me even when I not home when she knows I’m with the other girl. I it is strange that the other girl breaks her back for me and sees a clear future with me including marriage and kids…. It’s what I have always wanted in a girl… so why am I not jumping on board and moving on? sometimes I think I’m crazy for not doing so, but I just cannot shake my feelings for my ex. I even told my ex that I could not stay anymore because of the situation of living under her and she replied “you cannot leave her ever” she did not say it in a crazy way, but said it like I don’t want you to go move in with her because. Maybe you’re right and she wants to build a new relationship. She did say that she wants to start from a clean slate, but just as friends for right now and see what happens. She has also been changing her look recently and even cooking asking me if her hair looks good and if her cooking is good. I don’t want to put too much thought into it, but it is different. The other girl seems to be VERY in love with me even though it’s been a few months. It’s a little scary at times because it is something that I have not experienced before. She says it’s because I’m not used to a real woman who wants to take care of you and support you and make you happy. She even says that she feels like she is incomplete without me being with her and often cries. I often wonder if I am blinded my ex having a sense of control over me and I cannot see what I have in front of me. I would hate to miss out on a good opportunity with another person while being patient with the person that I actually love. any thoughts? Thanks, everyone.
Erich

In my opinion, and not understanding how much time you've been with the new girl, you're both rushing things, and for the wrong reasons. Both of you, to fill a void, be part of a couple, you especially, to heal the hurt of a breakup. No person should feel "incomplete" without another, that's a red flag. Also a flag is her comment that she often cries when you're not around. Sounds like she's not comfortable in her own skin, she might turn needy and unreasonably demanding of your time and attention, which down the road will cause problems in the relationship. I'm sure it's flattering to have two girls interested in you, but this looks to be a powder keg of heartbreak. I think they're both controlling you. You need to stand on your own for awhile and avoid this high conflict situation.